Playboy

We've just obtained Hugh Hefner's income and expense declarations that were filed with his divorce papers -- proving the Playboy head honcho is just as loaded as you thought.

Here's how much Hugh rakes in per month:

-- Salary from Playboy: $116,667
-- Social Security: $1,896
-- Dividends and interest: $121,099
-- Rental property: $17,058
-- Income from HMH Productions: $15,808
-- Pensions and retirement: $413
-- Other miscellaneous income: $17,639

--Total monthly income: $290,580

In addition, Hugh has the following assets:

-- $306,548 in cash
-- $36,802,558 in stocks and bonds (besides Playboy)
-- $6,122,990 in a joint account with an unnamed person

-- Total assets (excluding Playboy stock and property): $43,232,096

And here's how Hugh spends his millions per month:

-- Rent (including groceries, household supplies, utilities, cell phone and email): $53,593
-- Food (approximate): $18,000
-- Entertainment: $25,000
-- College expenses for kids: $10,130
-- Health care: $3,215

After eleven years of estrangement from his wife, Hugh Hefner finally made the move to end his marriage to former Playmate Kimberley Conrad.

On Friday, Hefner filed documents in L.A. County Superior Court seeking to dissolve their marriage, citing "irreconcilable differences." The docs say they were married on July 1, 1989 and have been separated since January 12, 1998.

Hefner had been supporting Kimberly and their two sons, who have been living in the house next door to the Playboy mansion.

But things got rocky this year when Hef sold that house, and then Conrad sued Hef -- accusing him of screwing her out of more than five million bucks.

UPDATE: In the docs, Hugh is asking the judge to set spousal support at $20,000 per month -- justifying such a small amount by saying he's already given Kimberly close to $12 million since their 1998 separation.

2002 Playmate of the Year Dalene Kurtis thought taking a vacation to Hawaii with her boyfriend was a great idea ... that is, until he allegedly used her as a punching bag and then threatened to kill her.

Kurtis was granted a temporary restraining order earlier this month against an ex she claims pushed her, punched her and choked her during a recent trip to Hawaii. She claims the ex said he was "gonna kill [her]," "slit [her] throat" and that she was a "f**king whore."

She then claims four days later he choked her until she couldn't breathe, stomped on her stomach, punched her, broke her finger, and spit in her face. That's when she (finally) called the cops and had him arrested.

Kurtis was granted a TRO, which includes her two-year-old son. She's scheduled to be in court later today to try to get the order made permanent.

Interestingly, Heidi is showing more in this photo than in that non-nude spread in that magazine her husband's reading.

Here's the spread. Kimberley Conrad married Hef back in 1989. They had a prenup. Approximately 9 years later they split but never divorced. When they separated, they signed an amendment to the prenup which guaranteed Kimberley a ton of money.

For 10 years, Kimberley has been living in the house next to the Playboy mansion with their two sons. Everything was going swimmingly, until Hef decided to sell the house this year. According to the lawsuit, filed in L.A. County Superior Court, Hef allegedly announced he was not going to honor the agreement anymore and she had 9 months to get out of the house.

Gina Carano -- the hottest thing to happen to female MMA fighting since the scissor lock -- has been propositioned by Playboy to appear in her very own knockout spread ... but don't expect to see Gina naked any time soon.

Sources close to Carano tell us Playboy has knocked on the fighter's door "multiple times" over the past year, but the fighter has shot down their offers so quickly that "it never even reached to a point where we would talk about money."

Sorry fight fans, but the only skin you'll get to see any time soon is on Dana White's head.

The only thing X-rated about Heidi Montag's upcoming Playboy spread is the X-pletive you're going to scream when you realize she's not naked in any of the SIX PAGES of photos.

Sources close to the barely PG-rated photo shoot tell TMZ, the magazine was under strict instructions when shooting Montag -- "No nipples, no vagina, no ass."

You would think having a wife pose for Playboy would make you popular around work -- but one cop in Ohio says it made him the target of a bogus investigation.

A police officer in Ohio claims the Gahanna Police Department made him the subject of "a detailed and invasive non-criminal investigation" of him and his entire family that began shortly after his wife posed for Playboy.

According to a lawsuit filed last week, the officer claims he was also denied the right to take leave to drill with Army National Guard and also claims his superiors at the police department badmouthed him to Army National Guard officials.

He is suing for damages in excess of $25,000.

(BTW -- That's his hot wife on the right)

Hugh Hefner has unloaded his personal mansion for a cool $18 mil, according to Hot Property. The mansion had been on the market since early March with a listing price of $27,995,000.

It has five bedrooms and seven bathrooms -- but really, who cares? Look how close it is to the infamous grotto -- does anything else really matter?

A woman possessed by the "most beautifiliest angel lusefer" and claims to be the "reincarnation of Venus Aphrodite Demilo" has filed a $3 billion lawsuit against Hugh Hefner, suing him for ... well ... it's nearly impossible to tell.

Sheri Allred -- who also calls herself "the biggest hat in the world" -- claims Hefner is a member of a pedophile organization and once hid under her bed when she was five-years-old in order to do naughty things to her.

Married "Growing Pains" star Alan Thicke got some lip service from "Attack of the Show" host/Playboy cover girl Olivia Munn while taping their 1,000th episode -- which airs Thursday on G4.

As long as they got each other.

Carrie Prejean has threatened to sue the Miss California USA folks for defamation, we've learned. But we just obtained a letter the pageant's lawyer fired off to Carrie's lawyer, threatening to sue her for her "churlish insolent misbehavior."

The long letter details the alleged misdeeds which led to Carrie getting das boot. For starters, the pageant's lawyer says Carrie is full of it when she stated publicly she didn't ink a book deal. The letter also says Carrie had wrongfully turned down 39 pageant appearances since May 12.

And the letter claims Carrie defamed pageant honcho Keith Lewis when she said he "pressured her to appear in Playboy." Lewis says he merely passed on the offer, which he never advocated she take.

The letter says Carrie was fired because of her "intolerable misbehavior," citing "hostile communications from Carrie."

The letter threatens this: "If Carrie Prejean wants to assert in public that she was courteous, cooperative or professional in her conduct as Miss California USA, the history of her churlish insolent misbehavior can be presented."

It's the moment every hot girl fears -- when they can't use their powers of hotness to finagle their way into a fancy nightclub ... and it finally happened to Holly Madison.

Hugh Hefner's former GF was rejected by security at Body English in Las Vegas on Sunday night -- because according to them, Holly tried sneaking her way into the club with a few friends -- one of whom was underage (and probably really hot).

Once security caught on, they were all shown the door -- marking the first and only time a group of hot chicks were turned away from a Vegas nightclub.

Prejean insinuated pageant officials wanted her to pose in Playboy -- they've told us they were merely passing the offer along, per her demand.

Prejean did not address Donald Trump's statement to us ...that she treated people in the pageant like s**t and refused to participate in 30 sanctioned events.

Heidi said although she exposed a lot of skin during the shoot, she still covered up the bull's-eyes on her moneymakers. She also told us she'll be featured on two covers -- but no real nudity.

So it looks like Spencer, her doctors, and the watchful eye in the sky are the only ones who get to see her lady parts in full bloom.