TMZ TV

Gilbert Gottfried wants Elmo!! Or to rephrase less creepily ... he wants to be Elmo's voice -- so, he dropped an audition on us, along with some jokes you'll never hear on "Sesame Street!"

Seeing FOX Sports' Erin Andrews get snubbed by autograph seekers would make anyone feel for her -- unless you're one of the TMZ mean girls ... who, instead chose to dance a jig.

Angus T. Jones' spiritual advisor swears Jay-Z is a tool of Satan, and also thinks parents in NYC will soon be eating their babies. Somebody order a cup o' crazy?

Dolly Parton set the record straight ... she and her longtime pal are not lesbians -- and, in fact, they're just like Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King ... FRIENDS.

"Hunger Games" star Jennifer Lawrence wearing a tiny bikini and riding a surfboard ... very hot. Realizing her brother is riding tandem behind her ... not so hot anymore.

Charlie Sheen gave Lindsay Lohan $100,000 to help pay off her taxes -- but that money might have been better spent on "Liz & Dick." Then again, $500 grand couldn't save that disaster.

Will Smith's son Jaden is paving the way for a whole new generation of surfers -- the ones whose stereotype involves staying the hell away from deep water. You know. Don't make us say it.

Eli and Peyton Manning's mother will only visit one of her famous sons on turkey day -- and, as far as we're concerned there's only ONE way to choose ... scoooorebooooard!!

Kim Kardashian is tired of not knowing stuff about the Israeli crisis -- so, naturally, she's jetting straight to NOT-Israel ... to learn stuff about it! Makes perfect sense.

One review of Lindsay Lohan's performance in "Liz & Dick" matters more than all the others combined -- Elizabeth Taylor's! Yep, we've got sources ... even up there.

Rapper Pitbull has something very important to say -- and all ya need to understand him is a strong grasp of Spanish, and probably a few instructional CDs ... for backup.

Flo Rida's ridiculous Jesus bling ignited a 2,000-year-old race debate -- was J.C. actually black? If he was, we've got a great new hymn ... with soul.

Chicago Bulls star Taj Gibson may or may not be messing around with the "yelzenbah" -- and if anyone knows what the hell that is, we're all ears.

General David Petraeus' cheating scandal is bad for the country -- but straight cash for ex-porn star Jill Kelly, whose name is suddenly on the tip of everyone's tongues ... and fingers.

Rihanna is redefining the "Mile High Club" -- chartering a sick jumbo jet for her 777 Tour and partying her face off, mid-flight! We'd prefer the other Mile High Club ... but this'll do too.

Huge news! LeBron James is shedding that "most hated man in sports" title -- and there's only one way to celebrate -- eggs. Welcome to ADD Theater.