Black Keys' Dan Auerbach I Dare You To ... Talk Crap About My Second Wedding

Black Keys guitarist Dan Auerbach and Jen Goodall said "I do" ... and they made all their reception employees swear "I won't" bad-mouth the bride, the groom or anything about their big day.

Dan and Jen tied the knot Saturday at his home in Nashville, and made everyone working the ceremony sign a confidentiality agreement ... which is not uncommon for a celeb wedding.

However, this contract wasn't about protecting details like the gown designer or the menu -- it was all about blocking trash talk. We're told anyone who does say a nasty word about Dan or Jen will be dragged to court.

Kudos to the newlyweds, and we hear the chicken was delish.

Black Keys Drummer Jack White Tried to Fight Me!

Jack White's longstanding feud with The Black Keys exploded in a NYC bar Sunday night -- at least according to drummer Patrick Carney, who claims White tried to throw down.

Carney described the incident, saying ... "A 40 year old bully tried to fight the 35 year old nerd."

White had a different take ... telling EW, "Nobody tried to fight you, Patrick. Nobody touched you or ‘bullied’ you. You were asked a question you couldn’t answer so you walked away."

White and the Keys have been enemies for years, which became public in 2013 when White called lead singer Dan Auerbach an "a**hole" in emails.

As for Sunday night, White was pissed Carney tweeted about their run-in -- "Quit whining to the Internet and speak face to face like a human being. End of story."

Beef. It's not just for rappers.

9:30 A.M. PST -- The two musicians appear to be bros again ... Patrick just tweeted, "Talked to jack for an hour he's cool." He added, "All good."

Jack White FINALLY Apologizes to the Black Keys

The feud between Jack White and The Black Keys is one step closer to being squashed -- 'cause the ex-White Stripes singer released a lengthy apology Saturday to try making amends.

Rolling Stone published an interview with Jack White Saturday that seemed to further his beef with the Black Keys ... but hours later White backtracked saying his words came out wrong -- so he felt inclined to apologize.

We broke the story ... Jack's ex-wife submitted a bunch of emails last year to a judge saying the rocker was a threat to her safety -- including one message where he called Black Keys lead singer Dan Auerbach an "a**hole" who rips off his music.

Jack says his wife's lawyer only submitted the emails to "villainize me in a private legal scenario" -- and his comments were part of a "bigger scenario that is difficult to elaborate on."

As for the Keys ... Jack says he wishes them nothing but success from here on out ... and apologizes to everybody else he may have offended -- like Meg White, Adele ... and the list goes on (he's ticked off a lot of people.)

The Black Keys We're Donating a Shirtload of Money ... To Our Little League

The Black Keys are about to make a HUGE donation to their hometown little league ... 'cause the custom jersey for the team they sponsor is now on sale to the public -- with every penny heading to the league.

The shirt went up for sale on the band's website Monday in an effort to raise funding for the West Akron Baseball League in Ohio.

As you may recall ... the Keys sponsored a team in the league last season ... and gave them bad ass jerseys with the band's name on it. They even signed 'em after the season was over as a souvenir.

The band says the money will go towards a variety of projects -- like lowering registration fees, buying uniforms, replacing benches/backstops and upgrading equipment.

Props.

Black Keys Singer I Don't Own Bob Dylan's Real Hair ... But I Can Get It!!

Finally, SOME ANSWERS in the war over Bob Dylan's hair ... and TMZ is getting the full explanation right from the guy who used to co-own it, Black Keys singer Dan Auerbach.

We broke the story ... Dan and his ex-wife Stephanie Gonis were fighting over several assets in their divorce, and in court docs, listed one of the contested items as "Bob Dylan's Hair," leading many people to believe they had locks of Bob's legendary fro chillin' on their mantle.

But Dan tells TMZ ... it's not all as it seems -- the "hair" in question wasn't from Bob's head -- it was something else entirely ... a psychedelic poster they nicknamed "Bob Dylan's Hair."

However, Dan says ... if he ever decides he wants an authentic lock from Bob, he now has a pipeline into the singer to get one, thanks to a generous Dylan family member.

Black Keys Divorce Wife Gets $5 MILLION ...and Bob Dylan's Hair

Here comes the story of Bob Dylan's hair ... which apparently belongs to the ex-wife of Black Keys singer Dan Auerbach. Seriously (according to court docs obtained by TMZ).

We've learned ... Auerbach's extremely bitter divorce with Stephanie Gonis was finalized this week in Tennessee ... after the warring couple came to terms on splitting up their assets.

First, the money: She gets more than $5 million. Plus, she gets the couple's 2012 Toyota Highlander and one of the family homes.

But who cares, because the real story here is BOB DYLAN'S HAIR.

According to the divorce docs, the couple owns an asset described as "Bob Dylan Hair."

It's unclear how the hair was obtained ... when it was obtained ... if the hair contains any product ... etc. -- but the point is, Dan agreed to part ways with it in the divorce.

Translation -- Stephanie, congrats ... you are the owner of a weird freaky piece of music memorabilia!!!!

We reached out to Bob about the situation, who told us, "MMmerrrrreeeerrrrmmmmmeeeaaahhh."'

Just kidding. He hasn't called us back yet.

Jack White Slams Black Keys Singer He's an A**hole Rip-Off

Jack White DETESTS The Black Keys -- in particular BK singer Dan Auerbach -- and the confession was made in the middle of Jack's very nasty divorce.

Jack's wife Karen Elson submitted a bunch of emails to a judge, claiming he was a threat to her safety. Frankly, we've read the emails and they're not that threatening, but what really stands out is Jack's venom over Dan and the band.

Jack is clearly pissed his kids are being enrolled in the same school as Dan's kid, writing, "My concern with Auerbach is because I don't want the kids involved in any of that crap ... That's a possible twelve f***ing years I'm going to have to be sitting in kids chairs next to that a**hole with other people trying to lump us in together."

He adds, "[Auerbach] gets yet another free reign to follow me around and copy me and push himself into my world."

Check out the

, and then tell us who Jack hates more -- Karen or Dan.

The Black Keys Sponsoring Little Leaguers With BAD ASS Jerseys!

The Black Keys just put local pizza places and hardware stores in Akron, Ohio to shame -- cause the group just sponsored their own little league team in town ... and hooked 'em up with some pretty kick ass jerseys!

Keys drummer Patrick Carney tells TMZ ... he used to play for the West Akron Baseball League in Ohio decades ago with his childhood best friend. So when his BF asked him to sponsor his lil bro's team this year, he jumped at the chance to give back.

The WABL's president says it only cost the group $300 to make it happen ... and everyone on the team couldn't have been happier with their involvement.

The best part -- after the season was over ... Patrick and keys band mate Dan Auerbach told the kids to send mail them their jerseys and they'll autograph every single one.

Beats a participation trophy.

Patrick Carney ENRAGES Bieber Fans with Twitter Profile

Black Keys drummer Patrick Carney is on the receiving end of A TON of Twitter hate ... because he raised the stakes in his war of words with Justin Bieber by changing his Twitter profile pic to one of the Biebs.

You'll recall ... Carney ignited the whole thing last week when he said Bieber didn't deserve any nominations, telling a TMZ photog, "Grammys are for like music, not for money ... and he's making a lot of money. He should be happy."

Bieber fired back on Twitter, saying Carney "should be slapped around haha."

But now Carney has taken it up another level by changing his Twitter profile pic to Bieber, his name to Justin Bieber, and his profile description to "official twitter for the actual verified Justin Bieber DOS virtual buddy."

Carney's handiwork has annoyed both his fans and Bieber's, prompting tweets like:

-- "I used to like you, but why are you being such a d**k?"
-- "do you even know how stupid and immature u look doing this. arent u like fifty?"
-- "do you know how f**king dumb your acting and how stupid you look lmao"
-- "Can we please have Patrick back?"

This is the whitest music feud ever.

Justin Bieber Rips Black Keys Drummer -- He Needs to Get SLAPPED

Justin Bieber isn't taking too kindly to being told he doesn't deserve a Grammy -- going after the Black Keys drummer who insulted him ... saying, the drummer "should be slapped around."

Bieber added "haha" at the end of his statement -- which he posted on Twitter -- like he was joking.

TMZ broke the story ... BK drummer Patrick Carney mocked Bieber's Grammy snub after the awards on Sunday -- telling TMZ, "He's rich, right? ... Grammys are for music, not for money ... and he's making a lot of money."

Grammy count -- Black Keys 7 ... Bieber 0

Black Keys Drummer Bieber Doesn't DESERVE Grammys

Justin Bieber has no business winning Grammys -- at least according to a guy who cleaned up at the award show last night ... Patrick Carney from The Black Keys.

Patrick was swarmed by fans outside Chateau Marmont when we asked if Bieber should feel snubbed -- seeing as how he didn't get a single Grammy nomination this year -- and he simply said, "He's rich, right?"

Then the Keys' drummer threw a major jab, adding ... "Grammys are for like music, not for money ... and he's making a lot of money. He should be happy."

He might have a point -- Justin's never won a Grammy, and does seem pretty happy ... with his Ferraris, Lamborghinis, and such.

The Black Keys took home 4 Grammys last night -- and probably aren't hurting in the money department either.

By the way, you gotta hear what Patrick has planned for his riches.

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