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This Week's Biggest Losers 11/18/06

11/18/2006 2:00 PM PST BY TMZ STAFF

In honor of George Clooney joining Brad Pitt as the only two-time Sexiest Man Alive, we've subtitled this week's all-male revue in similar, hyperbolic fashion. And we can't help but also think of Mel Gibson's immortal words back in 1985 upon being crowned the first such honoree: "That implies there are a lot of dead guys who got more points than I did."

o.j. simpsonO.J. Simpson ("Scariest Man Alive"): Resurrecting a cold case that even his Naked Gun pals could solve, Number #32 has suddenly decided to tackle third and very long with a most unusual play call – the hypothetical confession (or, it all depends what your definition of "if" is). Crusading dad Ron Goldman has already moved to seize any of the Florida author's personal proceeds from the new book; publisher Judith Regan has tried to justify her actions via a strained I-was-a-victim-too plea on The Drudge Report. But there's no getting around it; if Truman Capote were around today, he'd be readying a much better book about O.J., one that could very easily be called In Bold Blood.

captain kurkWilliam Shatner ("Silliest Man Alive"): The joy of this Captain Kirk is that he has never, ever taken himself too seriously. But his latest small screen effort not only flopped in its Monday night debut but, as Tonight Show host Jay Leno observed, could just as easily have been called Show Me the Buffet. With Cuba Gooding Jr. continuing to go straight to DVD with things like Shadowboxer and Renée Zellweger confessing that her marriage to Kenny Chesney was the dumbest move of her life, doesn't Shatner know better than to mess with the Jerry Maguire curse? It's enough to make you think that not every human head weighs the requisite eight pounds.

david lynchDavid Lynch ("Strangest Man Alive"): His latest, orphaned film is called Inland Empire. But it was on the Sunset Strip this week, in front of the going-out-of-business west coast flagship location of Tower Records, that the iconoclastic filmmaker made the case for his going-out-of-business Hollywood career. With a cow at his side. This P.T. Barnum-style approach was apparently inspired by the fact that he ate a lot of cheese during the making of his three-hour-plus opus. And although Lynch promises to continue banging the drum hard for Laura Dern as a Best Actress nominee, the only consideration he is likely to garner will be from the 'Got Milk?' folks.

sumner redstoneSumner Redstone ("Sorriest Man Alive"): Just a few short months after the Viacom grand poobah listened to his wife and showed Hollywood's top gun the Paramount gate, Brooke Shields is a guest at his ex-employee's wedding, Brad Grey and many others are on board for an upcoming charity dinner honoring the star and his first United Artists project is set to reportedly co-star Robert Redford and Meryl Streep. In other words, what started out as the Sumner of Tinseltown's discontent has given way to a distinctly lonelier fall chill. Maybe Redstone can sit down very gingerly on Oprah's couch and commiserate about how foolish it is to wake a slumbering Scientologist.

a.c. slaterMario López ("Secondest Man Alive"): In the grand tradition of American Idol number two's Katherine McPhee and Clay Aiken, the runner-up in this fall's runaway smash run of Dancing with the Stars now knows first-hand just how hard it is to try and thwart charisma with competence. We're not saying that Emmitt Smith isn't a great guy, wholly deserving of the adulation and heat he is now enjoying. But just like AI Season Five and Two winners Taylor Hicks and Ruben Studdard, the former Dallas Cowboy rode to victory in this rodeo on the strength of his charm. It all adds up to a scenario almost as vexing as the fact that López's latest film project, the Spike Lee-produced The Goal, centers around North America's fourth-place sport – soccer.


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coco puff    

OJ has every right to write a book, this is a America, isn't. If you don't like it, don't buy it. I'm tired of hearing all these people crying about OJ's book. Oh, by the way, even before publication, his book has entered the top 20 on's best seller list.

2895 days ago


And the Goldman's have every right to seize all the profits. You sound like an O.J. apologist. Ever butchered anyone yourself Smitty? Or do you just aspire to one day?

2895 days ago


No one is protesting OJ's right to right a book, Smitty. It's his right to beat and murder two people, walk away from a criminal conviction, dodge a civil judgment and then write a book taunting "IF I did it . . ." that has most people sticking their heads down a toilet.

2895 days ago


OH YEAH......I'm gonna read a book that he wrote.....WHEN HELL FREEEZES OVER ! !

2895 days ago


OJ has not only gone unpunished for a double homocide, but he is flaunting his anti-social values to the court. Rather than pay out on his civil suit, he ran to FL to protect his assets. And like a deadbeat parent who refuses to pay court order child support; he has also refused to get a job, because his earnings would be tap to pay off his judgement on the civil case. So he writes this book and skirts around the money issue by having it be paid to his and Nicole's adult children. Are they going to trickle it back to him? I know 3.5 million dollars is a lot of money, but I can't imagine accepting that kind of money for a book that my father wrote about how he would have murder my mother. It seems that the children's souls have been destroyed by living with him all these years after the murders.

2895 days ago

coco puff    

If you all want Mr. Jew Goldman to get the money from the book, you should be ordering it on Nov. 30th. I for one will not be buying it but OJ has every right to write one and have it published. I simply stated that it's already a hit book and it's not even on sale yet, what's your problem? Do you think everyone who the media deems guilty but is found not guilty should not be allowed the freedoms of all Americans. You can yell, shout and scream but I sincerely believe this book will became a best seller, like it or not.

2895 days ago


as usual, tmz cant get the facts straight. goldmans first name is fred, not his son ron

2895 days ago


as usual, tmz cant get the facts straight. goldmans name is fred, not his son, ron

2895 days ago


Smitty, I can see how you feel about Jewish people, I'll bet you have Mel Gibson as a drinking buddy.

2895 days ago


well this is our justice system. He was found not gulity by a jury of his peers. I don't see ppl getting this upset when innocent people are sent to prison or to death row when they have NOT committed a crime. If you don't like it so much, don't watch the fox interviews and don't buy the book, simple as that.

2895 days ago


Can we all just let it go or do you have nothing to do in your miserable lives than to sit and constantly judge others. IF OJ did it, I don't care how much money he makes on the earth. He's going to be accountable one way or the other. The Goldman's and the Brown's pain is understandable but remember the brown family was all on OJ's tip when he was making that paper and handing it over. The Goldman family is the true innocent victims. Did our family die No so stay out the business and get a life

2895 days ago


I saw Judith Regan's lame attempt to justify publishing OJ's book and interviewing him for the TV special. PLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ If Regan was really abused by a former husband, she would have nothing to do with OJ or his book.

2895 days ago


Why does OJ get any press at all? Most believe he is a savage killer. Yet every time this creep speaks, he's in the news. Get over this moron. Damage done, case closed. He did it. As bobby rydell sang in tune, back in the 60s, ...forget him." He is simply not worth it. Consider him yesterdays garbage. Not todays.

2895 days ago


David Lynch is perfectly content distributing his film through 518 Media and through Rhino for the DVD. It's a nice F-YOU to the usual Hollywood distribution machine that would've neglected him at the multiplexes anyway, and he's done with them, for the record.

I'll never forget how Universal released Mulholland Drive the same day they put out K-PAX, which has to be one of the films Kevin Spacey would much rather you'd forget about. Meanwhile we still talk about MD to this day, and will for years to come. Yet Universal flooded the market with K-Pax advertising, and virtually neglected MD. so yea F-them.

2895 days ago


Where the hell are his children?? Are they seeing this? Does this not horrify them as to why he would be telling "his" version of how messy he would be "if" he murdered his kids mother???? Come the F*** on now....Sick F***

2895 days ago
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