Celebrity Divorce

The weave-a-horror, pink flip-flopped, blue-brassiered pop mama was snapped fetchin' coffee in Pasadena, Calif., accompanied by her manny/guard, while her tots waited in the car. They must have lost the recipe for coffee back at Ranchita Popwreck.

She's available, y'all.

As TMZ first reported, Laura Wasser, Brit's lawyer, and K-Fed's attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan, appeared in Court this morning with settlement papers.

Wasser made a motion to keep the custody and child support provisions secret, on grounds that making it public would be harmful to the two kids. Judge Gordon granted that request, pending a hearing on August 14.

Divorce proceedings for Alec Baldwin and Basinger that had been scheduled for yesterday were postponed -- and have yet to be rescheduled. No word on where Kim and Ireland are returning from or whether or not the postponement was due to their travels.

More prolonged drama for mama!

TMZ got video of the house today -- the place Smith called home until the bank foreclosed on the property 10 days ago. The 4 bedroom/4 bath house is located in the L.A. suburb of Sherman Oaks. The wreckage inside is breathtaking.

The words "Please view this lesson in finality" were scrawled on one of the walls. Bitter, party of one! The real estate tear-sheet on the house reads, "Absolutely the worst house in a prime location," offered for a cool $1.149 mil!

It just keeps getting worse for The Hoff's ex.

Moments ago, a Los Angeles County Superior Court judge ordered the former Mrs. David Hasselhoff to turn herself in to authorities in relation to a misdemeanor hit and run charge.

According to the judge, Pamela Bach was not booked properly when the original charge was filed in January, and as a result, she has one week to surrender. Bach, who appeared in court with a new lawyer, told TMZ, "I have tried to resolve the situation ... you see, now they want to get me booked." Problem is, if she doesn't comply with the judge's order, he could issue a bench warrant for her arrest.

Bach added, "Her attorney was basically treating me worse than the average citizen. They have done the extreme. I have bent over backwards to settle this." Get Paris on the phone, STAT!

Police were called in January, after Bach allegedly smashed into another vehicle in North Hollywood and fled the scene. Someone who caught Bach's license plate then reported the incident to local cops.

Bach claims that the whole thing is a giant misunderstanding and told TMZ that she has a message for the owner of the other car: "If I have done anything inconvenient to hurt your car, which I know I haven't, give me a body shop estimate or something."

The nominees for Father of the Year are in -- and Michael Lohan's name is not on the list.

Battling with his ex-wife, Dina, over visitation rights, Papa Lohan issued a press release this week in which he spelled Lindsay's name wrong. You'd think he'd have screwed up the name of one of their non-famous kids.

"I look forward to order being restored to the chaos that our family life has become," the release reads, according to FishbowlNY. "Lyndsay, Michael, Ali and Cody need stability and both of their parents in their lives. I am anxious to spend time with them and end this cruel, needless separation."

Obviously satisfied with last week's courtroom victory, Hoff's voice became stern and pointed when the subject of the infamous burger video came up, saying, "When the tape came out, that wasn't supposed to come out ... and that's when this thing happened, that's when I said 'nobody plays that card.'" Hoff never directly blamed his ex-wife Pamela Bach as the person who leaked the tape.

Hoff also sounded off about what it was like watching his ex make the rounds on TV, telling Seacrest, "It was quite easy" to bite his tongue as she told the world about their lives. Hoff thanked Ryan and his "Idol" co-star Simon Cowell for "coming to his rescue" during those times.

Hoff ended the interview by taking a thinly veiled parting shot at his ex, telling Seacrest that despite everything she said on all of the shows, "It turns out ... who gets custody?!" Ouch.

TMZ has learned what went down with David Hasselhoff and ex-wife Pamela Bach Hasselhoff in court yesterday.

Hasselhoff won primary physical custody and sole legal custody of the former couple's two daughters. Sources day Pamela will have the kids from Friday to Sunday every other weekend. She could also have dinner with the kids Wednesday night, but that's it.

We're told the judge indicated he might be willing to change the ruling to a fifty-fifty split, but only if Bach attends anger management classes for a year and submits to drug and alcohol testing.

Sources tell TMZ a special master (a psychologist) appointed by the court interviewed the family extensively and determined that Pamela was abusive to her kids and refused to submit to drug and alcohol testing. The Hoff has voluntarily agreed to submit to alcohol testing.

Sources tell TMZ that the anger between David Hasselhoff and his ex has boiled over again -- and the cops came a callin'.

It happened Monday, before David and Pamela went to court. The facts are very much in dispute. A source connected with Pamela tells TMZ that Hasselhoff went to his ex's Encino home to bring a pair of shoes to daughter Hayley. The source says David became "abusive" and Pamela called 911. The source says Hasselhoff left, and the police arrived and took a report.

But a source connected with David tells a radically different tale. The source says Haley asked David to come over to transfer her clothes from her mom's house to her dad's. David was gathering the garments and refused to engage Pamela in conversation. The source says Pamela became enraged and started shouting, and David got in the car and left. The source says Pamela was yelling at him in the driveway as he drove away.

An LAPD source confirmed to TMZ that police responded to a 911 call and a report was taken.

Tom Arnold is officially pulling the plug on his third marriage -- again.

TMZ obtained divorce papers filed yesterday in Los Angeles County Superior Court, in which Arnold blames his split with political consultant Shelby Roos on irreconcilable differences.

The couple, who married in 2002, split briefly in August 2006 after Arnold filed a petition for legal separation. Six months later, Tom asked a judge to dismiss that request while the couple attempted to work things out.

The couple has no children. This will be Arnold's third divorce.

After the famous hamburger incident, David Hasselhoff has emerged victorious in court! He has won temporary custody of his two kids.

The court hearing today was closed -- secret. Hasselhoff went into court stripped of his right to visit with his children in the wake of the burger video. But we're told the judge was stunned by the evidence presented by the court-appointed expert who performed psychological evaluations on the family.

We're told the expert said Pamela Bach, Hasselhoff's ex, was abusive to her kids -- especially Hayley, the younger of the two. The expert also noted that Bach refused drug testing, among many other things.

Bach's lawyer was on the defensive today, unsuccessfully attacking the expert.

Sources say the judge gave David full custody for two weeks, until the next hearing is held. Until then, the kids will live with him.

UPDATE: A source tells TMZ that David Hasselhoff had his custody rights restored after agreeing to alcohol testing. This person did not mention the fact that the judge temporarily stripped Pamela of her custody rights.

Hasselhoff is allowed to have telephone contact only.

On May 21, the judge will hold a hearing on the videotape and how it will affect Hasselhoff's long-term visitation rights.

The judge also ordered that Hasselhoff, his ex-wife Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff and their kids meet with a psychologist prior to the May 21st hearing. The psychologist has the power to adjust the judge's order after meeting with the fractured family.

Strangely, the judge never admitted the videotape into evidence but said it didn't matter because he's a "normal human being" who reads, among other things, TMZ.

Story developing ...

David Hasselhoff has issued the following statement to TMZ in the wake of the leaked videotape that showed him visibly intoxicated.

"More than a year ago, I made a difficult decision, for the sake of our children and myself, to file for divorce. To this day, my ex-wife has engaged in conduct designed to punish me by repeatedly publishing false statements to the press. Despite her fabricated claims, I have, from the outset of this painful divorce, consistently taken the high road by not responding to the myriad of false allegations made against me by her out of consideration for our children. I recognize that public discussion of the issues which exist between us is not something which is in the best interests of our daughters.

But recent events have made it impossible for me to continue to remain silent. My ex-wife, and her latest attorney (who seems to share a thirst for publicity) recently suggested that I had not only been physically abusive to her, but that I was also physically abusive towards our two daughters, as well. This latest claim is not only utterly false, but it is also obscene. Our daughters are outraged by the falsity of their mother's claims and urged me to allow them to go to the press to challenge these claims. I discouraged our daughters from doing so, but I agreed that I would finally come forward and challenge these absurd claims made by their mother.

When asked outside of court to describe some of the rougher parts of their marriage, the Hoff's ex said, "There is emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and if I didn't have a restraining order there would be physical abuse." Opri also claimed that David's alcoholism contributed to the problems in the marriage.

When reporters asked about hiring new celebrity attorney Debra Opri, Bach replied "Debra is a winner, and I'm sick of being abused."

A rep for David says, "Mr. Hasselhoff continues to fulfill his obligations to his former wife and their children and as a result they continue to maintain the same lifestyle they were accustomed to. Unfortunately, his ex-wife continues to use the press and the children as a tool to present herself as a victim. She has had no less than nine sets of attorneys who have all let her go due to the inconsistency of her behavior."

The Edmonton Oiler, 24, and the former Playmate, 37, were laying out in Palm Springs this weekend, where they were seen smooching and, er, feeling the love.

Debra Opri has made her next move ... and this time she's siding with the mom.

Opri has signed on to rep David Hasselhoff's ex-wife, Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff. The former couple has been locked in a seemingly endless, bitter fight over custody, property and support.