The Hills

Montag's announced on her MySpace page that "Team Heidi" shirts will go on sale next week. Oh, yay! And if you're desperate to get yours before then, you can enter a contest and win one. Imagine being the first person on your block to have one of these priceless gems! They'll likely retail for 15 bux.

You can now complete your Christmas list.

"The Hills" star, wearing a sheer polka dot mini and subtle stiletto Mary Janes, got a taste of reality while leaving the Ultra Supper Club in Toronto last night -- with human crutches helping her make it home!

Lauren and pals were north of the border for an appearance on MTV Canada's "The Hills After Show," and to search for a right (and left) hand man!

UPDATE: An astute TMZ reader up north pointed out LC's companion is none other than Dan Levy, host of MTV Live in Canada and son of Eugene Levy, star of "American Pie," "Splash," and countless other comedies. Rock on!

Check out this photo of L.C. and Lo as they took over the DJ booth on the VIP stage during the birthday bash. Insiders tell us that the party lasted into the wee hours. Of course it did!

Read Lauren Conrad's freshly-glossed lips: No singing from me.

Demonstrating Socratic volumes of self-awareness and spewing more than a little betch-venom Heidi Montag's way, L.C. tells In Touch magazine, "I promise you: I'll never release an album!" This, apparently, comes in response to frenemy Heidi's more or less disastrous debut of her single "Body Language" yesterday on Ryan Seacrest's radio show. (Heidi's guy,Spencer Pratt, who lays down some rhymes on the track, says that it's not actually her "single.")

On this morning's On Air with Ryan Seacrest on KIIS-FM, Heidi demonstrated slightly less vocal range and talent than Bai Ling as she unveiled her new single "Body Language." Then, as though that weren't enough, Spencer -- whose whiteness makes Vanilla Ice look like Jesse Jackson -- flexed his hip-hop talent by rapping.

According to Heidi, "Body" is dance/urban-inspired (she's down like that yo) and she hopes it's played in clubs -- except people won't dance, they'll run for the door! Heidi better hope that the stars are deaf when it comes to this single.

"The Hills" attention-whore-in-chief Heidi Montag got a serious rock from her, uh, beloved fiancee, Spencer Pratt. But it looks like the bling is about as "real" as all the bitchfighty drama on the MTV series.

As you may have seen, not-so-big-spender Pratt asks to borrow pal Brody Jenner's credit card to buy the engagement ring -- slow week with no tabloid photos to sell! Princess Heidi's engagement ring was purchased from the Ice Accessory store at a mall in Brentwood. Spencer ultimately picked out what looked like a pink diamond surrounded by diamonds, and even crowed that J. Lo and Kobe's wife Vanessa had identical ice, and that Heidi would need "a GPS device" for the ring in case she lost it.

"Hills" good girls Audrina Patridge and Lauren Conrad took a break from feuding with frenemies Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag to weigh in on the recent spate of hard-partying DUI-ing celebs.

"I think it's interesting that years ago in Hollywood that getting a DUI or going to rehab was something that would destroy your career, and now it's something that makes it," said Lauren to Chris Yandek at TheSportsInterview.com.

Added Tiffani-Amber Thiessen-alike Audrina, "Me and Lauren take cabs everywhere in L.A. at night. We never drink and drive." She never learned proper pronouns either.

Will Fifty Cent take Kanye, or will "Curtis" drop out while Kanye "Graduates?" Hip-hop heads now have the opportunity to bet on who they believe will win in the head to head battle between Kanye West and Fifty Cent. The egotastic dueling duo are both dropping albums on September 11 and good ol' Half Buck swears he's going to win.

Turns out, the gambling site BoDog.com believe him! Odds are currently 2 to 1 in support of Fifty to both top album sales and debut higher on Billboard's Top 200 Chart. He's gotta lotta fans up in da club!

It's her party and she'll ban Spencer and Heidi if she wants to! A source told TMZ that "Hills" heroine Lauren Conrad refused to attend this past Wednesday's premiere if former BFF/blonde bimbo Heidi Montag and her handler/boyfriend Spencer Pratt attended.

So how did the show's producers manage to get her to her own party? They made Heidi and Spence come early and then kicked them out after an hour or so to make way for LC! Who's the blonde b**ch now!?

In other "Hills" premiere news, Perez Hilton was miffed when a rumor surfaced that said he was banned from the show's opening party. Perez sez he never intended to attend the premiere, and was on a flight to New York during the event anyway.

Pop sister Ashlee Simpson won't let pieces of any other girl get in between her and her man, Fall Out Boy/manscara wearer Pete Wentz. Last weekend in Chicago, she and Wentz stopped by the Blender Sessions at the Hard Rock Hotel to celebrate Crobar Chicago co-owner Mike Matushcka's 40th birthday, reports Page Six. A jealous and possessive Ashlee stayed close to Wentz and wouldn't let other ladies get near her man. When foxy female Fall Out Boy fans tried to get their pics taken with the emo-tastic Wentz, Ashlee "got whiny and dragged him away," said a source.

How has "Hills" Aryan supervillain Spencer Pratt managed to become a media phenomenon? Radar magazine thinks Pratt's got it down to a five point program. Bratty Pratt's master plan? Up your TV air time by becoming a controversial character. Then convince another show's star -- Heidi -- to settle down with you and -- then take over every aspect of her life. Next, start a public war with another one of the show's stars -- Lauren. Step four: Diss and drop your former BFF. Said Spencer of former friend Brody Jenner, "It's like Bush and Cheney, and you wouldn't see Cheney rolling with Bin Laden in the club." It might be good for Pratt to go to Afghanistan and see if he can roll with Bin Laden -- in the club.

And finally, if all else fails -- and hopefully, it will -- play the grandma card. Spencer says his grandma "wears a button with my face on it that says 'I'm Spencer Pratt's grandma.'" Poor woman!

MTV president Brian Graden says that part of what makes "The Hills" so successful is that the real-life drama never ends -- even when the show stops filming. Showstoppers Lauren Conrad, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag -- who return to the idiot box on August 13 -- keep generating good gossip all year long. Said Graden to Entertainment Weekly, "It's kind of postmodern marketing. We're living in an age of TMZ and Perez Hilton, and 'The Hills' indulges that." It does?

The endless gossip serves "Hills" stars/monster couple Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, who claim that the series doesn't accurately represent their romance. "We don't fight in real life," said Pratt. But Pratt/Montag frenemy Lauren Conrad disagrees. "They can never make you say or do something," she said. "You can always blame editing, but they can't do magic." Presto! Your ex-best friend is now a smarmy jerk!

Is "The Hills" here to stay? "I don't know if I could do another season," said Heidi. "Being on a reality show is not very glamorous." But having your boyfriend pimp you out is?!

The villainous "Hills" stars were spotted outside of Koi last night, where people actually lined up to take pictures with the terrible twosome. When TMZ asked how they were getting along with the somewhat lackluster Lauren, Heidi and Spencer told a bold-faced lie, saying, "Great" and "just fine" -- a far cry from what they told Ryan Seacrest earlier in the day.

Don't expect these two to go away anytime soon -- the new season of the show starts next week -- and Heidi has plans to pull a Paris and release a single. Is there no end to their dastardly deeds?

The terrible twosome were on "On Air with Ryan Seacrest" today to string up some more dirty laundry -- saying they were "shocked" by the article and calling it "literally a hate piece." Pratt contends it's the first story the mag has ever done without contacting the other side for comment.

The kvetching duo talked to Ryan about LC's sex tape leaking (they didn't release it), a threatening run-in with Joel Madden and Nicole Richie, and Montag's upcoming album (described as "dance, urban, rhythmical"). The new season of "The Hills" starts next Monday.

TMZ spotted the twosome outside of Les Deux last night, shooting scenes for the upcoming season of "The Hills." Conrad and Patridge were then caught complaining to a producer about going back to the club because there was too much paparazzi around. Uh, hello? Tick tock ... 15 minutes girls!

These girls -- not exactly household names for the non-MTV demographic -- should be thrilled they're even recognized!

TMZ spotted Lauren Conrad's trusty sidekick yesterday at an event for Bravo's new real estate themed reality show "Flipping Out" where she talked briefly about Heidi's recent boob job, saying, "If they make her feel good about herself, good for her," but adding, "I really don't care!" When asked about smarmy Spencer, Audrina had nothing to say but "No comment!"

With the terrible twosome out of the picture, Audrina revealed there will be an addition to the cast this coming season -- a boyfriend. She chose to keep his identity a secret for now. "The Hills" premieres August 13.

A poll of more than 10,000 people from Brit newspaper The Mirror shows that most Brits think that Posh Spice's TV special, "Victoria Beckham: Coming to America," was a bad idea. Thirty percent reported that it made her look awful, while an additional 49 percent of respondents didn't bother to watch it at all. Only 21 percent of cheeky Brits thought Princess Posh came off looking good on the poorly watched show.

It's a good thing that Posh and Becks have a slew of celeb friends to support them. On Sunday night they were feted at a gala hosted by famous friends Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith -- and attended by 600 of Hollywood's elite.

Holy Hogwarts! Harry Potter is rich! Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe celebrates his 18th birthday today and gains access to the $10 million he's made doing the Potter franchise, making him one of the richest teens around. What's he planning to do with all that cold hard cash? Nothing extravagant Says Radcliffe in a Reuters interview, "The things I like buying are things that cost about 10 pounds -- books and CDs and DVDs."

And don't look for Radcliffe to pull a Lohan. "People are always looking to say 'kid star goes off the rails.' But I try very hard not to go that way because it would be too easy for them."