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Justin Bieber's perfectly chiseled torso was threatened by a lone attacker in a Canadian nightclub -- leading to a big mystery: Was JB's shirt ripped open, or did he voluntarily bare his abs?

TMZ investigates ...

Thanks to Beyoncé -- and her new music video shoot -- an all-out civil war is now raging within TMZ.

B gave one of our NYC camera guys a walk-on role, instantly making his dream come true ... and making everyone in our L.A. office want to kill him.

Thanks, Mrs. Carter!

No offense to LMFAO frontman Redfoo -- but turns out the tiny mankini he's sporting, and its cargo, have a lot in common with a tiny bird.

Budgie ... it's Australian for penis!

Miley Cyrus is now officially a rapper -- sorta -- which gave us the perfect opportunity to ask A$AP Rocky what he thinks of MC's skills on the mic.

Check out his review -- it was awesome ... for a guy who was "high as f**k!"

Just when you thought ex-"Teen Mom" Farrah Abraham's horrible acting would end up on "Days of Our Lives" -- it turns out her Shakespearean skills are still only good enough ... for porn.

Soap fans rejoice. Porn fans? You don't care, but enjoy her awesomely bad audition tape, anyway!

Lindsay Lohan's looking better than she has in years -- but you can still celebrate all her other ups, downs, boyfriends, girlfriends and arrests she's had ... with LiLo trading cards!

Calm down, sickos -- they're not real. Not yet, anyway.

Justin Bieber learned a couple of valuable (and expensive) lessons while cruising through Calabasas -- like what those big red signs with "STOP" on them really mean.

And also ... GET A DAMN LICENSE, Biebs!

It's not every day an NBA superstar like Kevin Durant gives you advice on something he knows all about -- SPORTS!

So, watch KD and his fellow hoopsters (one real, one from a movie) drop some knowledge ... listen up, Harv!

"Breaking Bad" star RJ Mitte turned 21 in true Vegas style -- partying with booze, scantily clad women ... and his mom (not at all scantily). So, why party with Mom?

Here's the best explanation from our newsroom -- and by best, we mean ... worst.

It's a dream come true for a Pauly Shore fan (yes, they still exist) -- a chance to live, eat, and bang just like the Weasel did while growing up in the Hollywood Hills!

Of course, finding an "Encino Man" lover with $5.8 mil lying around might be a challenge.

Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga went cheek-to-cheek in a heated category at the VMAs: Most Likely to Give Censors a Heart Attack!

Congrats, Miley ... on grinding your way to the top -- of a teddy bear, and Robin Thicke! Twerk twerk twerk twerk twerk ...

Ben Affleck is gonna be the best Batman ever -- is what almost no one is saying, but before fanboys start committing hari kari ... we present a few reasons Ben could actually be a wicked pissah supah-hero!

Just try to forget 'Daredevil' ever happened. Ben does.

Eva Longoria is right where every guy wants her to be ... splitsville, baby! Sure, her ex probably isn't as happy about it, but he had his shot.

Next!

Wiz Khalifa's pal Curren$y was fully on the guest list for his recent wedding ... and the rapper fully intended to be there for Wiz and Amber Rose -- but then something came up.

Like a lighter ... and some weed. Ok, a lot of weed.

Black Keys' singer Dan Auerbach is losing more than love or money in his divorce -- in fact, rock historians would say he's parting with something far more valuable ... Bob Dylan's hair!!!

Guess, you'd call that a split end to Dan's marriage -- if you're into bad puns (like someone in the TMZ newsroom is).

"Fred" star Lucas Cruikshank finally told all his fans he's gay -- which is, without question, a bold and brave decision to be applauded.

It's also something, millions of his fans apparently could've told him years ago.