It's the kinda house 99.999% of the world will never see ... let alone OWN -- but TMZ has learned, Ellen DeGeneres and her wife Portia de Rossi just purchased this $26.5 million mansion in Santa Barbara.

The deal went through last week, and words can't do justice to how insane this house is -- it's 10,522 square feet ... located in Montecito, which has some of the most beautiful vistas in Cali.  It's got 6 bedrooms and 6 bathrooms ... and it sits on 13 ACRES.

Oh yeah, it's also got NINE fireplaces ... and even the pool's got an ocean view.

And if that weren't crazy enough, it's just the latest house Ellen has added to her arsenal -- she also owns several other properties in the Los Angeles area, including homes in Beverly Hills and Hidden Valley.

Annnnnnd now we feel poor. Thanks, Ellen.

Candy Spelling ain't no condo squatter ... She just scored a big legal victory against her landlord, who claimed Candy was living in her building illegally and wanted to give her the boot.

TMZ broke the story ... Candy's been living in a $28,000-a-month condo at the famous Carlyle building in L.A. while the finishing touches are being put on her $47 million penthouse.  Seems the work is taking longer than expected.

The landlord sued Candy in February, claiming she refused to hightail it out of her unit ... even though the lease had expired.

But Candy fired back, insisting she had the right to extend her lease for six months ... so that's exactly what she did. The judge agreed, and ruled in Candy's favor.

Candy's lawyer Michael Saltz tells TMZ, her next step will be to force the landlord to pay her extremely large legal bill.

The home of Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice was struck by a burglar this weekend ... and the scumbag made off with two guns and $2,000 in cash ... this according to police.

Cops say Rice wasn't home at the time of the burglary -- which went down between 8:30 am Friday and 12:50 am Saturday -- but a friend was staying at Rice's Maryland home and reported the incident to police.

The good news ... cops say there is surveillance video of the crook entering through a rear window and ransacking the home.

Rice released a statement to USA Today saying, "My family and I are fine, which is the most important thing. This is an unfortunate incident that I am dealing with through the proper channels.''

Big "Grease" Fan? Scared of crazy hurricanes destroying your house? Super rich?  If you answered yes to all those questions then get happy ... Olivia Newton-John's storm-ready mansion is for $ale.

Olivia listed the waterfront digs -- located on Florida's primo Jupiter Island -- for $6.2 million. She bought the house back in 2009 for $4.1 million and added $2 million in renovations according to Redfin.

It paid off, because the house is sweet -- 6,383 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3.5 baths, a private boat dock, gym, lagoon style pool, spa and lush tropical landscapes.

Not only that ... ONJ's casa comes with hurricane impact-rated glass windows and doors -- made to stand up to super violent storms. Which is great because if you move to Florida you're pretty much guaranteed hurricane action.

Seriously it's rough out there. 

Kordell Stewart REAALLLY doesn't wanna see his estranged wife Porsha Williams anymore ... 'cause the ex-NFL star just changed the locks on the family home to keep her out ... this according to Porsha.

The "Real Housewives of ATL" star just filed new docs in her divorce war with Kordell ... and it appears the nasty split just got even NASTIER.

According to the docs, filed in family court in Georgia and obtained by TMZ, Porsha claims Kordell has locked her out of their residence on multiple occasions ... and she had to have her lawyer beg Kordell's people for a key.

Sources close to the situation tell us Kordell isn't playing ball -- and hasn't forked over a key.

But there's more ... according to the docs, Porsha tried to work things out with Kordell in a mediation session, but she claims he blew the whole thing off ... and called it a "waste of everyone's time."

Porsha wants a judge to force Kordell to either allow her to use the house ... or pay her enough cash so she can get a "suitable alternative residence."

Sources tell us Porsha is currently living with her mom in ATL -- guess she feels it's just not a "suitable residence" for a grown woman.

Calls to Kordell's people have not been returned.

Mischa Barton came face-to-face with several police officers on Thursday ... when a fleet of squad cars rushed to her L.A. home in response to a report of a screaming woman on the actress' property, TMZ has learned.

Law enforcement sources tell us, the 911 call reporting the screamer listed Mischa's address as the location of the disturbance ... so multiple cop cars raced to the scene.

We're told cops knocked on Mischa's door and the actress answered -- but there was no screaming woman to be seen (or heard).

According to sources, police determined they were given the wrong address ... and later found the woman in question further down the block.

We're told Mischa's dad was also home when cops showed up -- and he was PISSED, believing Mischa was the victim of some kind of "swatting" prank.

Nope.

Next on American Top 40 ... Casey Kasem's wife is gunning for revenge in a brand new lawsuit, titled, "You did a crap job painting my ginormous mansion and now I want my money back."

Jean Kasem filed a lawsuit -- obtained by TMZ -- claiming she hired New Life Custom Painting to work on parts of her 12,000-square-foot Cali mansion in 2012. Jean says she dropped major cash on the gig and the company gave her a 5-year warranty on the work.

Problem is, Jean says the work SUCKED ... was left incomplete ... and what was painted is already peeling.

In her suit, Jean claims her lawyers have reached out to the company to fix the problem or return the cash ... but NLCP has gone MIA.

Now, Jean is demanding more than $80,000 in damages.

FYI -- The house happens to be for sale. So if you've got $30 mil and don't mind a few (alleged) paint chips ... today's your lucky day.

Hi, my name is Paris and I'm a two-time victim of ... SWATTING.

Welcome Paris.

TMZ has learned Paris Hilton re-joined the celeb swatting club when someone called 911 pretending to be her, and told cops she was trapped in her bedroom with a gun to her head.

Multiple police cars rushed to Paris' L.A. mansion to search for intruders after the call came in last weekend -- but all they found were Paris' pooches chillin' by themselves.

This is deja vu all over again for Paris ... TMZ broke the story when cops responded to her house 2 months ago for a very similar call.

Sources tell us, Paris wasn't home for the latest incident, and was completely unaware until she got back and saw the LAPD cruisers lined up outside her house.

As we previously reported ... Justin Timberlake, Khloe Kardashian, Selena Gomez, Russell Brand, Ryan Seacrest, Miley Cyrus and Magic Johnson have all been swatted too. 

Miley Cyrus is now a two-time member of the Swatted Club ... after cops were called to her house last night for yet another fake 911 emergency ... TMZ has learned.

According to our sources, cops received a 911 call at around 8:55 PM last night from a female claiming to be calling from her closet and reporting shots fired in her home.

Of course, when cops arrived ... they quickly determined the call was not real.

Our sources say Miley was not home at the time of the incident.

One of our photogs rolled by Miley's crib not long after the call was place and found the coast all clear.


This isn't the first time cops have been dispatched to Miley's crib on a bogus call. Miley was swatted last August, which was one of the first ... in what has turned out to be many ... such incidents.

Justin Bieber could have a brand new porn-star neighbor in his ultra-exclusive L.A. community -- 'cause TMZ has learned Farrah Abraham has her eye on a $3 million pad right around the corner from the singer.

We've learned ... the star of "Back Door Teen Mom" was on the mansion hunt this weekend in The Oaks in Calabasas -- an expensive gated community home to stars like Kourtney Kardashian, Travis Barker, Romeo, Keyshawn Johnson, Shanna Moakler and others.

One of the homes that tickled Farrah's fancy was a 4,851 square feet pad with 5 bedrooms, 6 baths ... and a $3,299,900 price tag.

It's unclear if Farrah has already put down an offer ... but with the 6-figures she made from the tape, she could definitely afford the down payment.

The monthly mortgage payments, on the other hand ... let's just say she might need to re-open the back door if she plans on staying here a while.

Hugh Hefner really loves his 27-year-old Playmate wife Crystal Harris ... we're told he's created an intricate plan to set her up in a multi-million dollar estate, where no one in his world can displace her once he dies ... but there is one hitch.

Hef plunked down $5 million last month for a 5,900-square-foot Hollywood Hills mansion, which is held in trust for the 2 of them.  Short story -- Crystal owns the house with him.

Playboy sources tell us ... the couple is happily living at the Playboy Mansion, and they have no plans to move.  So why, you ask, did they buy the Hollywood Hills home?  Fact is ... Hef is a renter!  He doesn't own the Playboy Mansion ... it's owned by Playboy Enterprises.

We're told the 87-year-old perennial player wants to make sure Crystal has a roof over her head when he's gone, and the Hollywood Hills estate fits the bill.

As for the one hitch -- it's if they get unhitched.  Then Hef will either give her the house, buy her out, or fight it out in court. 

BTW ... the house has 4 bedrooms, 5 baths, an infinity pool and sick views -- perfect for a young widow.