Fights

Filed under: a little bit offensive.

Las Vegas' little versions of Rihanna and Chris Brown will settle their differences in a wrestling ring two weeks from today.

It's a tag team affair. Mini Steven Spielberg will team with Mini Rihanna, while Mini Bernie Madoff partners with Mini Brown.

Isn't this one of the seven signs of the apocalypse?

After the concert-goer allegedly tossed a beer on stage and flipped Toby off -- the 6'4," 250 lb singer jumped into the crowd, busted through security and fans, violently wrangled the dude into a death grip and then began screaming at him.

We're not sure what Toby said, but we think these words: &*$#, *&^%$ and @!#$&$%^$ were used.

Ironic part: Toby was right in the middle of singing "A Little Less Talk And A Lot More Action."

Linda Lovelace would have been proud to know the word "throat" is firmly planted in hers.

The man who owns the rights to legend-harry "Deep Throat" has fired off a cease and desist letter to Vivid Entertainment, claiming Vivid's remake "Throat: A Cautionary Tale" violates his legal rights to the name.

"D.T." owner Ray Pistol claims in his letter to Vivid he's cornered the famous title by getting a federally registered Trademark. He also claims Vivid broke a deal he had with the company re: the name.

Note to Mr. Pistol -- Why no complaints about other pornos like "Throat Gaggers," "Throat Sluts," and "Throat Chokers"... or the behind the scenes TV show about the remake called "Deeper Throat"?

With a name like War Machine, what do you expect to happen?

Former "Ultimate Fighter" badass Jon Koppenhaver, who goes by the aforementioned MMA nickname, was picked up by Las Vegas PD for misdemeanor battery Saturday morning after allegedly getting into a tussle at Krave Nightclub -- a place described by one of their reps as "gay ... but very straight-friendly."

It all went down at a concert in Pikeville, Kentucky on Saturday night when Keith says one rowdy fan threw him "the bird" ... and then threw a beer.

Keith's reps tell TMZ Toby jumped off the stage and confronted the guy face-to-face. After Toby fired off a few choice words, the guy backed down and security dragged him out.

Toby apologized for the incident moments after it happened -- as you can see in the video -- but no arrests were made and the rest of the concert went off without a hitch.

The WWE is officially weighing in on the Chris Jericho brawl in Victoria, BC yesterday, by releasing the following statement to TMZ:

"After leaving a live event in Victoria, British Columbia on Saturday evening, Chris Jericho's car was attacked by a mob when he was stopped at a stop sign. Unable to proceed, Chris Jericho exited his car to ask the crowd to clear a path so he could continue through the intersection. A man and a woman physically and verbally assaulted Mr. Jericho. Arena and WWE security arrived to establish enough order to allow Mr. Jericho to re-enter his vehicle and depart. The local police arrived minutes later. Mr. Jericho was unharmed in the incident. The WWE is working with local authorities who are investigating the incident to identify the man and woman who fled the scene."

It all went down after a WWE event at the Save-On Foods Memorial Centre in Victoria, BC -- an angry crowd began heckling Chris Jericho as he was driving out of the parking lot. When Jericho stared down a female fan, that's when things got violent...

In the video, it appears she spit on the wrestler -- Jericho flipped out and the woman was knocked to the ground. At that point, one of the dudes in the crowd rushes in to attack Chris.

Jericho managed to shove that guy away -- and others who got close. During the melee, Chris can be heard screaming at security to "do your f***ing job." Finally, security tackled one of the men to the ground and Chris was able to get in his ride and take off.

Cops in Victoria -- who are currently investigating the incident -- called it a "minor event."

Doing his best John Cusack impression, Kutcher and Demi blasted Peter Gabriel, held up a sign reading "Free Hugs" and even chucked bottles of Vitamin Water down to the rooftop workers below.

Hope nobody complains about the loud music ...

Wonder if the apology will be accepted?

on a house at 7:30 in the morning.

Kutcher got a camera and taped the explosion -- it's an instant classic.

Ashton has been blogging updates on the situation all morning -- here are the unedited highlights ... with spelling errors and all:

-- this SOB owl feces cougar placenta jack bone dick!
-- Jack ass 7am building a goddamn fort next to my house f'in up my view and noise polluting the entire f'in neighborhood with pounding steal
-- holy moly I'm gonna lose it!
-- this ass clown has another thing coming!
-- I'm gonna kill my neighbor!

Demi also fired off some shots on her website as well -- here are those unedited gems:

The man who is building the house that caused Ashton Kutcher to melt down says the actor is acting "silly."

Bruce Goldsmith, a screenwriter, says he's "startled" that Kutcher went crazy this morning at 7:30 AM, complaining of noise at

.

Goldsmith was quick to point out the city of L.A. allows him to start construction at 7:00 AM, and that Ashton "just doesn't want to deal with reality." Goldsmith says Ashton, who called him a "dickweed," a "jackass" and "owl feces cougar placenta," is "out of line." As Goldsmith says, "they don't make hammers covered with rubber."

Goldsmith finds it somewhat ironic that the house Kutcher lives in was built over a ten year period and neighbors had to deal with the noise.

He adds Kutcher has been pleasant in the past but has complained, with Goldsmith telling him he "can't do anything about the noise." He's been building the house for six months.

We just found the lawsuit, filed last month in L.A. County Superior Court, in which Emicles Da Mata claims on December 7, 2008, he had stopped his car on a Beverly Hills street when Beckham reached through the driver's window and grabbed his camera and attempted to wrestle it from him. Da Mata was holding the camera at the time.

The lawsuit claims Beckham's bodyguard -- also a defendant -- then beat him repeatedly, grabbed the camera and threw it in a trash can. The picture on the left shows two of Beckham's bodyguards on top of Da Mata.

Da Mata says he was injured and is suing for assault and battery, as well as emotional distress. He's seeking unspecified damages.

Seth told us he had no plans to fight back at Cartman and crew for knocking his show, because it would be "way too much work."

But he did make one correction to the "South" episodes: "Family" is written by sperm whales, not manatees.

Snoop Dogg wants back into the UK after being banned, and he's trying to get David Beckham, Paul McCartney and, uh, John Lennon to help him out.

The Doggfather, according to the Mirror, has contacted his boy Becks (who appeared on his reality show) as well as Sir Paul to enlist their influence in letting him back into the UK. He got 86ed from the UK after that insane airport slap-up a couple years back.