Hot Bodies

"Bachelor" castoff Blakeley Shea is showing Ben Flajnik what he's really missing out on -- performing a head-spinningly sexy breast-in-the-face lap dance this week ... and there is a God ... because it was all caught on tape!!!

Blakeley hosts a weekly "Bachelor" viewing party at a nightclub in Charlotte, NC -- where she's from -- and on Monday, she got eliminated from the show ... so she marked the occasion by getting down and dirty with one of her girlfriends.

In his never-ending quest to avoid a real job, former "Bachelor" Jake Pavelka has signed a deal to become the next piece of man candy at Chippendales.

Jake will begin his stint at the Rio in Las Vegas on Feb. 23 and will serve as the celebrity MC ... just like former 98 Degrees singer Jeff Timmons and "Jersey Shore" star Ronnie Magro.

Sources tell us Jake's getting the VIP treatment ... with his very own dressing room -- but we're told he WILL NOT be wearing the signature Chippendales cuff and collar.

She's the breakout star of this season's "Mob Wives" and one of Staten Island's finest convicted cocaine dealers, but Angela "Big Ang" Raiola brought out the big, er, guns to the west coast when she went to BOA in L.A. on Monday.

Jennifer Lopez showed off her 42-year-old mother of two taut flat stomach while in Malibu the other day.

The "American Idol" judge was looking belly good, as her 24-year-old boy toy lover Casper Smart frolicked on the sand with her daughter Emme.

But just because the Giants are completely deprived of their bouncy-cheery-spirit-fingers-hotness, doesn't mean you eyeballs have to be punished.

A crowd of Justin Bieber fans was thrilled to see their hero skateboarding outside his recording studio in Miami last night -- then he took off his shirt and they went BALLISTIC.

Bieber was at the Hit Factory and a crowd of about 60 fans gathered outside. According to one witness, the group waited about five hours for a glimpse of the Biebs, when he finally obliged and came out to skateboard for a few minutes.

The most disturbing part ... after he took off his shirt and the screaming subsided, one girl BEGGED for Justin to give her his shirt, promising, "Please, we'll share it!"

"Captain America" star Chris Evans showed off his super buff superhero hairy chest and abs while at some sorta photo shoot at Vasquez Rocks Natural Park outside L.A. on Wednesday.

The 30-year-old knows being shirtless is his patriotic duty.

The lord is my personal trainer, I shall not want.

Mega-televangelist Joel Osteen hit the beach in Hawaii this week for a little family vacation time with his wife Victoria, his son Jonathan, his daughter Alexandra ... and a SHREDDED SIX PACK!!!

Besides being one of the most famous preachers in the world, Osteen is also a health nut ... who dishes out diet advice on his web page. Judging by his sculpted physique, dude knows what he's talking about.

Victoria's Secret model Candice Swanepoel knows the first rule when it comes to smoking hot bikini shoots on the beach -- always wear protection ... sweet, sweet, lotion-y protection.

The pic was snapped Saturday in Saint Barts where the super model's butt ... some woman's ... hand ... sorry, where were we?

While Adriana Lima posed for a photo shoot on the beach in St. Barts, someone was actually given the very, very enviable task of making sure the super model's ample boobs were in just the right spot -- which is odd ... since there is no wrong spot for them.

Being Adriana's breast friend in the world ... where do we sign up?

While her ex-boyfriend Kasey Kahl deals with the aftermath of his drunk-and-disorderly arrest -- Vienna Girardi hung out in a bikini with her other ex-boyfriend Jake Pavelka Lee Smith in Miami on Tuesday.

In case you forgot -- Vienna stormed off "Relationship Rehab" last month, where she was hammering out issues with Kahl. Vienna was pissed because producers blindsided her with a surprise sit-down with Lee, an ex at the time.

But now, sources close to the couple tell us Vienna and Lee have since been talking and working on their relationship.

Fun fact: Lee was also the guy that allegedly sent Vienna flirty emails back when she was engaged to "Bachelor" Jake Pavelka.

You weren't the only one who Googled that smoking hot NBA cheerleader from "American Idol" this week -- THOUSANDS of other people did too ... and TMZ has learned, the massive surge in traffic crashed her manager's website.

In case you missed Wednesday's episode, the smokeshow's name is Brittany Kerr -- a cheerleader for the Charlotte Bobcats. J.Lo wasn't that impressed with her audition, but Steven Tyler and Randy Jackson eagerly handed the girl a ticket to Hollywood.

But the fanfare didn't end there ... a rep for Kerr's management company -- which hosts multiple photos of her on its website -- tells TMZ, its site was forced to shut down for hours after a massive surge in traffic crippled its servers.

But Kerr's management company wasn't the only thing affected ... photographer Jim Merrill -- who recently snapped Kerr in a bikini shoot -- tells TMZ, he had to scramble to buy additional bandwidth for his website to accommodate all the voyeurs.

Merrill tells us, he typically gets about 5,000 hits a month on his website -- but just moments after Kerr's audition, his traffic ballooned to 20,000 hits.

Rihanna was hanging by a few small threads in Hawaii yesterday -- testing the structural integrity of a tiny black thong bikini, while sunning her 23-year-old buns in the ocean ... on a paddleboard.

Whatever floats her butt.

Eva Longoria has had enough of Tony Parker, both in marriage and on her body, because she went to a famous tattoo guy Wednesday to begin the final process of 86'ing the "NINE" tattoo on her neck.

Nine, of course, is Tony's number on the San Antonio Spurs, but it's not sitting well with Eva now that she's divorced from Parker. We've learned she went to Dr. Tattoff -- the famous tattoo removal guy -- Wednesday to get all traces of the tat removed.

There were reports Eva tried to laser off the tattoo, but it didn't do the trick.

Eva will soon be clean as a whistle ... for the new guy who, by the way, accompanied her to Dr. Tattoff.

​Muscle god Chris Hemsworth celebrated the news that his gorgeous wife Elsa Pataky is pregnant with their first child just like anybody else would ... by diving down an inflatable slide off a helicopter-carrying luxury yacht with Matt Damon in St. Barts on Wednesday.

This is how Thor and Jason Bourne unwind.

Lil' Kim -- and her badonkadonk -- tried to relive some of their hip-hop heydays by droppin' it like it's hot while on stage at a party at an IMAX movie theater in Tampa this weekend.