John Mayer Is Jen Aniston's Bitch
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Looks like John Mayer is getting relationship advice from Tom Brady.
After spending the weekend with Jennifer Aniston, John arrived at a private airport in Miami with her dog. Good boy.
Hey, when your nongirlfriend makes more money than you -- you really are in the doghouse.
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Paris' Doggie Do, Er, Don't
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America's sweetest waste of space clung to her chubby boyfriend while exiting Villa the other night, showing off her lush new Golden Retriever weave. Arf!
She better get a flea dip for that thing - summer's coming up. We're just sayin'...
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Ryan Cabrera Total Chicken S**t
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Pop singer-turned-edgy rocker Ryan Cabrera, better known as that guy that used to date Ashlee Simpson, is set to debut his white meat at the Chickenfest in Darboy, Wisc. Is Joe Simpson behind this?
No, the Chickenfest is not code for anything, it's really a festival celebrating the chicken. Cabrera is the highlight of the poultry party that also includes chicken wing eating contests and hourly "chicken dance" competitions.
Coachella what?
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Heidi Montag: Kentucky Dingbat
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Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag took their D-list brand of horses**t to the Kentucky Derby on Saturday -- and in a truly candid moment, Heidi looked through the wrong end of the binoculars. You can't make this stuff up!
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Kim K. Goes Wild Down Under
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Taking a break from whatever it is she does, Kim Kardashian -- and her gorgeous sister Khloe -- played with some animals of the non-Hollywood club-going kind on Wednesday at an Australian zoo.
No word if anyone petted Kim's favorite pet -- her wild ass.
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Ling Ling Dead Dead
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Tokyo's most famous zoo critter, Ling Ling, has taken the panda express to that great bamboo plant in the sky.
Officials say Japan's only giant panda died of old age in his cage yesterday. At 22, Ling Ling was the equivalent of a 70-year-old human.
Dude Looks Like a ... Hot Tranny Mess
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No, that's not Steven Cojocaru, Carly Simon or Alexis Arquette. It's 60-year-old Aerosmith front thing Steven Tyler.
Steven terrorized photogs and shoppers by flashing his breast outside Fred Segal in Los Angeles on Wednesday.
There's a lot more than a wardrobe malfunctioning here.
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Portman to Pup: Pee for Vendetta
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Natalie Portman found the weather forecast in NYC to be partly cloudy with a chance of golden showers!
While walking through a Manhattan park on Sunday, the gorgeous 26-year-old stopped to pet a cute dog -- who quickly made her a public toilet. Natalie Port-a-potty.
Natalie's reaction is a pissa!
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Ving Says His Caretaker Didn't Go To the Dogs
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According to Ving Rhames, it was sickle cell anemia that killed his caretaker back in August -- so stop blaming his oversized pups!
The gnaw-happy pooches in question, three Mastiffs and an English Bulldog, are now back at home with Ving.
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Martha's Dead Dog: It's a Good Thing?
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Martha Stewart can make a beautiful occasion out of any dinner party, wedding, even a stock trade gone bad -- but the carcass of your dead dog?!
The ex-con media mogul's nearly 13-year-old dog, Paw Paw, died of renal failure on Saturday and she's posted a creepy pic on her blog of the expired pup -- entombed in a sheet with an adorable little bow wrapped around him. Death is pretty!
Just imagine what Martha could do with your Aunt Sally's cremated remains?!
Jackie Chan Rolls With Some Tough Bitches
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TMZ got too close to Jackie's pooch pal, and she was not having it.
Down girl!
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Brandon Davis, Pignapped?!
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Unlike the Lindbergh baby, Patty Hearst or Katie Holmes' soul, would anyone really be upset if pathetic homophobic racist oil heir Brandon Davis was pignapped?!
If only we could find out.
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Miley's Mom Barks to TMZ - "That's Just So Mean!"
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DogGate '08 drama rages on!
Miley's mom Tish -- who looks younger than Miley -- pours her heart out to sympathetic paps over how we called BS on their runaway bitch. The truth is out there - paging the Scooby gang!
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Gummi: Same Douche, Half the Fat!
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For the love of Star Jones! Jason "Gummi Bear" Davis has mysteriously shed a ton of his trademark blubber. How'd he do that?!
After a winter of hibernation, The Bear was spotted in Beverly Hills on Wednesday looking like half the man he used to be -- literally. We'll have whatever he's (legally) havin'.
Hopefully, he'll keep it up and disappear for good!
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Heidi's Pad Nothing But Pussies and Peckers
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Heidi Fleiss moved out of the Nevada home she's been renting, leaving behind damage that makes it look like Jack Hanna had been living there!
Fleiss packed up three weeks ago, but left behind her two cats and a ton of damage done to the place ... by her parrots. The owner estimates the repairs are around $30k. Maybe Heidi can work it off!
Heidi had been renting the house in Nye County for the past 2 1/2 years, paying $1,000 a month in rent. Things were so bad at the house, the county and several neighbors sent the owner letters telling her to clean up the place.
Calls to Heidi's manager and lawyer were not immediately returned.
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Romeo Picks a Winner - And It's Not Dad's Team
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Romeo Beckham goes digging for gold, but the adorable tyke should know he doesn't have to dig that far. His parents are loaded.
The extended Beckham brood came out to watch Becks play in his 100th game for England.
We now know the kid's at least partially human - his mom's a roboho after all.