Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes

Howard Stern was partying with girlfriend Beth Ostrosky in the Hampton's to celebrate her 34th birthday and cover shot for Jason Binn's Hampton's Magazine.

The two began dating 6 years ago when, as Stern jokes, he saw her as a charity case. "I always felt bad for Beth because she's really homely and I took pity on her and went out with her," he teased.

Of course, not all the talk was about the happy couple, as Stern shot at media targets Britney Spears and Suri Cruise. In light of Britney's nude photos in Harper's Bazaar, the "King of All Media" had some choice words for the pop princess saying, "Right now my mother looks better in a pair of panties."

Yet Suri's stroller is visible - parked outside on Cruise's porch.

But Suri -- well I've been reading the comments on TMZ, and although I agree there's something weird about the whole situation -- something we don't fully understand -- the kid exists.

If this were a giant ruse, there's no way they would have carried out a charade at a hospital. I don't care who it is, Tom Cruise or Joe Schmo, there's no way a hospital would risk its license by becoming the backdrop for a phony birth. For starters, I think it's a crime to submit a bogus birth certificate to the County of Los Angeles. Beyond that, medical licenses would be squarely on the line. I will tell you -- I called St. John's this past Monday over our Suri Cruise birth certificate story and the officials seemed panicked, ultimately hanging up on me. But I just don't believe St. John's would cross the line.

If there really were no Suri, it would have been simple to just have a home birth, or a birth at the Scientology Center.

Look, the whole thing is just plain weird. The PDA was nauseating pre-birth, and now -- well, where's the love? And as long as we're talking, I have another question. A few days before giving birth, who buys a size 2 pair of jeans? I get the idea that a pregnant woman sets goals, but usually that means going to their closet and finding a pre-pregnant pair and saying "I'm gonna fit into these within three months." Who goes out and buys a pair of size 2 jeans?

A potentially explosive tell-all biography of Cruise is now in the writing phase, after a year of research by British writer Andrew Morton. Sources tell TMZ that Morton has spent the last several months in Los Angeles interviewing people close to Cruise about the star's career, his religion, even his sexuality.

That research is now done, and Morton has sat down to to write the manuscript itself. However, word of some of his findings has begun to eke out in New York publishing circles, generating buzz for a book that is still months away from publication.

Morton gained worldwide attention for his 1992 biography of Princess Diana, in which he disclosed her battles with bulimia and her troubled marriage to Prince Charles. He also wrote "Monica's Story," about Monica Lewinsky and penned a tell-all about Madonna.

A spokesman for St. Martin's Press, which is publishing Morton's Cruise book, said the writer "has done an enormous amount of research; now, he's started to write." The spokesman didn't say what the book's title would be or when it would be published.

Editorial staffers from People, Us Weekly, In Touch, Life and Style and OK! spoke candidly with TMZ, on condition that no names be used.

A source at OK! magazine tells TMZ that a set of exclusive, posed photos of the nearly three-month-old Suri would go for anywhere between 4 and $5 million -- People reportedly paid $4.1 million for pictures of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. The OK! source believes the high price tag is justified, partly because there would be a huge spike in circulation but also because of "the cred" that a glossy would get by having the photos plastered all over the world.

But sources at In Touch and Life & Style magazines beg to differ. The feeling there -- that Suri's first pics would garner a relatively paltry $2 million - $3 million. One source said the concealment of Suri "stinks" of Tom trying to manipulate the situation by creating mystery and thereby driving the price up.

Over at People, a source tells TMZ that the photos would fetch less than Shiloh's. The source says the main draw is not the baby or Tom but Suri's mom -- "People are fascinated by Katie Holmes, who's leading such a weird life now," transforming from an apple-cheeked All-American girl into the Bride of Scientology.

New rumors surface by the hour -- that Tom and Katie are holding out for a better magazine photo deal, that Scientology is involved in the mystery, that Suri doesn't even exist!

So what has fueled the rumors? TMZ has created a timeline that may explain why Suri is becoming a national obsession.

Take a look at these pictures. On March 25, Katie, who was eight months pregnant at the time, looked ginormous. But then, on April 5, 13 days before she gave birth, Katie seemed to shrink.

And there's more.

Katie was snapped by the weekly during a vacation in Telluride, Colo., strolling down the street with a friend and a cappuccino. Neither fiancé Tom Cruise -- nor, significantly, baby Suri -- were anywhere to be found.

Where the heck is Suri Cruise? My cynical opinion -- Tom wants to out do Brad.

So here's my theory. Brad and Angelina got around $4 mil for the first pics of Shiloh, which they donated to charity. The word on the street is that Tom and Katie couldn't get more than $3 million for Suri pics. When you're as big as Tom Cruise, the only place to go is down. He was the biggest star in the world for a long time, loved by all. Now he's neither the biggest nor loved that much.

So forget about the conspiracy theories. People just weren't as into Suri pics as Shiloh pics, and it probably drove Tom nuts. But wait -- there's a solution. Create a mystery and the world will go crazy. That's exactly what I think is going on. If people start questioning if this baby really exists, the pictures automatically become more valuable. If he gets more than $4 mil, he beats Brad. I'm guessing if that happens, the money goes to Scientology, which could make the whole plan backfire.

A rep from L.A. County Vital Records, the agency where birth certificates are filed, confirmed to TMZ that the "License Number" should be the nurse's, not the doctor's.

The same nurse who signed the birth certificate for Tom Cruise's daughter Suri also signed the birth certificate for Brooke Shields' daughter Grier, but there's an interesting discrepancy.

Both babies were born on April 18 at St. John's Hospital in Santa Monica. Anne Heffernan is the registered nurse who signed both birth certificates. As TMZ reported Monday, Heffernan, who never saw Suri, signed her birth certificate. A hospital rep says Heffernan is authorized to sign when a doctor is not available.

On the Suri Cruise certificate, Heffernan's license number is G48079. On the Grier Henchy certificate, Heffernan's license number is different -- G068399. TMZ checked with the California Board of Registered Nursing and we were told Heffernan's license number didn't match either of the birth certificates. A Board rep told TMZ Hefferman's license number is 317058.

And it gets more interesting. The Board of Registered Nursing told TMZ the license number on Grier's certificate comes back to a Dorothy Rork. The license number on Suri's birth certificate is a mystery. There is no name attached to that license number.

By the way, unlike Suri's birth certificate, Brooke Shields signed the one for her daughter. Someone listed as "Friend" signed the certificate for Suri.

Also, the hospital's policy is to file birth certificates with L.A. County within 10 days of birth. In the case of Suri, it took 20 days to file, in part because the "friend" didn't sign for 16 days. In Grier's case, Brooke herself signed two days after her birth and the certificate was filed nine days after the baby was born.

TMZ placed multiple calls to St. John's. So far, no comment.

Related Link
EXCLUSIVE: Suri Cruise Birth Certificate

The document, filed with the Los Angeles County Register-Recorder/County Clerk, was filed May 8, 2006. (Click on document to download) There are several interesting items of note:

First, St. John's Hospital has a policy of filing birth certificates within 10 days of birth. In this case, Suri was born on April 18 but the certificate was not filed until May 8, 20 days later. An official from the hospital told TMZ that the delay occurred because they needed a signature from the parents or a representative of the parents certifying birth, and that person did not come in until May 4. The person who signed is labeled "friend." The signature is not legible.

Also, the "Attendant or Certifier" who signed the certificate -- Anne Heffernan, RNC -- was not in the delivery room and did not see the baby. But a hospital rep tells TMZ that Heffernan is authorized to sign when the doctor is not available. A hospital rep said "normally the doctor signs" but it isn't a requirement.

Thursday's Emmy nominations issued Tom Cruise a big slap in the face and simultaneously re-ignited the Cruise vs. "South Park" grudge match.

"South Park'"s infamous "Trapped in the Closet" episode - which mocked Tom Cruise and Scientology - received praise from the Television Academy via a nod for Outstanding Animated Program.

Ironically, when the episode originally aired in November 2005 the credits listed each contributor's name as 'John Smith' or 'Jane Smith' - an evident reference to the possibility of being sued.

"Trapped in the Closet" eventually led Isaac Hayes - who is a Scientologist - to leave his role as the voice of Chef over what he called the show's "intolerance and bigotry towards religious beliefs." Further controversy ensued when Comedy Central planned to re-air the episode in March 2006 but replaced it at the last minute with another episode.

Rumors circulated that Tom Cruise was behind the cancellation. Cruise denied any involvement and Comedy Central insisted the episode was changed as a tribute to Hayes who had just announced his departure.

In an interview with AOL Book Maven Bethanne Patrick, Dickinson tells Britney to get out of the house she shares with K-Fed: "Go and drop-kick that hick to the next city."

Dickinson, the former supermodel and current reality-show host, also doles out wisdom about Katie Holmes -- "She knew darn well what she was doing when she involved herself with Tom Cruise" -- and Sienna Miller ("Screw Sienna, she took him (Jude Law) from a married woman with three children.")

at least according to the Catholic Church in Australia.

Many around the world were scratching their heads this past weekend, trying to figure out exactly how Kidman was able to get married as a Catholic in a Catholic ceremony, as the Church does not allow for a second marriage (in the Church) after a divorce. Many assumed that Kidman had gotten her marriage to Tom Cruise annulled, which would technically have paved the way for a second marriage in the Church.

Well, not so fast. Kidman's marriage to Cruise lasted 10 years -- a little long to plead temporary insanity -- and considering how notoriously difficult it is to have the Church grant an annulment (they're not handing them out like communion wafers), Kidman may have figured out how to get around the requirement -- she reportedly didn't need an annulment at all.

The BBC is reporting that Kidman's 10-year union to Cruise wasn't recognized by the Catholic Church of Australia. The service was seen only as a legal ceremony and not a spiritual one. In other words, according to the Catholic Church anyway, it never happened. All Kidman had to prove was that it was dissolved legally and she was free to marry any country crooner she wanted. A loophole to be sure, but one that allowed Kidman to reconnect her Catholic faith with Keith Urban, the man she loves.

It's the Brangelina charity effect.

Thanks to the media mileage Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have wrung out of their Africa charity work, celebrities today are falling over themselves to show the world how public spirited they are.

Latest example: Nicole Kidman, who spent the days before her wedding to crooner Keith Urban visiting Sydney's Children's Hospital with her own kids. The happy couple is reportedly asking guests to donate to charity rather then buy gifts.

In addition, Cher in recent days has drummed up money for troop helmets in Iraq, while K-Fed has thrown his substantial celebrity weight behind the fate of ... pennies.

While the new round of celeb heart pouring is an outgrowth of Brangelina's work in Africa, other celebs have been big in the free-money circuit for years. Big donators include: Oprah Winfrey, who gave $52 million in 2005 to charity; Sandra Bullock, who donated $1 million twice, once to the Red Cross following 9/11 and the second to Tsunami Relief; and Paul Newman, who has donated nearly $200 million in after-tax profits of his "Newmans Own" products. There's also Bono who, in our opinion, should be reaching sainthood by the end of the week.

Cruise is on the road again for a promotional tour of 'M:I:3," this time hitting up Japan for its premiere of the film.

His fiancee, Katie Holmes, was nowhere in sight but that, of course, didn't stop reporters from asking about her and baby Suri.

Love those paparazzi photos of your favorite celebrity? Now you can go one step further. Gallery of the Absurd features paintings of today's most talked about celebrities, in drawings that portray the scandal that often surrounds them.

The humorous paintings feature illustrations like Tom Cruise with a pre-nup, Nicole Richie as an example of the human skeletal system, Britney Spears on a Cheetos bag, and Brandon Davis sweating in self disgust.

TMZ contacted the talented artist who calls herself 14, to see if any celebs had contacted her about her work. 14 says that a girlfriend of a famous celebrity commissioned her to do a piece on her boyfriend, but she can't reveal the name.

Public interest in her work has grown so large, her originals are going for upwards of $2,000 and she has an upcoming art show in Chicago to feature all her work. 14 is currently painting a huge canvas of George Clooney eating a hotdog, and she wants him to buy it.