Tracy Morgan Who Doesn't Have a DUI?!
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According to Tracy Morgan, DUIs are like buttholes -- everybody's got one, and they all stink.
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Stifler Exposes Paul Rudd's Mangina
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Seann William Scott made one thing abundantly clear this morning in London -- if anyone sees his "Role Models" co-star Paul Rudd around, ask him to flash his "big, fat, man vagina."
If we get a shot, we'll be sure to let you know.
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Funnyman Franken Just About a Senator
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If you thought your vote doesn't count, take note: The Minnesota Senator's race is now being counted in the single digits, and it looks like Al Franken might pull it out.
As the Huffington Post points out, Sen. Norm Coleman's lead has now dwindled to two -- yes, two -- votes, and after a count of disputed ballots, Franken could have a lead of as much as 89 votes. Of course, the legal battle probably will go on and on and on.
An Al win would give the Dems 59 seats in the Senate.
Dave Chappelle From Hong Kong, No Bong
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For a guy who became a living god in stoner culture, it was a little strange to see Dave Chappelle weed out any questions about Mary Jane yesterday at LAX.
He was real chummy with one paparazzo outside the terminal -- and our photog was real jealous it wasn't him.
'Family Guy' Creator In Bar Rejection Quagmire
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How the hell does the guy who created "Family Guy" not get right into a bar in Hollywood?!
Seth MacFarlane was initially turned away from Crown Bar last night by that same 93-pound door guy who turned away Chuck Liddell and Barack Obama's lookalike -- but then, the glorified clip-board holder heard Seth do one of the voices from his show...
After droppin' a "Giggidy, giggidy" while entertaining the paparazzi, Seth finally got approval to get past the velvet rope -- but when the doormen gave him the O.K., Seth actually told them to wait ... the way it should be.
Chris Kattan Has Hairy Palms
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If God really kills a kitten every time someone masturbates, then Chris Kattan probably is responsible for the entire west wing of his local pet cemetery.
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It's Like Looking in a Mirror ...
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Tina, meet Sarah. Sarah, this is Tina.
Here's what we know about Sarah Palin's scheduled appearance on "Saturday Night Live" tomorrow night. The wannabe VP will appear aside her doppelgänger, Tina Fey, in a sketch -- but so far, it hasn't been written yet.
Although people are speculating host Josh Brolin would appear with Palin as George W. Bush, as of now....no W-themed sketch planned.
Are we excited to see Sarah and Tina together? You ... oh, nevermind.
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Get a Load of This! 'Who's Nailin' Paylin?' Script
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TMZ got its mitts on the entire script for Hustler's upcoming porn parody: "Who's Nailin' Paylin?"
Uber-MILF Lisa Ann will be steaming it up with a certain snowmobile salesman and a bipartisan pundit named "Hilly" who's, well, just plain bi.
The film shoots this weekend, just in time for the election. Does it promise to deliver the goods? You betcha!
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Please Stop It, Tina Fey
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If Tina Fey's goal with her "SNL" impression is to make Gov. Sarah Palin seem so incompetent that everything she does in real life comes off genius by comparison, then she has succeeded in spades. Again.
Tina nailed it again last night and even the staunchest Dem can see a silver lining if McCain/Palin wins in November -- four more years ... of Tina Fey.
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Queen Latifah Set to Grill Sarah Palin
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Well-placed sources tell TMZ Queen Latifah is getting in the middle of the Sarah Palin/Joe Biden VP debate by portraying last night's moderator, PBS journalist Gwen Ifill, on "SNL" this week.
For the third time this season, we're told Tina Fey will be back, hysterically not answering questions as Palin. You betcha! No word yet on who has been tapped to play Biden.
Thanks to Latifah -- and since "SNL" has no female African-American cast member -- the world is saved from seeing Amy Poehler in black face.
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Tina Fey to Sarah Palin: I Can't Quit You
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As we first reported, Tina Fey couldn't help but to reprise her role as Seh-rah Pay-lin on "Saturday Night Live" last night.
This is the definition of a comedic "softball pitch" -- it almost seems too easy for Fey.
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Live From New York ... It's Tina Fey!
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She's baaaaaack!
Sources tell TMZ Emmy darling Tina Fey will reprise her role as Sarah Palin on tomorrow night's episode of "Saturday Night Live." Anna Faris is the host, Duffy (who?) is the musical guest.
We're also told Chris Parnell ('memba him?!) will play the roll of Jim Lehrer, who is moderating tonight's McCain/Obama debate.
Three's Company Sake, Vodka, Gin
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Suzanne Somers was flying high outside of Nobu this weekend -- and though the 61-year-old Thigh Master maven is no oinker, you couldn't tell by her laugh.
No Joke -- Bernie Mac Hospitalized for Pneumonia
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There's nothing funny about this -- Bernie Mac has been placed in a Chicago hospital with a case of Pneumonia. The comedian is said to be responding well to treatment and should be released from the hospital in the next few days.
Mac suffers from sarcoidosis, a chronic disease that inflames organs -- so far it appears the Pneumonia is not related to that illness.
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Celebrity Puppets Sesame Street Edition
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We can't tell you how to get to Sesame Street, but we can tell you which celebs look freakishly like Sesame's felt-skinned residents. Today's episode is brought to you by the letters T, M and Z.
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Justin Long
James Earl Jones
Pharrell Williams
Jimmy Kimmel
Dustin Diamond
Billy Zane
Andy Garcia
Don Imus
Adam Carolla
Zach Braff
Brody Jenner
Nick Nolte
Jeff Foxworthy
Haylie Duff
Ben Affleck
Martin Scorsese
Dave Chappelle
Adam Sandler
Lindsay Lohan
Alan Jackson
Sesame Street
Humor
TV
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Send in the Clowns ... Bozo is Dead
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Larry Harmon, the man credited with making Bozo the Clown the icon he was, died Thursday of congestive heart failure. He was 83.
Harmon wasn't the original Bozo, but built up the character and eventually licensed it to television stations across the country.