Bristol Palin hysterically told cops during the epic drunken Palin family brawl in Alaska last month ... that some guy knocked her down and called her a f**king c**t.
Bristol's conversation with cops outside the party near Anchorage was recorded by the officer and TMZ obtained a copy. During the convo ... Bristol explains the fight was triggered by an "old lady" who shoved her younger sister, Willow.
Listen carefully ... you can hear Sarah Palin in the background telling Bristol not to cuss during her statement.
As we reported ... police broke up the massive melee, but no one involved wanted to press charges.
Accused of Mob Hit ...
Yous Guys Stole My Identity
10/21/2014 3:00 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
"The Simpsons" pulled off a major heist when the mafioso character Louie rolled into Springfield -- and now a "Goodfellas" star wants a cut of the action.
Frank Sivero played Frankie Carbone in the classic 1990 film ... and says "The Simpsons" created a Carbone copy of that character when Louie first appeared in an episode entitled "Bart the Murderer" on Oct. 10, 1991.
Louie, who is Fat Tony's henchman on "The Simpsons" ... is hardly a regular. According to Sivero's lawsuit against FOX, the character appeared in 15 more episodes between his debut and April 27, 2014.
In the suit, obtained by TMZ, Sivero says he lived in the same apartment complex as some of the 'Simpsons' writers back in '89 ... and they knew all about the character he "created and developed" for 'Goodfellas.'
To the naked eye ... Louie does look like a dead ringer for Frankie.
Sivero is suing for $100 million ... or a whopping $6,250,000 per episode. We've reached out to FOX for comment, but no word back yet.
Swore Under Oath
Dr. Luke Did NOT Sexually Assault Her
10/21/2014 1:28 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
Kesha admitted Dr. Luke did NOT drug her, did NOT sexually assault her, did NOT have sexual relations with her ... and she swore all of it under oath, which contradicts her lawsuit.
Kesha has accused Dr. Luke of a variety of misdeeds in her lawsuit, including rape, physical and emotional assault. Dr. Luke filed his own suit saying her claims are BS and it's all about Kesha wanting to get out of their management contract.
Now TMZ has obtained a deposition in 2011 in which Kesha and Luke were both being sued by her former manager. Kesha says flat out ... she and Luke never had sexual relations:
The deposition had been sealed ... and this morning Dr. Luke's lawyer went to court asking the judge in his case to unseal the depo and allow it to be used in the current case. We're told Kesha's lawyer argued it was NOT fair game but the judge disagreed and unsealed it.
Kesha's lawyer, Mark Geragos, tells TMZ, using the depo is "a pathetic attempt to once again blame the victim." Geragos says Kesha lied because "Luke walked Kesha down the beach and threatened to destroy Kesha's life and the lives of her family if she didn't cover up his sexual assaults."
Cut From Cowboys Practice Squad
10/21/2014 12:52 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
Michael Sam's dream of being the first openly gay player to start a regular season NFL game took a major hit today ... with the rookie DE being cut from the Dallas Cowboys practice squad.
Sam, who was signed to the Cowboys after failing to make the St. Louis Rams 53 man roster, was released earlier today after Dallas signed linebacker Troy Davis.
Moments ago, Sam spoke out about the move releasing a statement via his Twitter account.
"I want to think the Jones family and the entire Cowboys organization for their opportunity, as well as my friends, family, teammates, and fans for their support. While this is disappointing, I will take the lessons I learned here in Dallas and continue to fight for an opportunity to prove that I can play every Sunday."
'Django' Actress & BF
Charged With Lewd Conduct
For Car Sex
10/21/2014 11:55 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
"Django Unchained" actress Daniele Watts may be convincing in the movies, but not in real life because she's just been charged with lewd conduct for allegedly having sex in her car outside CBS Studios.
Watts went on a campaign against the LAPD ... accusing cops of racism for cuffing her after people complained they were banging in the Mercedes in Studio City. Watts, who claims she and her BF were just making out, walked away from cops in a fury, so they cuffed her and brought her back.
Prosecutors listened to the LAPD audio -- obtained by TMZ -- and realized what was up. Armed with various witnesses and photos of Watts straddling her BF with her breasts exposed, she and the BF were each charged with lewd conduct in public.
The crime is punishable by a maximum of 6 months in L.A. County Jail.
Spanish Fans Can't Get Enough
... Of His Stunt Double
10/21/2014 12:25 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
Either Peter Dinklage has the most loyal fans in the world ... or the dumbest -- which is a label they might be stuck with after screaming in joy for a look-a-like.
You'd like to give the overeager fans outside the cast's hotel in Osuna, Spain the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they're simply cheering anyone who has anything to do with "Game of Thrones."
However, it seems clear they can't tell the guy is a fake.
To us, Peter's stunt double looks more like the love child of Dinklage and Dave Grohl ... but judge for yourself.
And to the good people of Spain -- they don't all look alike.
Blowout With Fiancee
We're Exhausted From Breastfeeding!
10/21/2014 11:10 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
David Arquette thinks he knows what it's like to breastfeed a baby ... and says it explains the nuclear meltdown with his fiancee in the middle of a West Hollywood street.
An angry Arquette was seen stomping away from celeb hotspot Craig's Friday night on foot ... with fiancee Christina McLarty in hot pursuit ... sobbing and begging him to come back.
On the video, Arquette can be heard saying, "I'm done. Just like your last guy." Some people took that to mean he was breaking off his 3-month engagement to McLarty, who gave birth to his son, Charlie, last April.
But David tells TMZ ... it was simply an argument between two exhausted new parents. The couple had a baby boy back in April and Arquette says, "We are both hormonal and haven't slept in 6 months. Christina is still breastfeeding, I feel like I am."
He insists they're still engaged and still in love ... and says he takes full responsibility.
TMZ's Sexy Halloween
ENTER TO WIN!
10/21/2014 10:38 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
We know you've been waiting patiently to strip down and show off for Halloween... and whether it's a trick or a treat -- email us a photo of your nearly nude outfit for our Sexy Halloween Costume Contest and you could win BIG!
Send us a skin filled photo of you playing dress up and get yourself in the running to win the $250 prize and some super-spooky gifts from TMZ!
**Click HERE for contest rules and regulations!**
Prosecutor Says No Way You Louse
To Half Way House
10/21/2014 9:47 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
Teresa Giudice wants to go only half way when it comes to serving her prison sentence ... but prosecutors are now saying over their dead bodies.
Giudice is asking the judge for mercy -- to allow her to serve most of her sentence in a half way house. But we just obtained a letter prosecutors sent to the judge ... vehemently objecting ... claiming the judge made it clear she needed prison punishment, and nothing less.
Teresa had sent a letter to the judge -- which we also obtained -- in which she seems to say she has a right under a law called The Second Chance Act to spend 12 out of the 15 months in the half way house.
But prosecutors say the law doesn't give convicts the right to have their punishment watered down, so all her bellyaching should be ignored.
In other news...
Kourtney Kardashian is really feeling wearing her little sister's little clothing while she's heavily pregnant!
Backs That Thang Up On Jamie Foxx
... What Should He Do?
10/21/2014 9:00 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
Mama Knowles jumped on stage during Jamie's performance at the Angel Ball in NYC Monday night -- and decided to back, back, back it on up ... right into Awkwardville.
And that's when Jamie starts sweating. His options:
- Totally go for it and give Beyonce's mom the ride dance of her life
- Politely back away because that's Jay Z's mother-in-law.
And, of course, he doesn't wanna hurt Tina's feelings either, so ... watch to see how Jamie handled it.
As for Tina -- just blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.
Cooking Up Another Batch of Reality Ratings Gold
10/20/2014 9:45 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
10/21/2014 6:26 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
Kris Jenner is way more bush league than we thought ... if you want to make yourself look younger by photoshopping, don't do it AFTER someone else posts the pic of you looking older than you want.
Kris is hawking her new cookbook and Gordon Ramsey gave it his stamp of approval. But check out Gordon's Instagram and then compare it to Kris's. Clearly she doesn't believe cookbooks get better with age.
There's a Latin legal phrase: res ipsa loquitur ... Translation: the thing speaks for itself.
Molestation Victim Will NOT Sue
10/21/2014 1:00 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
Stephen Collins is a lucky man ... after confessing to child molestation, we've learned not only will he NOT be prosecuted ... the main victim tells TMZ she will NOT sue him civilly.
Collins confessed in the audiotape ... he repeatedly sexually abused this victim, once placing her hand on his semi-erect penis. The incident occurred in the '70s, but she did not come forward until 2012 ... which is when the NYPD launched its investigation.
The woman -- now in her 50s -- says she will NOT sue Collins because she's not after his money. She says her purpose in coming forward was to encourage other victims to step up -- possibly victims who were molested more recently, so Collins could be prosecuted.
In addition to cooperating with the NYPD, the woman says she called the LAPD to warn them Collins was a sexual predator.
As we first reported ... law enforcement sources at the 3 agencies that are investigating Collins say they cannot have him prosecuted because the cases are too old.
Short story ... he confessed to 3 cases of sexual abuse ... and now he's home free.