Joaquin Phoenix This Is No Joke ... Joker Gets His Car Stolen!!!

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Joaquin Phoenix sure wasn't laughing Monday after his car was stolen from his L.A.-area home ... but "The Joker" star could have the last chuckle 'cause we're told police are now working the case.

Law enforcement sources tell us ... the famous actor was not at his house Monday afternoon when his 2022 Volvo SUV -- parked just outside -- was stolen.

Brandi Glanville Alexis Texas And I Have Mutual Friends in Porn ... Buns Out Hang Just Made Sense!!!

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Brandi Glanville's a 'Real Housewives' star with real friends in the porn industry ... which is how she linked up with Alexis Texas for their steamy photo shoot.

The reality star and actress tells TMZ ... Alexis was in town for business and asked Brandi to hop on her podcast "Private Talk with Alexis Texas."

The two hit it off ... and, they even realized they know the same people in the adult film world. Brandi's pretty non-judgmental about that kinda thing -- the parents of her son's best friend are actually in the industry too.

John 'LJ' Scott Jr. Dragged Across Police Station Floor, on Video ... Before Hospitalization, Death

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DRAGGED ACROSS THE FLOOR

John "LJ" Scott Jr.'s death is sparking outrage ... with new video of his arrest appearing to show police dragging him across the ground in a police station.

If you don't know ... Scott died on April 22, about a week after he was taken into custody by Decatur Police in Alabama on April 15 -- with cops saying he suffered a medical emergency and passed away in the hospital.

Police reportedly arrived at an apartment complex on April 15, where they say they found Scott "sweating heavily and exhibiting erratic behavior."

Lizzo My Beach Bod Is Ready for Summer ... Check Out Swimsuit Options!!!

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GET RIGHT FOR SUMMER
Instagram / @lizzobeeating

Lizzo's going sun's out, buns out at the beach this summer ... showing off her swimwear picks in a new IG video -- and, it's certainly going to be a cheeky few months.

The singer-songwriter shared a video hyping up her Yitty swimwear brand ... kicking it off by leaving little to the imagination in a hot pink bikini.

Lizzo says the bikini is her new uniform ... talking up her tight top and bottoms that aren't too much like a thong -- but, still show off enough backside to tantalize anyone else soaking up the sun.

Nick Cannon Baby Mama Drags His $10M Balls!!!

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One of Nick Cannon’s baby mamas is actually grateful he insured his balls for $10 million --  only 'cause if he’s not gonna show up, at least his junk might finally do something useful!

Alyssa Scott’s throwing shade with a smile on her IG Stories after revealing Nick hasn’t seen their daughter in over a month ... so if anything happens to his balls now, at least their child would get a payout.

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PROTECTING THE ASSETS
Tea Time with Raven & Miranda

Alyssa’s tone was dripping with sarcasm, and it def sounds like things have gotten strained between them -- but honestly, it’s not that surprising, especially with Nick juggling so many kids to catch up with.

Sebastian Stan I'm 'A Different Man' without My Hair ... But, I Cut it For A Role!!!

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ROCKIN' A NEW 'DO
TMZ.com

Sebastian Stan fans can rest easy ... the star isn't having a Britney Spears-level meltdown -- 'cause he only shaved his head for a role.

We caught up with the actor in West Los Angeles Wednesday ... and, we had to ask him about his new bald head since ladies loved his luscious locks.

Stan tells us he shaved it all off for a new role, though he didn't go into detail on what that role might be. However, he's clear -- this isn't a midlife crisis ... at least, not yet, he jokes.

Kanye West Plans to Sue Former Dentist ... Nitrous Oxide Messed Me Up!!!

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Kanye West is gearing up to sue his former dentist ... claiming he suffered injuries and financial damages due to alleged reckless administration of nitrous oxide.

The rapper's legal team -- headed by Andrew Cherkasky -- sent a notice of intention to sue to Dr. Thomas P. Connelly, who they say became Ye's dentist in early 2024.

Ye's team claims that while he was under Connelly's care, the dentist "engaged in numerous inappropriate and dangerous practices that were far outside the bounds of any legitimate medical purpose or standard of care."

LeBron James Wining Over Playoff Loss ... All Smiles In L.A. After Elimination

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OFFSEASON ACTIVITIES
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LeBron James is proof "win or lose, we still booze" holds true ... 'cause the Lakers superstar had a wine night with his buddies after Los Angeles was booted from the postseason on Wednesday.

King James was spotted leaving Wally's Beverly Hills early Thursday morning ... with sources saying he was at the establishment until roughly 4 AM.

The four-time champ looked pretty cheerful despite what happened hours prior ... sporting a Louis Vuitton outfit and a big grin as he headed toward his vehicle with a giant water bottle and lower back cushion in hand.

Ava Max's Hot Shots ... Happy Thirsty Thursday!

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We're taking this Thursday to the (Ava) Max level ... because this singing sensation just dropped some hot pics!

Ava Max has blessed the timelines for us "Kings & Queens" by posing in a strappy black bra top.

The "Sweet But Psycho" singer did not hesitate to share a blue bikini shot on the balcony while visiting the beautiful land of Italy!

Kyle Richards Mauricio, Come Ssssave Me!!! 🐍

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COME GET IT!!!
TikTok / @sophiakylieee

Kyle Richards and her crew were hiss-terically losing their minds, shrieking and causing a full-on spectacle over a snake that slithered its way into their place!

You should see the chaos-ssss unfold on TikTok, courtesy of Kyle’s daughter Sophia --  Kyle was so rattled, she went rushing to call her ex Mauricio Umansky to come save them from the snake.

It was pure comedy mayhem -- Kyle, daughter Farrah, and the rest of the crew were running wild through the house in the Palm Springs, California area, trying to boot the serpent, even panicking over whether it had laid eggs inside.

Guess Who Naked Hottie Edition!!!

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To beat you to the punch -- you’re welcome. Now that’s outta the way ... yes, we know, this man is basically sculpted by the gods.

In fact, he’s so damn gym-honed, he’s ditched all his clothes just so you can have yourself a proper look -- so go on, see if you can guess who in the world this man is?

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MOUTH FULL OF BUGS!?!

We’ve also got a video up top of him in action while snapping those pics -- and yep, he accidentally swallows a bug mid-shoot ... but hey, just a little extra protein for this certified slab of man meat!

Kesha He's Not My BF ... I'm Just Using This Man For Sex!!!

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MORE THAN FRIENDS
TMZ.com

Kesha’s not calling it a relationship just yet -- telling us the guy she’s been cozying up to for about a year to is more of a "for fun" situation … and, she means the X-rated kind!

TMZ caught up with Kesha at LAX strolling alongside health-tech entrepreneur Michael Gilvary -- and while she looked a little red-faced at first, she didn’t hold back for long … telling us flat-out they’re not dating, she's just using him for some good ol’ fashioned sex.

You gotta see the whole exchange -- Kesha's spilling the tea, while Michael plays the silent, slightly awkward, shy sidekick.

Victoria Silvstedt Dangerous Curves Ahead!!!

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Victoria Silvstedt is still doing the supermodel thing after half a century on Earth ... and she's still got it.

The Swedish model and actress showed off her curves while modeling bikinis on the beach in Miami ... and she's proving age is just a number.

Victoria is showing why she was a Playboy Bunny in her heyday ... she's tall, slender, tan, blonde and racked ... basically everything Hugh Hefner loved.

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BEACH BOMBSHELL
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Virginia Giuffre's Father My Daughter Didn't Kill Herself ... 'Somebody Got to Her'

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THIS WAS NOT SUICIDE
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Virginia Giuffre's father isn't buying the official narrative about his daughter's death ... claiming there's no way she killed herself -- and, instead, he says someone got to her.

Sky Roberts spoke with Piers Morgan Thursday ... and, he says it's been an emotional time for the family -- with lots of tears and disbelief at Virginia's death.

He then added, "And then for them to say that she committed suicide, there's no way that she did. Somebody got to her.”

John Elway's Agent, Friend Jeff Sperbeck Dead At 62

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Jeff Sperbeck, John Elway's longtime agent and friend, has died at 62 years old, officials announced on Wednesday.

Sperbeck's time of death was listed as 1:10 AM.

As we previously reported, Jeff was on life support following Saturday's accident ... where he suffered a traumatic brain injury after falling off a golf cart that Elway was driving.

We're told Elway, Sperbeck, their wives, and John's son were on their way back from a post-Stagecoach party around 7 PM on April 26 ... when Jeff fell off the back of the cart, hitting his head on the ground, and suffering a traumatic brain injury.

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THE TRAGIC ACCIDENT
TMZ.com

Pennsylvania Traffic Woman Poops on Car Hood in Road Rage Incident

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UPDATE

2:25 PM PT -- Prospect Park Police tell TMZ the poo-petrating suspect has been identified as 44-year-old Christina Solometo ... and she's now facing charges of indecent exposure, disorderly conduct creating a hazardous or physically offensive condition, criminal mischief - property damage, harassment, and depositing waste on the highway.

The Prospect Park police chief told us they've spoken to Solometo on the phone and in person, and she's fully cooperated ... she hasn't been taken into custody yet, but she'll be turning herself in to be booked in the near future.

Talk about a holy s*** moment! Sneak a peek at this video ... which shows a woman literally taking a dump on the hood of a car in Pennsylvania.

Here's the poop ... oops, we mean scoop! PA police are investigating a road rage incident that quickly turned crappy when the woman jumped out of her vehicle and sprayed the other car with her fecal matter. What's worse, it was all caught on video!

The disturbing clip shows the aggressor -- dubbed on social media as the "Delco Pooper" -- walking from her black car over to a silver sedan, squatting, and proudly defecating on the hood of the car.

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She seems to be giddy as she walks away, leaving behind a splatter of what looks more like diarrhea. Nothing like a good road rage incident to anger the bowels.