Dubya: Fashion Fascist!

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With 543 days left in office, George W. Bush has beefed up security at the White House so much, he's now enlisted the services of one of the most dreaded forces in the Western world -- the Fashion Police!

Despite approval ratings at record lows, the ongoing war in Iraq and a health care system in dire straits, Dubya has decided to take on the very serious issue of -- tour group attire! The terror alert has been raised to: Fanny Pack! Signs have reportedly been put up around White House entrances to remind visitors of the dress code: no jeans, sneakers, shorts, mini-skirts, t-shirts, tank tops, and most importantly, NO FLIP FLOPS! Paging the Northwestern women's lacrosse team!

With the new policy, the White House now has a more stringent dress code than the Vatican! Further proof that Bushie wants only conservatives in his White House. The Pontiff merely asks for covered shoulders, no shorts or skirts above the knee. Holy chic!

Sunday in the Park with Yoko

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Grace Slick wasn't the only rock fossil to emerge from her cocoon this weekend! Rock of ages!

74-year-old celebuwidow Yoko Ono turned up at a gala event in the Hamptons on Sunday -- dressed like the Mad Hatter's lunatic bride. I don't!

When it comes to insanely inappropriate ensembles -- septuagenarians do it better! Yoko loco!

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Nick Nolte: Fisherman's Friend?

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Fresh from his curious airport "nap" in Hawaii, a raggedy Nick Nolte was snapped outside a restaurant in Malibu this weekend, looking like a messed up lab tech on the USS Casablanca.

Reports have attributed his derelict behavior to "role research." Is he doing Lohan's biopic?

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Katie Holmes Continues to Scientolo-age

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TMZ isn't the only one to notice that 28-year-old robomom Katie Holmes is already going through the change! She needs diuretics, not Dianetics!

Last month, TMZ pointed out how the third Mrs. Cruise appeared to be morphing from a young Hollywood starlet into a middle-aged yenta. These hot flashes are killin' me! Now even Us Weekly is picking up on the Bride of Xenu's marm-alicious metamorphosis by comparing Katie's menopausal mode to 50-year-old Princess Caroline of Monaco! She's gone from Dawson's Creek to Golden Pond!

Nothing ages a gal like being married ... against her will!

Lohan ODs ... on Denim

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Despite 45 days in come-and-go rehab, newly-legal Lindsay Lohan has taken up a new addiction -- all denim ensembles!

Linds was snapped feeding a meter in Beverly Hills on Monday, dressed in a denim Ice Capades babydoll over a pair of slightly flared dungarees. A girl can't hide a SCRAM bracelet under skinny jeans!

This head-to-toe denim disaster is one instance where LiLo's mommie dearest Dina can't be blamed for the bad jeans!

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Ashley: Red Menace

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Tiny twin Ashley Olsen was spotted outside her Los Angeles office in this surprisingly respectable ensemble -- despite the candy-colored eyewear that looks like a cereal box prize.

It's amazing that the petite millionairess can balance that gigantic purse while wearing those 5" heel peep-toe slingback pumps! That's talent!

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Celeb Fashion Animal Instincts!

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Meeeeeeeeeeow! The stars have got their animal instincts -- which sometimes lead them astray! Welcome to the jungle!

Check out all the stray kitties and other critters in our Animal Instincts gallery!

Need more, dawgs? Grab a vine and swing on in to our "Frightening Fangs" and "Chowing Down" galleries.

Getting Into Paris' Pants Is About to Get a Lot Easier

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Paris Hilton wants to give you the jeans off her backside -- and you don't even have to buy her a drink first!

Sources tell TMZ that the former jailbird flew to San Francisco on Wednesday for a top secret meeting with Macy's executives to discuss her new denim line. Let's hope they're not crotchless! We're told the reaction from Macy's was amazing, so expect to see Paris jeans at a mall near you -- in sizes Small, Emaciated and Nicole.

Paris used a post-prison photo-op to debut her namesake jeans outside the Lynwood jail last month.

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C n' P Go JCP

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Celebrities gathered at the Deco landmark Sunset Tower Hotel last night for Chip & Pepper's C7P JC Penney launch party. Young and free! The new C7P offers sportswear basics for a lot less dough.

C n' P Go JCP

Lovebird lookalikes Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy happily hung out with designers/identical twins Chip and Pepper Foster.

"The OC" cutie Rachel Bilson was hush-hush when it comes to Hayden Christiansen -- with whom she has been romantically linked.

A shaggy Jared Leto and an overly made-up Shanna Moakler also enjoyed the festivities.

Cain and Co. Rockin' Crocs -- Blech!

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Dean Cain and his son Christopher, 7, took a stroll in Malibu yesterday, proving that Crocs are hideous at any age.

Hot Dad Dean wore a pair of hot orange Crocs -- making him look like a pool man at the Playboy mansion. His son shows that the grayish color is not effective in reducing the ugliness of this unfortunate footwear. CPS was not notified.

Coincidentally, mom is former Playmate Samantha Torres.

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Lil' Kim's Not-So Lil' Nip Slip

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Evidently, Teddy's was handing out nip slips with their drink tickets last night! Please have your, er, IDs out!

Following Bai Ling's peep show, Lil' Kim, who turns 33 today, got into the boob-baring biz by exposing her right titty outside the trendy Hollywood lounge. Happy breast day! The wardrobe malfunction occurred as the ghetto fab ex-con maneuvered her way into a ride driven by R&B gigolo, Ray-J. Baby got front!

Somebody get these ladies some bras!

Jennifer, Please Say It's All a Bad Dream, Girl!

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At a fashion event in Rome this weekend, Jennifer Hudson debuted her new short weave and her really big and tall new accessory -- André Leon Talley from Vogue! Strike a pose!

Despite the fact that Talley was the man behind Jennifer's NASA-inspired Oscar outfit debacle, the standout pair arrived to Valentino's 45th Anniversary Celebration gala together. Forgive and, er, forget! While Hudson chose a glamorous orange gown, ALT opted for an unfortunate caftan, which appears to have been styled from a duvet cover at a Beijing brothel. And I am telling you -- fashion karma is a bitch!

Jennifer knows that nothing is more slimming than standing next to a plus-sized 6'7" dude in a muumuu!

The Supermodels Walk Again

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It was a '90s flashback as supermodels Linda Evangelista, Naomi Campbell, Gisele Bundchen, Amber Valletta and Helena Christensen (not pictured) pranced down the runway at John Galliano's Christian Dior Fall 2007 fashion show in Paris earlier this week. J'adore Dior!

The eccentric designer, decked out in over-the-top bedazzled bullfighter chic, debuted the fashion house's exclusive made-to-order/unwearable Dior Haute Couture Collection Fall 2007 while simultaneously reuniting some of the biggest faces in the supermodel stratosphere of the last 20 years! Paging Cindy and Christy!

Haute couture gowns can cost upwards of $500,000. Now you know why superdupermodels like Linda don't get out of bed for less than $10,000! You betta work!

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Sarah Michelle Gellar Wears Live Fur

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Sarah Michelle Gellar looked like she was ready to slay Mohammed Al-Fayed after the billionaire placed a dog on her head! That's right. A live dog! What a bitch!

Gellar was in London to help launch Harrods summer sale on Monday, when Al-Fayed, who owns the world renown store, knighted her with the four-legged accoutrement. Fur-galicious!

Al-Fayed's son, Dodi, was dating Princess Diana when their car crashed in Paris in 1997, killing them both. Fayed has pursued numerous inquests into the circumstances surrounding the deaths. A star-studded charity concert honored the late Princess at Wembley Stadium on Sunday.

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Tracy Morgan: Probation Chic

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Tracy Morgan slipped into this vintage flapper dress, Paris Hilton-sized pumps and the celeb accessory of the moment, a SCRAM alcohol monitoring device. Thirty-Rockin'!

Seen here in Beverly Hills with wife of twenty-two years (yeah, we didn't know that either!), Sabina, the fabulous funnyman was snapped while leaving a photo shoot for an upcoming issue of GQ. You go, girl!

Paris Takes Cuthbert's Sloppy Seconds

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It appears Paris Hilton took style tips from good friend Elisha Cuthbert for her post-pokey prance. Somebody call the fashion police!

The heiress turned ex-con emerged from the Lynwood Hilton on Tuesday wearing a short-sleeved Petro Zillia jacket -- similar to the one Elisha wore (pictured here) when they went shopping together back in March. Oh the gall!

It appears young Hollywood gals share more than just boyfriends!

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