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All evidence points to Michael Jordan NOT being the daddy in the paternity suit filed by a Georgia woman. What evidence you ask?

Well, there's the baby's DNA, and the baby mama's photos. That should do it.

Newark mayor Cory Booker is in the middle of a huge NON-scandal -- guilty of being a single man who sent a friendly tweet to hot stripper Lynsie Lee.

More importantly, Lynsie works at a VEGAN strip club! Health matters, people.

Miss Butt Brazil runner-up Andressa Urach accidentally lost her bikini top in the ocean -- and by accidentally we mean ... totally on purpose so we'd have a reason to talk about her.

Seems like a win/win for everyone!

Jessica Simpson has 2 glorious rewards for giving birth almost 3 months ago -- and if you think we're talking about her kids ... you're definitely NOT looking at the image above.

You also don't know us very well.

Woody Allen and Soon-Yi cruised NYC with their pal Jeffrey Epstein ... who just happens to be a millionaire, and a philanthropist, and -- oh yeah, a convicted child sex offender.

Did we bury the lead there? Either way ... Woody don't care.

Blake Griffin couldn't have knocked up Matt Leinart's baby mama at a better time -- because now that Matty's looking for a new NFL gig ... well, let's say someone's gotta pick up the financial slack.

Welcome to the club, BG!

Kevin Federline says he doesn't want his kids on stage with Britney Spears in Las Vegas -- but we're thinking there's gotta be some way to work this out ... some financial way, perhaps?

Come on ... that's a HUGE allowance K-Fed gets.

Jon Gosselin whipped out his handgun and fired a warning shot when a photog wandered onto his property, and it totally worked ... cause the pap bolted!

So, just in case you needed a reason -- besides the obvious -- don't go to Jon Gosselin's house.

Britney Spears' stock portfolio reads like a little kid's wishlist -- fast food, tractors, and Coca-Cola ... but one stock she didn't buy ... sticks out like a sore thumb.

A sore thumb connected to a hand that's holding a Pepsi can.

Ex-Nintendo president Hiroshi Yamauchi passed away this week -- but he'll live on forever in the amazing games he left behind.

It's like a slice of your childhood ... that you can't get back because the graphics are outdated and cheesy.

Mark Zuckerberg's ginormous wealth can be traced back to 2 facts: 1) He spends next to nothing on clothes ... and 2) He has major rich guy swag in his stride.

Yeah. Facebook might have a little to do with it too -- but don't undersell dude's wardrobe and walk.

LeBron James was the biggest tourist attraction in Rome -- which figures, since he's an internationally known NBA superstar, right? Or maybe it's because he's a giant Black guy.

No one would actually think that! Okay ... ONE person thinks that.

Rick Ross just scooped up the hottest new accessory for Black celebs -- a white pop star sidekick ... and his goes by the name of Ed Sheeran! If that sounds wrong? It is.

But Jay Z, Lil Wayne, and Floyd Mayweather Jr. probably don't think so.

'Real Housewives' creator Andy Cohen wants to make it absolutely clear -- he is NOT engaged to ex-hockey star Sean Avery, and he's just a really good friend.

A really good friend ... with whom he takes lots of shirtless pics, and would love to bang.

Snoop Lion has made it clear -- he's no longer accepting cash money payments ... and instead all debts can be paid in a different kind of green. Giant, fat, stinky buds of green.

We mean marijuana ... just in case that wasn't clear.

Everything about Britney Spears' pre-dawn dog and pony show to announce her Las Vegas shows was absolutely perfect!

If you consider air sickness from a hellish helicopter ride ... perfect. And who doesn't?