You Might Want to Rethink

The nominees for Father of the Year are in -- and Michael Lohan's name is not on the list.

Battling with his ex-wife, Dina, over visitation rights, Papa Lohan issued a press release this week in which he spelled Lindsay's name wrong. You'd think he'd have screwed up the name of one of their non-famous kids.

"I look forward to order being restored to the chaos that our family life has become," the release reads, according to FishbowlNY. "Lyndsay, Michael, Ali and Cody need stability and both of their parents in their lives. I am anxious to spend time with them and end this cruel, needless separation."

TMZ spotted the director sucking the nail polish off some random woman's foot at Empress sushi joint on the Sunset Strip recently. After the "meal" and a few drinks, Q posed for pictures and hopefully downed some Scope.

In an interview with The Mirror, Justin exposed his strategy for getting the women: "I defy a girl not to fall in love with me if I'm on a surfboard or snowboarding. It's my secret weapon if a girl resists me." His little secret seems to have worked pretty well for eight-time Foster's ASP World Champion Kelly Slater, who's pretty close with Justin's ex, Cameron Diaz.

Seeing as how Slater is the most dominant surfer ever in professional surfing, Timberlake should probably stick to snowboarding. Split kook!

Nobody listens to Turtle...

Britney was spotted in Beverly Hills yesterday in this hippie summer bride ensemble, with her tortured yellow extensions accented by that craptabulous gold purse she refuses to give up. Enough already. Mama needs a brand new bag!

Just a short time later, the fickle Bride of Federline donned yet another white dress suitable for a Las Vegas wedding chapel. Slap on a fedora and she's ready to elope! Whatever she had in the cup musta been mighty tasty, because she wasn't letting that go either.

Will you take this woman, y'all?

Ellen Barkin showed up for the latest "Ocean's 13" premiere in a dress that looks like it fell off the wardrobe truck of "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion."

While there's no denying that her bod looks damn good for a 53-year-old, and the dress' bright-pink sequins are probably a nod to the Las Vegas locale, but Barkin shouldn't take fashion cues from two girls who pretended to invent Post-Its!

Joey Lawrence turned up at an event in New York on Wednesday, coiffed within an inch of his muscly, manscaped life! Gimme a break!

With his spraytanned skin, uber-waxed brows, Posh-age shades, Madonna-inspired rosary, cleavage-baring top in size XSmedium -- ever-so nonchalantly semi-tucked into his white-belted premium denim -- Joey looks like a bald wannabe Gotti brother in a "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" science project!

Whoa, is right!

The Boom Boom Room, a popular Laguna Beach, Calif. gay bar for over 60 years, was sold to a Beverly Hills billionaire two years ago for over $12 million. That's a lot of cosmos! In 2005, Pitt & Clooney were incorrectly labeled as co-investors in the bar, whose rightful owners were planning on turning into yet another upscale (and undoubtedly hetero) oceanfront hotel. The Heche Hilton! With those plans now scrapped, the bar (which is scheduled to stay open until Labor Day) is back on the market and a grassroots organization is appealing to the Hollywood hunks to help Save the Boom!

To make sure they get the message, TMZ has exclusively obtained the ad Save the Boom is running in Monday's Variety, which hopes to persuade Brad and George to "buy our 60-year-old landmark before it is converted into a boutique hotel." And homophobes say gays are the ones doing all the converting?!

P.Diddy girl group Danity Kane's resident good time girl, Aubrey O'Day, partied at the Life Ball in Vienna on Friday -- looking like the bastard love child of Kelly Ripa and an Oompa-Loompa!

While basking in the natural sun may be hazardous to your health, so is slathering on globs of drag queen eye makeup and sunless tanning cream in a natural shade of ... orange!

A sweltering Stevie Nicks still managed to perform -- despite nearly being asphyxiated underneath a landslide of crushed velvet, leather and lace! Stand back!!

Stevie kicked off her summer tour in Concord, Calif. on Thursday, dressed like an intergalactic extra from "X-Men" meets a high priestess at an Alaskan seance. You see your gypsy!

If the lavishly cocooned former Fleetwood Mac songstress doesn't want to collapse on tour, she'd better stop wearing everything in her closet at once!

Everyone from Fergie to "Grey's Anatomy" star Kate Walsh has been guilty of sporting some seriously troubling forehead-covering hair-don'ts! Bangs Gone Wild!

Check out which stars are subscribing to the celebrity Big Bang theory!

Alec Baldwin was welcomed with applause to a sitdown in a taped segment that aired on "The View" today, with Baldwin giving a heartfelt and somber tale of parental alienation that drove him to the boiling point.

Baldwin said that his "deep and endless frustration" in being unable to communicate with his daughter, Ireland, led him to misdirect his anger to the child, because he "can't address the other person in this dynamic," but stopped short of mentioning Kim Basinger.

Playing Miss Celie in "The Color Purple" is causing Fantasia Barrino to bare more than just her soul!

The Season Three "American Idol" winner arrived to the musical's after-party on Sunday dressed in a trash-tastic, skin-tight, green, leopard print dress. Maybe she was headed to a "Flavor of Love" casting?

In what is surely the understatement of the year, Variety reports that YouTube will soon be taking advertising, but that "[k]ey to the new venture will be making sure that those who upload video actually own the rights to it."

Um, ya think?

What's so astonishing about YouTube is what an overpriced sack of liability it really is: For starters, Wall Street types say it only makes $15 million a year in revenue - that's more than a teaspoon less than the $1.65 billion price Google paid for it.

But before we go thumbing our noses at Google CEO Eric Schmidt, we have to admire the sheer chutzpah of his venture's latest tactics. Schmidt, speaking at a conference of nerds and internet geeks, said that a new tool, dubbed "Claim Your Content," would soon be available to irritated content companies like Viacom, currently suing YouTube for a cool billion dollars. As if the 'content' on YouTube were simply lost children who'd gotten separated from their parents while shopping at Sears. Puh-lease.

So, why is Google willing to place such a hefty bet on a crack-fiend of a lawsuit magnet like YouTube? Because, while it seems like bad form to demand that companies 'claim their content' after it's been pirated, Schmidt thinks he can get away with it -- and make billions in the process.

He just might be right. Piracy is a losing battle online, no matter how many kiddie porn-sniffing Labradors the MPAA trains. Sure, Lucky and Flo -- the MPAA anti-piracy pooches -- have sniffed out 1.3 million pirated DVDs in Malaysia and the Philippines, but their noses don't work online. Schmidt knows this. Sumner Redstone knows this.

Google is basically saying, "Your stuff will go online - one way or the other. Why not split the profits with us?"