Hook Ups

"Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" star "Crazy" Tony Lindsey is so dang excited by the recent redneck porn boom ... he's ready to make a hillbilly skin flick of his own!

We broke the story ... sales of redneXXX films are surging -- increasing 250% in the last two years -- thanks in part to the redneck reality TV craze and shows like "Honey Boo Boo."

"Crazy" Tony -- HUGE hillbilly porn fan -- tells us ... he's "honored" to have sparked the trend and is gunning to get in on the action -- by bumping uglies with another bumpkin in his very own porno!

His lone concession: he doesn't want any crazy porno names ... claiming "Everybody already knows me as 'Crazy' Tony, so why change it?”

Tracy Morgan dropped some banging wisdom on us -- as in wisdom about banging -- and turns out reading isn't just fundamental ... it can help you hookup! Just read what Tracy reads. Good luck.

**WARNING -- YOU CANNOT UNREAD THIS STORY ... AND IT'S GOING TO MAKE YOU CRINGE **

... ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE A MAN.

... OK, LAST WARNING

... SERIOUSLY, THIS IS MESSED UP.

OK, HERE WE GO ...

MMA fighter Ray Elbe -- who competed on "Ultimate Fighter 9" -- had to be rushed to a hospital in Malaysia earlier this month and required 10 stitches ... after he BROKE HIS PENIS during sex.

Elbe told the whole story -- in painfully graphic detail -- on an MMA website ... explaining how he was having sex with his GF, who was "on top" ... when she bounced a little too high, and crunched Ray's erect penis.

According to Ray, his penis "fractured" ... and "blood was everywhere." Ray says he immediately passed out from the pain.

Ray says he was rushed to a nearby hospital ... and underwent emergency surgery to close the wound and repair a "slight tear" in his urinary tube.

Elbe says the pain was so severe after the surgery, his johnson was "throbbing with each heart beat."

Elbe says he expects to make a full recovery -- and was ordered to take "anti-erection pills" for two weeks.

The fighter says he learned a hard lesson from the experience -- and will never let his GF be "on top" ever again.

Ice-T's gonna be pissed ... 'cause rapper AP.9 is now strongly insinuating that he's banging T's wife Coco.

Of course, T already blasted his wife on Twitter after pics surfaced featuring Coco and AP.9 gettin' all kissy kissy during a night out in Vegas. T said the pics were "disrespectful and in bad taste."

Coco said the pics were harmless ... and stated that she's "happily married."

But this weekend, AP.9 was shamelessly trying to breathe life back into the story ... because when he was asked about the rumors he was still bangin' Coco, the rapper looked into the camera like he LOVED the attention and said, "That's a RUMOR? Is that a rumor?"

He added, "No comment man."

Coco isn't the only hot blonde rapper AP.9 is jonesin' for -- dude got VERY touchy-feely with no less than 5 different chicks in Las Vegas last night.

AP.9 was spotted making the rounds at Hyde ... hugging and scoping on anything that moved -- looks like that's his thing.

Mr. 9 first became a thing when photos of him cozying up to Coco surfaced on the Internet ... prompting Ice-T to lash out on Twitter.

Coco and Ice seemed to have put the whole mess behind them ... where all Coco-related matters belong.

Mariah Carey's greatest hits just took on a whole new meaning -- because according to her husband Nick Cannon, when it's time for sex, the deed is done to her music.

Nick was on Howard Stern this AM when he revealed his lovemaking music of choice to the world ... and of course, Mariah is also on board.

It gets even weirder -- Nick also says he masturbates to Mariah's music ... and you'll never guess his favorite self-loving song.

She may be strapped for cash, but Lindsay Lohan still managed to score a front row seat to The Wanted's show in NYC this weekend.

Continuing her latest gig as the band's biggest groupie, Lindsay was all smiles as she took in lead singer -- and new man friend -- Max George's intoxicating awesomeness from the front row of their latest concert.

After riding the band's tour bus from Philly to Boston this week, Lindsay was also spotted getting touchy-feely with Max at a NYC club on Friday night.

Lindsay Lohan staked her claim to new beau Max George from The Wanted ... throwing her arm around him at a club in New York City last night following their show at Madison Square Garden.

As TMZ first reported, Lindsay has been by Max's side the last few days, even riding with the band on their tour bus. We're told Max has been the aggressor in the "relationship" from the start, but that Lindsay isn't looking for anything serious right now.

Jill Kelley's emails played a key role in the scandal that took down ex-CIA director Gen. David Petraeus -- but the Florida socialite will NOT be spilling her guts about it in a book ... TMZ has learned.

Sources very close to Kelley and her husband tell TMZ ... reports she already has a book deal are 100% false because "Jill hasn't spoken to any publishers. There hasn't even been a discussion with anybody about a book."

We're told Kelley is angry about claims she's writing a book because she's hard up for cash. As our source put it ... "Jill's husband [Dr. Scott Kelley] is a very successful surgeon who is very charitable, but definitely not broke."

Kelley has been under the microscope since Petraeus resigned last month when the FBI uncovered his affair with Paula Broadwell -- who sent emails to Kelley warning her to stay away from Petraeus.

Lindsay Lohan insists ... she didn't make the first move when it came to hooking up with The Wanted singer Max George ... he was the aggressor from the start -- but Lindsay's not complaining one bit.

Lindsay's telling friends, Max pursued her from the beginning -- flirting with her aggressively since that fateful night last week at the club Avenue in NYC, where Lindsay allegedly punched a fortune teller.

Lindsay also says Max is the one who invited her backstage at Jingle Ball in Philly this week ... and he's also the one who invited her to join The Wanted on their tour bus.

But we're told Lindsay's happy to go with the flow -- because she really likes Max and enjoys hooking up with him ... even though she's not looking for a serious relationship.

The reason ... Lindsay believes she has lots of work to do on herself before she ropes someone else into her crazy life.

Lindsay Lohan has risen to super-groupie status -- and must be banging Max George -- because TMZ has learned she hit the road with The Wanted ... on their tour bus!

Sources close to Max tell us Lindsay is in Boston with The Wanted for their Thursday night show -- and we're told she got there riding first class on board the group's luxury bus ... as Max's guest.

We're also told Max is now 'fessing up he did invite LiLo backstage for the Philly Jingle Ball last night.

While Linds hitching a ride with Max is pretty strong evidence she's got her hooks into him -- our source says Max definitely "doesn't want a girlfriend, and is a single guy ... but doesn't mind having Lindsay around."

Not exactly Romeo and Juliet ... but we're guessing Lindsay will take it.

The Wanted singer Max George is 100% not dating Lindsay Lohan -- sources close to the heartthrob tell TMZ -- but no one seems sure of exactly how she got backstage at Jingle Ball last night in Philadelphia.

As we reported, Lindsay was spotted signing autographs at the concert -- but according to our Max sources, IF he invited LiLo ... he's not owning up to it. We're also told Max had no idea she was planning to come.

It's unclear if the two made contact while Lindsay was backstage -- but sources tell us, Max has no desire to be in a relationship right now ... with Lindsay or anyone ... seeing as he only recently broke things off with his ex-GF Michelle Keegan (some English actress).

FYI -- Michelle's smokin' hot.

So we gotta ask ...

Demi Moore's still a single woman ... despite reports claiming she's moved on from Ashton Kutcher with a 26-year-old art dealer -- so says the rumored "new man" himself.

Vito Schnabel -- the son of director Julian Schnabel -- was out at an art event in Miami last night when he was asked if there was any truth to the rumors he's dating 50-year-old Demi. Vito responded, "No. Nope."

But just hours later, Vito and Demi were spotted together at some Chanel party -- along with Lenny Kravitz and Stacy Keibler -- and "Demito" reportedly even MADE OUT.

So we gotta ask ...

Lindsay Lohan is still hot on the trail of Max George -- following him ... like a common groupie ... from NYC to Philadelphia last night, and even popped up backstage at a 'Wanted' gig.

Lindsay somehow scored a VIP pass to the Jingle Ball -- where The Wanted performed -- and was seen signing autographs for fans.

Of course, the last time LiLo tried cozying up to Max ... she got sloppy drunk, rejected by the boy-bander, and ended up in handcuffs after fighting with a woman inside of an NYC nightclub.

As we previously reported, the two have been spending a lot of time together lately ... and took a romantic stroll around Central Park earlier this week.

If history repeats itself, "Haylor" will enjoy a few more weeks of dating bliss before things go sour, Swift writes a breakup anthem and moves on to the next unsuspecting hit maker.

Enjoy it while you can, young lovers.

10:00 AM -- Harry and Taylor left the same hotel moments ago, just minutes apart from each other.

Hey ladies, wanna lock lips with Josh Duhamel (a.k.a. Fergie's husband)? Well there might finally be an opening for you -- BUT only if you're on the verge of death.

Duhamel was in Santa Monica this weekend -- doing his part at a youth event for the Red Cross -- when our photog asked him the most intelligent question ever: IS IT OKAY TO GIVE CPR TO A HOT CHICK, IF YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP???