The Hills

Both went commando.

The two -- who dated last August -- were caught swapping spit at Lavo nightclub at the Palazzo last night.

Could be worse ... at least it wasn't Justin Bobby.

First of all ... Heidi and Spencer are still in Costa Rica -- that's a fact.

Now ... Spencer Pratt is uncharacteristically pissed over Audrina Patridge's comment that she would never join "I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here." Spencer just told TMZ, "Heads up, Audrina. Just because you have a one night stand with a guy who's in a movie called "Star Trek" doesn't make you a star. You're just a ho."

In case that didn't register, he said, "You're just a ho." We have to say, not very Christian from a guy who just got baptized by Stephen Baldwin.

And get this: Spencer and Heidi are telling people in Costa Rica that they never really planned to quit the show. He's saying it was all a "mental fake out to mess with the competitors."

And the best part ... Remember Heidi crying a river on the show after the wrestler stole her shampoo? Heidi is bragging to people in Costa Rica that she and QVC are going to sell 500,000 units of that shampoo as a result of the drama -- and that's just for her first appearance on the shopping show.

By the way ... if you see video of two people landing at LAX last night and you hear it's Speidi ... it ain't. Just another fake out.

Spencer Pratt just released the following statement to TMZ regarding Jason Wahler's homophobic verbal attack on "The Hills" star last night:

"If I were to beat up every homophobic racist loser that challenged me to a fight – I wouldn't have time to be the most famous person in the world.

I'll pray for Jason Wahler."

FYI -- Wahler's history of racist, homophobic attacks have been well documented over the years -- like here and here and here.

Even Spencer will admit he's a poser, but Wahler took it a bit too far.

Spencer Pratt was out at Chinois with MMA fighter Kevin Casey -- the dude whose music video Pratt singlehandedly emasculated -- where he proved, once and for all, that he's a bigger poser than Avril Lavigne.

A made up storyline on an MTV reality show? No way...

A "moist" Heidi & Spencer vs. the trashy Paris & Doug: Who's got you reaching for the barf bag?

Not nauseated enough? Spencer said they "tried" consummating the marriage. Ick.

Although swine flu comes from pigs, the CDC has not confirmed if this latest strain originated from Spencer.

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There are three major rules for every wedding reception -- and Heidi and Spencer broke every one of them.

Rule #1 -- Open Bar
Spies at the wedding tell TMZ that while beer and wine were free, guests had to shell out $10 for mixed drinks. That's just bush league.

Rule #2 -- Food
What food? We're told the cocktail hour was sparse -- with some sort of tuna tartar dish and something described as "chicken salad on a cracker." There were hardly any servers and the portions were small.

Rule #3 -- Show up on time
You'd think this one was a given. Call time for the reception was 6:00 PM, but the the doors didn't actually open until 7:30. And the guests of honor didn't show up until 9:00 PM -- which probably would have been fine if there had been food and free drinks!

Yep, it's Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's wedding day -- or as they say over at MTV -- a really big episode of "The Hills."

The ceremony is set to begin at 5pm on the West Coast, if all goes as scripted, but there's already plenty of action outside the Pasadena, Calif church.

We don't want to give away everything, but there will be a "scene" with Spencer tossing a bouquet.

By the way, one off-duty Pasadena cop who's working security in the neighborhood said this about the happy couple: "I have no idea who this is, but I know my daughter will be freaking out when I tell her."