CSI

LaRue issued a formal mea culpa in L.A. yesterday -- telling TMZ, "To Jane Fonda, sadly I'm your third cousin ... The gene pool has obviously been quite screwed up since you. I'm so sorry."

HSBC filed a lawsuit in L.A. County Superior Court -- obtained by TMZ -- claiming Dourdan owes $88,024.95 for credit card purchases over the last four years ... plus cash advances.

According to the docs, HSBC has tried several times to get its money -- but Dourdan isn't answering those annoying robocalls.

TMZ has learned the criminal case against Dourdan's girlfriend, Maria Asis del Alamo, was dismissed today. Turns out the whole thing was a big misunderstanding.

Seems Gary and Maria were having a good time in a Venice, CA home, when a nosy neighbor mistook passion for violence. The cops came and, despite Gary's protests, they arrested Maria after noticing a scratch on Gary's neck.

Prosecutors now realize it was the sound of love, so the case has gone bye-bye.

As for Gary, he's been sober for more than a year, has a beautiful GF, is in love, and knows how to show it. Not a bad turnaround.

Cops were called to a Venice, CA home in the early afternoon. We're told when they arrived they found Dourdan scratched up. They arrested Maria Asis del Alamo where she was taken to the station and booked on misdemeanor domestic battery.

Maria is 5'8", 110 lbs. Gary is 6'2" and his fighting weight is 190.

Maria is now free on bail.

For the first time in 20 years, "Crime Scene Investigation" star Marg Helgenberger will experience Valentine's Day as a single woman ... thanks to an L.A. County Judge.

TMZ obtained court documents which show Helgenberger's divorce from former Screen Actors Guild president Alan Rosenberg will become final on February 1, 2010.

Ironically, the name she couldn't understand: Paris.

This is one of the best lawsuits we've seen in a while -- a writer for "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" is accused of naming some seriously perverted characters on his show after a real-life couple who allegedly screwed her in a real estate deal gone bad.

According to the suit, filed moments ago in L.A. County Superior Court, Scott and Melinda Tamkin claim "CSI" writer Sarah Goldfinger sought revenge against them by allegedly using their names and likenesses to craft a recent episode of "CSI."

Here's the rub -- the Tamkins claim their fictional counterparts "engaged in a reckless lifestyle of sexual bondage, pornography, drunkeness, marital discord, depression, financial straights and possibly even murder."

The Tamkins claim CBS acknowledged the problem and changed the names "at the eleventh hour," but because the first names matched, and the original last names had already made it to the Internet -- the damage was already done.

Now the Tamkins claim their good names have been sullied -- and are suing CBS, Goldfinger and the production company behind the show for at least $6 mil.

David Caruso is being sued by a woman who claims the "CSI Miami" star jilted her.

Liza Marquez claims she met David on the "CSI" set in 2004 and began dating soon thereafter. She says in her lawsuit filed in L.A. County Superior Court that Caruso told her he loved her and would never leave her. She says he gave her a ring, with promises of more to come.

They began living together and he allegedly promised he would provide for her in return for her services as a homemaker and confidante. They had two kids together, and in October, 2007, upon the birth of the second child, David broke up with her.

Liza says Caruso agreed to pay her a cool $1 mil plus attorneys fees, but has reneged.

Marg Helgenberger, the star of "CSI," is going back on the singles market -- the actress officially filed for divorce from her husband, Alan Rosenberg.

In divorce papers filed yesterday in L.A. County Superior Court, Helgenberger cited irreconcilable differences with Rosenberg, who happens to be the president of the Screen Actors Guild -- S.A.G.

The two were married back in 1989, but separated last December.

A former homicide detective who has been an advisor to "CSI: Miami" is being sued by his former fiancee, alleging he viciously framed her in a police dragnet that could have gotten her killed.

Rebecca Accarino claims she was engaged to Michael Scott, a former L.A. County Sheriff's detective. According to the lawsuit filed in L.A. County Superior Court, Accarino and her 11-year-old granddaughter moved in with Scott, but things went south when Accarino felt Scott was threatening toward her.

The suit claims she decided to break off the engagement but did not tell him. Accarino says on June 16, 2008, she and her granddaughter went to Scott's house to retrieve her stuff. Scott was not there but a neighbor spotted her and asked what she was doing. She told the neighbor she was breaking up with Scott and moving out.

Accarino says she took her stuff out of the house and drove off with her granddaughter in her BMW, which had been parked in the driveway. The neighbor called Scott and told him what had gone down. Scott told the neighbor to call 911 and say she had committed a burglary, she was driving a stolen car, she was armed, she was in possession of drugs and she would elude arrest.

The next thing Accarino knew, she was driving along when L.A. County Sheriff's deputies surrounded her car, with weapons drawn. Accarino and her granddaughter were removed from the car, forced to their knees with heads down and arms back. They were then handcuffed and searched.

Accarino is suing Scott and his neighbor for not less than $1 million for emotional distress and false imprisonment.

McCullouch -- who plays Bobby Dawson on the show -- used moves he learned from boxing to square off with an 6-foot-3-inch, 240 lb man who tried stealing his laptop. The large criminal responded by trying to stab McCullouch with a 10-inch kitchen knife....the leather jacket McCullouch is wearing saved his life.

One of the stars on "CSI" did not rely on high-tech crime fighting techniques when he thwarted a crime -- he just beat the criminal down.

Gerald McCullouch -- aka crime scene investigator Bobby Dawson -- was on a train from JFK Airport in NYC when a very large man tried grabbing his laptop. McCullouch -- a trained boxer who had just been in the ring 8 hours earlier -- treated the criminal to a body shot to the chest, according to the New York Daily News.

Now get this. The 6-foot-3-inch, 240 lb scofflaw pulled out a kitchen knife with a 10-inch blade. As other passengers ran for cover, the dude tried to plunge the knife in McCullouch's back, but his leather jacket protected him.

McCullouch says he was in the guy's face and punched him again. The train had just left the station when it stopped. McCullouch said, "You are f**ked, buddy." "Buddy" then came at him again with the knife.

At that point 10 cops jumped on the train and busted the guy. And get this -- cops told McCullouch the culprit may be the same guy who stabbed two cops.

Henry Lee, eat your heart out. This dude knows how to solve crimes.

Wait, so kids shouldn't play with asbestos?

A lawsuit filed in L.A. County Superior Court says that kids who bought the CSI Fingerprint Examination Kit exposed themselves to dangerously high levels of one of the most lethal forms of asbestos through the fingerprinting powder inside. The toymaker, Planet Toys, actually put a "stop sale" on the kit back in December, but still won't acknowledge that the powder is asbestos-riddled, even though an independent test showed that it was.

The suit seeks unspecified damages. Planet Toys' lawyers couldn't be reached for comment.

K-Fed packed an entire season's worth of acting chops into his brief guest-starring appearance. There was raw sneer, for one, as he delivered the line "This little piggy went wee, wee, wee all the way home" with seething, Spacey-esque brilliance. He flexed his animal-impersonation skills with a highly convincing porcine impression equally compelling for its accuracy and its minimalism. And he even makes a clever, knowing, and sincerely-expressed encapsulation of his own existence with wife Britney Spears: "Free shower, free food, free sleep," he says, in a casual sing-song.

Even though, as he perceptively noted yesteday, the lines were "catered" to his thespian sensibilities, there's no doubt that K-Fed brought the wealth and weight of his own experience to this performance.

"I don't know, do you?"

K-Fed was being interviewed by EXTRA's Carlos Diaz on the set of the smash TV show CSI. Kevin has a role on the show this week, where he plays an arrogant character.

Kevin said "they catered the lines to stuff that I would probably say, you know, if I was being arrogant." That's what prompted Diaz to ask if Federline thought people saw him in that way.

One thing's for sure, you don't want to miss Kevin struttin' his stuff on this week's CSI, and check your local listings for Extra too!