You Might Want to Rethink

After "Kill Bill" and "Sin City" re-injected high kitsch into the American cinema, we here at City of Industry were particularly interested in what the critics would say about Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodgriguez's newest, critic-proof films: Rodriguez's "Planet Terror" and Tarantino's "Death Proof," which are being released as a double feature entitled "Grindhouse" -- this weekend on 2,624 screens.

By far, my favorite review of the directors' combined 3-hour slasher & zombie hodgepodge comes from the Christian Science Monitor's Peter Rainer, who writes of Tarantino's newest:

"Tarantino devotes a great deal of time to scenes of the women just sassing each other – at times it's like a grindhouse version of 'The View.' [but]...Tarantino may have moved beyond the grindhouse conventions he has routinely championed. The extended sequences with the women in 'Death Proof,' before the blood and the vroom-vroom set in, could be his newfound attempt to humanize his people instead of treating them as car-crash mannequins. He has such a good, loosey-goosey feeling for the back-and-forth jabber of girlfriends that you almost wish he had jettisoned the skidding U-Turns and just made a film about women hanging out."

That's an intriguing idea, and one that's especially timely given the untimely death of Bob Clark. Tthe director got his start with horror schlock like "Black Christmas" and raunchy comedies like "Porky's," but the media -- and the world -- remembers him far more fondly for directing that near-perfect holiday film, "A Christmas Story."

You may think television exists to entertain you, or inform you. But sadly, you would be wrong.

TV exists solely to sell you nationally advertised beer, Buicks and burgers -- over and over again-- even if you just drove home with a sack of burgers and a case of beer in your new Buick.

And whatever you think of that model, you're kind of stuck with it.

Or, are you? News broke on Tuesday that Google, the Internet search giant that handles 44% of all the world's searches, has begun selling ads via Dish Network - the satellite TV service that reaches over 12 million households.

That's a big deal, because soon, you might start seeing a whole lot of new and different (read: local) ads on your idiot box, as TV advertising becomes commoditized. That is, given a more specific value.

Advertisers love commoditization, because increased competition leads to lower prices, and what business doesn't like lower advertising prices?

If you said, "Um, the TV networks, dimwit." you definitely advance to the bonus round: When TV advertising gets commoditized, TV networks suffer, since their ability to command premium prices is dramatically weakened.

With that in mind, it should come as no surprise that TV networks like Turner Networks, Discovery, Lifetime and ESPN all decided today to boycott eBay's new online advertising exchange. As the New York Times aptly points out, "Without the participation of cable networks, the eBay exchange will have no air time to sell to advertisers."

Chloe Sevigny debuted her latest fashion disasterpiece at a NYC auto exhibit on Tuesday -- what a wreck!

The "Big Love" star rehung her gathered green floral print menagerie with gothic stockings and a pair of granny heels. Curtain rod sold separately.

Lindsay Lohan celebrated the advent of a Monday night by hitting up at three fiestas in just a single evening, an astonishing feat of fetes, even for the rehabbed party princess.

La Lohan's first stop was a celebration of the premiere of Showtime's "The Tudors" at Les Deux, where she was photographed getting close to fellow rehabber, Robbie Williams.

Linds then traveled with a few girlfriends to new celeb hotspot Winston's, before taking off and heading to a house party in the Pacific Palisades. Monday is just one more day of the weekend, people!

While Jenna was never exactly Kirstie Alley, for this look she seems to have become some amalgam of Kelly Ripa, Nicole Richie and a standard-issue local affiliate blonde anchorwoman.

Please Jenna, for the love of testosterone, bring back the buxom bodaciousness of yesteryear ... or even last year!

Dressed to the Ca-nines in a Grimace-purple, Mrs. Roper maternity muumuu, unfortunate black shorts with matching Mary-Kate Olsen black tights, and a pair of two-toned purple and white pumps -- Mischa looks ready to walk the high fashion runways ... of the Westminster Kennel Club! Arf!

Mischa really ought to have this look put down!

BREAKING NEWS: A judge has ordered that the rights to the scotched O.J. Simpson tell-all, "If I Did It," are to be sold at auction to help fund a civil judgment against the Bronco buster, which means it could soon see the light of your local Barnes & Noble after all.

(That's assuming the McSweeney's musical version of "If I Did It" didn't whet your appetite.)

It's certainly a disgusting turn of events and an impossible situation for the Goldman family, which fought to prevent the book's sale, when it turned out that the Juicy One would profit from it; they now find themselves in the unenviable position of having to promulgate Simpson's lurid recollections in order to ever see a dime from him.

Where could such a book come from? Only from ex ReganBooks publisher Judith Regan, who's the subject of the most excoriating piece by Micahel Wolff in recent memory, in this month's Vanity Fair.

Viz, According to Wolff, Regan represents..."the psychopathology of the media -- its shameless self-promoters, so without a moral center, so motivated by their own grandiosity and need for attention, that they have bankrupted the culture..."

After nearly 20 years, former teen popstar Debbie Deborah Gibson is still stuck at her 1988 Long Island prom! Sadly, this taffeta catastrophe isn't only in her dreams!

With her "Electric Youth" on the fritz, the 36-year-old arrived at a Foundation for Facial Reconstruction charity event in New York on Monday draped in a coral sheath -- which appears to have been acquired at a "Dancing with the Stars" rummage sale.

The 56-year-old former 70s heartthrob was across the pond signing copies of his new memoir, "Could It Be Forever - My Story," while the magically recuperated Roy popped up last week at Elizabeth Taylor's 75th birthday bash in Las Vegas!

C'mon get happy!

The pleasantly plump Oscar show scribe arrived to the ACLU Pride Partnership Awards on Thursday, sporting his usual Sally Jessy Raphael glasses, his standard ironic t-shirt, and a new Virgie Arthur shag!

Her name is Niecy Nash, but last night, it was all about Niecy's ASS!

The comedian showed off her, er, biggest asset in a tortured one-piece thong swimsuit -- at the Hollywood premiere of her new film, "Reno 911: Miami." Baby got back and den sum!

Since Nash plays a cop in the film, this should be the first bum she gets off the street!

The usually fashion-friendly Drew left a British Airways flight wearing gaudy silver headphones, frightful white 80s glasses (at night), and a hippie-lacious combination of Indian scarf, 2003 Ugg boots and a puffy-sleeved pea coat. Phone home!

The actress crossed the pond for press engagements with co-star Hugh Grant for their new flick, "Music and Lyrics."

The cocktail-clasping chanteuse celebrated her 23rd birthday at NYC hotspot Katra on Monday, sporting smeared linebacker eyeliner leftover from the Super Bowl, and a layered satin 80s dress straight out of Molly Ringwald's prom line. Aubrey should have gone with pretty in pink instead.

From Oksana Baiul to Prince, check out which celebs should have been tackled for their fashion fumbles.

Since appearing on "American Idol" three years ago, 19-year-old Diana DeGarmo has grown up right before our eyes ... into a 42-year-old soccer mom! Anyone want a juice box?

DeGarmo arrived at a book signing in New York this week, looking twice her age in a mid-90s menopause red 'Rachel' bob, and enough pancake to smother her entire "Hairspray" cast.

Unless DeGarmo is interested in reporting the news on Telemundo, she might want to ease up on the RuPaul rouge. Work it, mija!