Amy Schumer No Joke ... I Got a New $12 Mil Penthouse

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Amy Schumer is movin' on up ... to a deluxe home on NYC's Upper West Side for $12.15 million.

Amy reportedly closed on the 5 bed, 5.5 bath penthouse in October, and it's been described as a Malibu beach house mixed with sophisticated Manhattan architecture.

Amy's new home features spacious living and dining areas, a glass fireplace, media room and a private terrace with incredible views ... as in, she'll be getting an eyeful of the Hudson and Jersey everyday.

She's been trying to sell her last place -- a 1 bed, 1.5 bath townhouse -- for a while, but it's clear she wasn't gonna pass on taking this big step up.

PayPal Co-Founder I'm Worth $1.5 Billion But Still Renting

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PayPal co-founder Ken Howery has so much money to burn, he's not sweating a piddly $33k monthly check ... just for rent!

Our real estate sources tell us Ken scored a Hollywood Hills bachelor pad worth $11 million in the famous Bird Streets ... overlooking the Sunset Strip.

The 3 bedroom, 6 bath covers 4,500 sq ft, with a movie theater, pool, spa, BBQ and fire pit outside. The real draw though is the amazing view of downtown L.A. ... from every bedroom.

Ken's home base for work is San Fran, so this is most likely just the most baller cash crash pad you'll ever see.

'RHOA' Star Porsha Williams NeNe's Newest Neighbor ... We're Mansion Mates!

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Porsha Williams really is tied at the hip with her 'RHOA' co-stars ... 'cause she just bought a mansion 2 minutes away from NeNe Leakes.

Porsha dropped $1.15 million on her new Georgia pad, and showed she's business savvy in the process -- since the asking price was $1.275 mil.

At 5,920 sq. feet ... the 5 bed, 7 bath spread comes with 5 fireplaces, a huge chef's kitchen, plus gorgeous millwork throughout. Like we said, she's now in the same gated community as NeNe -- just across the country club golf course.

Reality stars gotta stick together ... in sickness and in wealth.

Gilbert Arenas Unloads Calabasas Mansion ... Guess Who Can Afford Private School?!

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The money Gods have answered Gilbert Arenas' prayers -- because just days after he claimed he couldn't afford private school for his kids ... the ex-NBA star made a cool $600k in a real estate deal.

Karlie Kloss Geeks Out In $10 Mil Bev Hills Crash Pad

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Model Karlie Kloss makes a living off her face, but it's her brains that helped her score a $10 million Beverly Hills home.

Kloss was in town shooting "Bill Nye Saves The World" -- she's a correspondent for the upcoming Netflix series, and very smartly opted for some serious square footage in this Airbnb rental, hooked up by the company.

The crib's got 5 bedrooms, 6 baths, a sweet pool and even famous neighbors like the Beckhams, Jay Leno, Priscilla Presley and Brett Ratner.

We're told she stayed there for a week, which would put the average person about $12k in the hole.

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Steph Curry Lists Baller Mansion ... $3.7 Million!

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Wanna live like Steph Curry but don't exactly have the jump shot??

Well, now you can buy his Bay Area mansion ... if you've got around $3.7 MILLION to drop!

DeMarcus Ware House Burglary Caught On Camera ... Cops Investigating

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DeMarcus Ware is on the hunt to tackle the criminals who burglarized his house during the Broncos' MNF game ... and at least part of the break-in was caught on camera ... TMZ Sports has learned.

After the Broncos whooped Brock Osweiler and the Texans Monday night, D-Ware tweeted that his house was broken into during the game.

A rep for Ware tells TMZ Sports that the Pro-Bowler has surveillance cameras on his property ... and that footage will be handed over to the cops to provide the "best possible investigation."

Ware's rep says no one from D.W.'s family was home at the time of the break-in.

"His material and earned possessions mean nothing in comparison to the safety of him and his family. Multiple and extreme measures have been taken to ensure justice is served."

We reached out to Denver police ... who confirmed there is an active investigation ongoing.

Story developing ...

Taraji P. Henson Cookie On Top of the World In New $6.4 Mil Pad

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Taraji P. Henson's empire is expanding into the Hollywood Hills where she just plunked down $6.4 million for her new secluded home.

The 3 bedroom, 3 bath Spanish home sits on top of a hill with breathtaking 360 city views. Plus, her new pool has a waterfall, and there's a totally zen meditation deck overlooking the city.

Taraji still owns another home in the less bougie Glendale neighborhood, which she leases.

Cookie's got serious real estate hustle.

Blac Chyna Baby's Going Home to Her House ... So Will Rob, For Now

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Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian still have separate living arrangements -- and that won't change before their baby arrives -- but they've got a co-parenting plan in place ... TMZ has learned.

Our sources say Chyna's house is going to be home base when the baby girl is born next month, but Rob's not dodging diaper duty. We're told he and Chyna are getting along well right now, and he's been staying at her house for a few weeks.

The plan is to share parental duties at Chyna's nest, but Rob isn't selling his Calabasas home just yet. Fact is ... their relationship is volatile and when things go south, Rob retreats to his place, we're told.

But for now the plan is to be one happy family under one roof, and ultimately find a new house. Rob had been looking, but didn't find anything.

We're told they'll start looking together after the the baby's born and things settle down.

Tom Gores Pistons Owner Buys $100 Million Mansion!!!

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One of the best properties in all of Los Angeles just sold ... for a cool $100 mil, TMZ has learned.

Detroit Pistons' owner Tom Gores snagged the Holmby Hills estate Thursday. The place is spectacular ... 30,000 square feet, 10 bedrooms, 20 bathrooms, a 10 car garage, ridiculous pools, including an indoor waterfall that drops into a lap pool, beauty salon, wine room, massage room, movie theater ... and on and on.

The master suite alone is 5,300 square feet!

It's the second $100 million sale in L.A. ... back in August the Playboy Mansion, also located in Holmby Hills, sold for the same amount.

Gores kept it all in the family. He was repped by real estate agents Tiffany and Christy Martin, his nieces, and sister Samira. All 3 agents are with The Agency, which by the way also sold the Playboy Mansion.

The property used to be owned by Barbara Streisand back in the day, but years later it was razed and the new house was built.

Johnny Manziel Crappy Details In $350,000 Lawsuit ... Animal Poop & Debauchery

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New disgusting allegations against Johnny Manziel -- who's being sued for more than $350,000 for allegedly treating a $50 MILLION mansion like a giant litter box ... according to a new lawsuit.

As we previously reported, Manziel's at war with the guy who owns the famous Weidlake Mansion in the Hollywood Hills ... where the QB allegedly stayed for most of the summer.

According to the lawsuit, Manziel and his pal entered an 8 month lease to stay at the pad but disappeared after 3 months ... after causing more than $187,000 in damages.

"Defendants ravaged the plaintiff's home," the suit reads ... "They broke doors and mirrors, and failed to clean up and immense amount of dog feces and urine that was left throughout multiple rooms of the house for days, if not weeks."

The owner claims the pee and poo left an "overwhelming stench and permanent staining to expensive couches, hardwood floors, rugs and carpets."

The owner claims he reached out to Johnny to fix the issue and Johnny texted back taking full responsibility.

"This is on me %1000," one of Johnny's alleged texts reads ... "I cannot apologize enough."

The owner says Johnny also promised to cover the damages saying, "I'm a man of my word."

Problem is ... according to the suit, Manziel and his roommate never fixed the problem -- plus they moved out after 3 months and still owe $125,000 in unpaid rent.

Johnny has adamantly denied any wrongdoing and says he never signed any contract that would put him on the hook for rent or any other damages.

DeAndre Jordan Lists Insane $12 Mil L.A. Mansion ... Indoor Hot Tub??

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*DOPE MANSION ALERT* ... courtesy of NBA superstar DeAndre Jordan -- who's selling his massive Pacific Palisades estate which comes with a basketball court and indoor, outdoor hot tubs!

The place is awesome ... 7 bedrooms, 10 bathrooms ... with killer views of the ocean AND the city.

But the best parts -- the basketball court rules, the home theater is sick, the wine room is massive, the backyard is the ultimate party area ... PLUS he's got a hot tub and pool INSIDE the home!

And all this could be yours for the low low price of ... $12.4 million! (listing agent is Jordan Cohen of RE/MAX Olson & Associates Inc.)

DJ actually bought the home last year for $12.7 mil -- and it's unclear why he's moving, but we're guessing he'll find another nice pad soon enough. He can afford it.

Gwen Stefani & Gavin Rossdale Officially List Bev Hills Home ... For $35 Million

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There might be a silver lining to Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale's divorce ... they'll profit more than $20 million off their Beverly Hills home if they get the $35 million asking price.

TMZ has learned Gwen and Gavin have finally listed their 7 bedroom, 7.5 bath home for $35 million ... not an uncommon price for that part of town.

They purchased the stunning 15,500 square foot pad in 2007 for $13.25 million, and tried to get rid of the property last year as a pocket listing, but it didn't seem to budge. They're now working with realtors Jade Mills and Stephen Shapiro, who were responsible for the Playboy Mansion sale.

As for the home ... it's a modern masterpiece with an infinity pool, hot tub, gym, theater, tennis court, several fireplaces and even has an outdoor kitchen. It's nicknamed "The Summit" because it sits inside a gated community atop of a hill ... which means the place has killer views.

It's community property ... so they'll be splitting the profits.

'GoT' Star Emilia Clarke Khaleesi, Mother of $4.64 Million Venice Pad

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Emilia Clarke is riding high after swooping in and buying a home in the super exclusive beachside community of Venice, CA.

The "Game of Thrones" star bought the modern 2 bed, 3 bath house in June for $4.64 mil -- about $300k more than asking price. Seems worth it ... it comes with a 30 foot pool, lush garden, super chill outdoor lounge area and more natural light than they get in Westeros.

Check out the pics ... the enormous bookcase and soaring ceilings are fit for the Mother of Dragons.

2 Chainz Game Recognizes Game Buys Music Legend's Crib

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2 Chainz can rock out in true style ... especially since the crib he bought was owned by legendary rock guitarist Steve Vai.

The rapper plunked down $2.45 million for the 3 bedroom, 5 bathroom Hollywood Hills pad -- which includes the famous "Mothership Studio" where the likes of Van Halen and Ozzy Osbourne once recorded music.

Check out the pics ... 2 Chainz has 3,400 square feet of space to throw epic parties -- if he wants.

Let's just hope his ceiling doesn't go missing.

Vin Diesel's House Where My Magic Began ... Now I'm Selling It!!

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It's the end of an era for Vin Diesel -- the starter home he bought 16 years ago just hit the market.

The 'Furious' star's 2 bedroom, 3 bath pad in the Hollywood Hills can be yours for $1.395 million. Vin briefly put it on the market in 2013 but has been renting it out since then. If he gets his asking price, Vin could pocket up to $833k.

The pad needs some TLC but it's got good meat on its bones -- the master bedroom features French doors opening to a pool, spa and built-in BBQ. Inside it's got a charming brick fireplace.

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