Weird News

This may be the very best police report of 2008. When Charles Barkley was busted in Arizona early NYE morning for DUI, he told cops he ran a stop sign because he was in a hurry to get some oral sex.

According to the officer who wrote the report, "He told me that he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl I saw get in the passenger seat."

The officer continues: "He asked me to admit that she was 'hot.' He asked me, 'You want the truth?' When I told him I did he said, 'I was gonna drive around the corner and get a b**w job. He then explained that she had given him a 'b**w job' one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had in his life."

The report says when Barkley was taken to the station, he told one of the employees, "I'll tattoo my name on your ass" if he helped "get him out of the DUI." According to the report, "He laughed and then quickly corrected himself and said, 'I'll tattoo your name on my ass' and then laughed again."

But it was all too real when hotel staff saw that one of the sharks from the famous resort aquarium had somehow jumped out of its tank and onto a nearby water slide -- where it managed to slide down into the pool.

It all went down before the pool opened Tuesday -- so nobody was in the water -- but here's where it gets tragic: A rep for the Atlantis tells TMZ the shark died a short time after swimming in the chlorinated water. Here's the heartbreaking statement:

"Yesterday morning at around 9:30 AM, prior to the resort's waterscape opening to guests, a 12+-year-old female reef shark jumped over an 18 inch wide and 1 foot high sustaining structure into the resort's Leap of Faith water slide.

The Atlantis Aquarists believe the shark was startled by an unusual circumstance that we have no way of defining completely. In the over ten years guests have experienced the Leap of Faith, the reef shark itself, harmless to humans as it is fed regularly by our staff, had shown no previous incidences of leaping out of the water in the marine habitat ...

Having trouble finding what to get the person who has everything on your Christmas list? How about some of Scarlett Johansson's germs?!

Jay Leno and ScarJo are selling the tissue the 24-year-old actress blew her nose into on last night's "Tonight Show" on eBay and giving the proceeds to the USA Harvest food charity. Yum.

A pirate's days of raping and pillaging are over -- now all a pirate needs to do to get some booty is say "Yo" to a ho.

A former Disneyland employee claims the Mouse House fired four different Captain Jack Sparrow impersonators after the character's sexy pirate persona evoked wench-like behavior from a couple of landlubbers. In other words, some female Disney guests were flashing their teacups.

A Disney spokesperson called the claims "absolutely false," saying the swashbucklers were sent walkin' the plank because their character had become less popular -- not because fake pirates are to theme-park-goers what a Joe Francis camera crew is to Mardis Gras.

The two whizzes who created a device to beat drug tests just learned a valuable lesson: You don't pee on the United States government out of a fake penis and tell 'em it's raining.

Robert Catalano and George Wills have just plead guilty in U.S. District Court for conspiring to sell the Whizzinator -- a prosthetic penis sold with a heating device and dried urine which, quite obviously, helps people fake their way through drug tests.

A couple of famous people have been busted for slangin' around the fake phallus over the years -- including actor Tom Sizemore and former NFL running back Onterrio Smith.