'Red Bull Jumper' Felix B. Neil Armstrong Told Me How to Poop in Space

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WARNING:  If you're ever planning on going to space, DO NOT eat a burrito before launch ... 'cause it could KILL YOU ... this according to space jumper Felix Baumgartner.

Felix -- who jumped from the stratosphere during the Red Bull Stratos project -- was in L.A. yesterday, and revealed that he met with astronaut Neil Armstrong before his October jump ... and the topic of conversation was space-logs.

According to Felix, zero-gravity dumping is a serious issue ... and Neil and other astronauts agree -- you just don't drop a deuce in space unless you absolutely have to.

Justin Bieber Accused of Animal Cruelty ... By Hamster Org.

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Justin Bieber issued a DEATH SENTENCE to his pet hamster PAC when he gave it away to a screaming fan (who promised to love and cherish it forever) outside of a concert earlier this month ... this according to the California Hamster Association (yes, there's actually a California Hamster Association).

TMZ spoke to a rep for the group ... who tells us Bieber committed an act of "animal cruelty" when he gifted away the animal ... even if his intentions were good.

The CHA tells us ... hamsters are fragile creatures that "often succumb quickly to illness and death," especially when faced with "sudden environmental change."

In short ... "The moment that hamster was handed off to a screaming girl in a harsh, frenzied environment was likely the moment it gazed at the short path to its doom."

DOOM!!!!!!

So what should Bieber have done instead? The CHA says if Justin no longer wanted the pet, he could have left it in the care of an animal shelter or rescue center ... so they could've handed it off to a responsible new owner in a safer manner.

As for PAC, he's currently alive and well in the care of Bieber's 18-year-old super-fan Tori ... who has vowed to treat the animal like a tiny rodent god.

So far, no comment for Bieber.

Justin, Ashton SWATTER 12 YEARS OLD!!!

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The juvenile who was arrested for phoning in prank 911 calls -- claiming there was gun violence at the homes of Justin Bieber and Ashton Kutcher -- is only 12 years old ... TMZ has learned.

Sources connected to the boy tell TMZ ... he lives in California with his mother. He refuses to go to school and sits at his computer day and night, communicating with other hackers. We're told he is antisocial, preferring the keyboard to personal contact.

Our sources say Children's Services has been to the boy's apartment multiple times, trying to stabilize the situation, to no avail. We're told the mother has virtually checked out. We're told the family is "incredibly dysfunctional."

Our sources say the boy is smart, but by no means a Zuckerberg-esque genius. Still, he was able to evade cops for months.

We're told law enforcement is sympathetic and steps are afoot to remove the child from the home and place him in a stable foster environment. We're also told authorities are inclined to get the boy counseling rather than mete out punishment -- i.e., place him on probation and if he completes his counseling program all charges will be dismissed.

It's pretty remarkable ... a 12 year old concocted incredible fake scenarios to fool cops ... telling them gun-toting Russian thugs had held people in Ashton's house hostage.

The L.A. County D.A. has yet to make a decision on charging the boy with crimes.

MMA Fighter Ray Elbe I'm SELLING Pics of My Broken Wiener

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They say a picture's worth a thousand words ... and if that picture happens to feature a penis that was FRACTURED during sex, it might be worth a couple thousand bucks ... at least that's what MMA fighter Ray Elbe is hoping for.

Sources close to Elbe tell TMZ ... the former "Ultimate Fighter" contestant TOOK PHOTOS of his mangled manhood after his GF snapped it in half during a spirited love-making session.

As we previously reported, Elbe's penis ripped open ... sending blood spattering all over his room. He was rushed to a nearby hospital where he was immediately stitched up.

Elbe racked up thousands of dollars in medical bills ... and now, we're told the fighter is actively trying to shop the pics to various media outlets so he can pay for his expensive dong treatment.

So far, it's unclear if Ray has found a buyer ... but we gotta ask ...

'Ultimate Fighter' Ray Elbe My GF Broke My Penis!! (aka Get Ready to Cringe)

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If you didn't know Ray Elbe from 'Ultimate Fighter' ... you will now forever know him as the dude whose girlfriend banged him so hard she broke his penis! Yeah, we can't stop crying either.

Check out TMZ on TV -- click here to see your local listings!

'Honey Boo Boo' Star Hell Yeah, I Wanna Do a Redneck Porno!

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"Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" star "Crazy" Tony Lindsey is so dang excited by the recent redneck porn boom ... he's ready to make a hillbilly skin flick of his own!

We broke the story ... sales of redneXXX films are surging -- increasing 250% in the last two years -- thanks in part to the redneck reality TV craze and shows like "Honey Boo Boo."

"Crazy" Tony -- HUGE hillbilly porn fan -- tells us ... he's "honored" to have sparked the trend and is gunning to get in on the action -- by bumping uglies with another bumpkin in his very own porno!

His lone concession: he doesn't want any crazy porno names ... claiming "Everybody already knows me as 'Crazy' Tony, so why change it?”

No word on whether his gorilla costume will make an appearance.

Victoria's Secret Angel Fetch My Butt Washer!

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Got a little sand on your perfectly-toned butt? No problem. Just ring that little bell and your loyal butt-washing attendant will be right over ... carrying a gleaming silver pail filled with Fiji water just to de-sand your perky cheeks.

Just one requirement: you must be Victoria's Secret Angel Candice Swanepoel ... who proudly showed off the ridiculous ass-splashing service she got during a recent photo shoot in St. Barths.

FYI -- we were joking about the Fiji part ... but La Toya wasn't.

Lindsay Lohan I Don't Do Bar Mitzvahs!

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13-year-old Jewish boys will have to come of age WITHOUT Lindsay Lohan's help -- because the actress does not do Bar Mitzvahs ... despite recent claims by a talent agency trying to pimp her out for small-scale appearances.

A North Carolina company called 123 Talent recently sent out mass emails, offering to book Lindsay for personal appearances, weddings, and Bar Mitzvahs.

A booking fee isn't listed on the message -- but Lindsay's film credits are ... "The Parent Trap," "I Know Who Killed Me," and that creepy Disney movie with Tyra Banks called "Life-Size."

And now, Lindsay's pissed -- insisting her career hasn't sunk so low that she'd be forced to do anything like a Bar Mitzvah or a wedding ... not yet anyway.

What's more -- sources close to the actress tell us, Lindsay NEVER signed a deal with 123 Talent and never agreed to let them represent her in any way ... so the email is totally bogus.

The CEO of 123 Talent -- which still claims to represent Lindsay on its website -- tells us, the pitch was NOT bogus but Lindsay's team has since "decided to go in another direction."

The CEO added, "Unfortunately, we are not working with Lindsay Lohan."

'Ultimate Fighter' Star Gruesome Penis Injury In HORRIFIC Sex Accident

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**WARNING -- YOU CANNOT UNREAD THIS STORY ... AND IT'S GOING TO MAKE YOU CRINGE **

... ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE A MAN.

... OK, LAST WARNING

... SERIOUSLY, THIS IS MESSED UP.

OK, HERE WE GO ...

MMA fighter Ray Elbe -- who competed on "Ultimate Fighter 9" -- had to be rushed to a hospital in Malaysia earlier this month and required 10 stitches ... after he BROKE HIS PENIS during sex.

Elbe told the whole story -- in painfully graphic detail -- on an MMA website ... explaining how he was having sex with his GF, who was "on top" ... when she bounced a little too high, and crunched Ray's erect penis.

According to Ray, his penis "fractured" ... and "blood was everywhere." Ray says he immediately passed out from the pain.

Ray says he was rushed to a nearby hospital ... and underwent emergency surgery to close the wound and repair a "slight tear" in his urinary tube.

Elbe says the pain was so severe after the surgery, his johnson was "throbbing with each heart beat."

Elbe says he expects to make a full recovery -- and was ordered to take "anti-erection pills" for two weeks.

The fighter says he learned a hard lesson from the experience -- and will never let his GF be "on top" ever again.

Elbe also explained, "In an attempt to make it up to me ... [my GF] has promised me a threesome of my choice when we get to the Philippines ... which usually has some solid talent."

Justin Bieber's Hamster Living Like a GOD With New Owner

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La Toya Jackson My Dogs Only Drink Fiji

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La Toya Jackson wants nothing but the BEST for her two dogs -- telling TMZ, her little flea bags drink ONLY Fiji-brand water.

La Toya was out in Beverly Hills Sunday night when we asked her all about her two pups -- named Prince and Paris ... after La Toya's famous niece and nephew.

And that's when she dropped the bombshell -- telling our camera guy, her furry friends ONLY drink that ridiculously expensive Fiji-brand artesian water in those clear plastic bottles.

And they still probably lick their own butts.

'Honey Boo Boo' Redneck Reality TV Ignites SURGE in Hillbilly Porn

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America's obsession with hillbillies is spilling over into the adult industry in a BIG WAY ... because sales of redneck-themed porn has nearly TRIPLED in the last two years ... TMZ has learned.

The toothless, backwoods, yokel formula has already proven to be a recipe for success in reality TV -- spawning hits like "Honey Boo Boo," "Duck Dynasty" and "Swamp People" ... in fact, MTV has already announced plans for an upcoming hillbillly-themed reality show.

Now, one of the biggest websites in porn is also recording record sales in the hillbilly/redneck genre (there's a XXX genre for everything) ... and it credits the boom in sales to the bumpkins on the "mainstream" side of the things.

TMZ spoke with a rep for GameLink.com, who tells us the company has seen a 250% increase in Southern, white-trashy porn titles since 2010 ... when the redneck reality shows began to take off.

In fact, we're told prior to the release of the reality shows, hillbilly porn was one of the site's worst-sellers. But now, Southern-themed titles like "Hillbilly Honeys," "Real White Trash" and "Ozark Sex Fiend" are RISING AGAIN ... with no signs of slowing down.

Redneck porn -- no teeth? No problem.

Trey Songz Arrested for Assaulting a Woman with $$$

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Throwing dollar bills at a woman (aka MAKING IT RAIN!!!) seems harmless, but it got Trey Songz arrested for assault in New York recently ... TMZ has learned.

Songz (real name Tremaine Neverson) had an album release party on August 21 at a gentleman's club in Queens. According to police, somewhere between 4:00 and 4:15 AM on the 22nd, Trey became involved in an altercation inside the club.

Cops described the incident this way in the criminal complaint: "Tremaine Neverson, did throw a sum of United States currency at the complainant and said sum of United States currency struck the complainant's left eye causing substantial pain to her left eye."

It is unclear if the woman in question was ... how do we say this nicely ... a stripper.

Songz was not arrested that night, but rather a month later for misdemeanor assault. Songz had a court date in NY on November 1 and an order of protection was issued. He is due back in court in February.

We reached out to a rep for Songz, but have yet to hear back.

Justin Bieber Unloads Pet Hamster On Screaming Fan

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Justin Bieber isn't gonna win pet owner of the year any time soon, because we found out he just dumped his pet hamster on an unsuspecting fan.

We got grainy footage shot Wednesday night after Jingle Ball at the Philips Arena -- showing Bieber walking up to a group of screaming fans and signing autographs. Then, suddenly, he handed his hamster cage to a girl in the crowd, declaring, "That's all you."

It's hard to make out much more because of all the screaming, but you can clearly hear Justin tell the girl, "You gotta take care of PAC."

The girl screams back, "I WILL TAKE CARE OF HIM!"

Funny ... PAC the hamster has his own Twitter account -- with over 40,000 followers -- and his last tweet was on Wednesday ... "ATL this is gonna be fun."

Poor guy never saw it comin' ...

TMZ Photog My Mom Popped My Bug Bite with Pliers!

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*** LAST CHANCE ... THIS IS DISGUSTING ... PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK ***

You're looking at a gargantuan big bite that our photog received during a recent trip to Japan. But instead of going to a doctor, our photog had his MOM treat the bulbous fluid sac ... by popping it with a pair of pliers!

Why did he film it? Can't tell you ... but he did ... and it's super gross.

Enjoy!

Queen Elizabeth Gold Digger!

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With other European countries like Greece on the brink of financial collapse, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II checked out the gold reserves in a vault at the Bank of England in London on Thursday.

Get down girl, go 'head get down.