Chris Brown & Rihanna

Chris Brown has a message for Rihanna ... and any other guy who might want a piece of her ... back off, because "THAT IS MY P**SY!"

Chris was partying at Emerson Theatre in Hollywood early Thursday AM when he grabbed the mic from the DJ and went off on how to talk to your woman -- and the bizarre rant was all caught on tape.

Chris said, "You GOTTA say that one thing to her ... Don't make me have to tell you again, that's my p***y baby! ... so you better not give it away!"

Chris rambled on ... "So every person in this motherf**king building, if you got a bad bitch you better say that s**t to her, or she might f**k another n***a."

Another girl tip ... don't beat your woman.

Rihanna's controversial reunion with Chris Brown will end with him killing her -- at least that's the way the writers of "Law and Order: SVU" see it ... based on last night's explosive episode.

This had to be the easiest script the 'SVU' crew ever wrote ... as it copied the Rihanna-Chris saga almost exactly -- and simply changing the names to Micha and Caleb.

The first brutal domestic violence incident goes down as Micha (Rihanna) catches Caleb (Chris) hugging another woman, and says ... "Caleb, I can't leave you alone for 5 minutes without you getting trashy."

Caleb (Chris) says "Who you steppin' to?" -- then yells, "Skinny ass whore!" ... as he slams her head to the ground and punches her in the face.

Just like real life ... Micha (Rihanna) refuses to testify against Caleb (Chris Brown). The 'SVU' detectives even say at one point, "They should go on a double date with Chris Brown and Rihanna."

But the ending seemed to be ripped from a different scandal.

Caleb (Chris) and Micha (Rihanna) are having a romantic moment on a private yacht when she asks about a text message on his phone. Caleb (Chris) says, "Haven't you learned to mind your own business?"

The next scene is a reporter at a memorial for Micha (Rihanna) ... whose body was found in Bermuda ... floating next to the yacht.

Chris Brown is calling the infamous Rihanna beating in 2009 the "deepest regret of my life, the biggest mistake."

Brown told the UK Mirror, "Sometimes you row, you fight, with the one you love and things get said, stuff spirals."

He added, "But she loves me -- what can I say? I’m forgiven ... but, yes, I worked hard for it.”

You'll recall, Brown infamously brutalized Rihanna on the night of the Grammys back in 2009. He pled "guilty" to felony assault following the incident and was sentenced to probation and community service. He and Rihanna are now officially back together.

Rihanna turned 25 years old yesterday ... and she celebrated by throwing on one of her smallest bikinis and hitting a jet ski in Hawaii ... with Chris Brown.

RiRi and Brown spent the whole day together ... holding hands, jetting around in the ocean ... and probably smoking weed.

Rihanna capped off a night of partying in London with a bloodied knee after someone allegedly threw a bottle in her direction ... and screamed things at her about Chris Brown.

According to reports, RiRi was leaving a club called The Box when someone threw a bottle of Lucozade (a UK energy drink) in her direction. The bottle didn't connect, but Rihanna allegedly scraped her knee during the commotion when she brushed up against a metal shop grate.

Rihanna was in town for London Fashion Week.

We reached out to a rep for RiRi -- so far, no word back.

The way to Rihanna's heart ... is through her lungs ... 'cause the pop star says she got a WHOLE LOTTA MARIJUANA for Valentine's Day ... and she's totally stoked.

Rihanna posted her V-Day haul on Instagram ... along with the message, "Roses are green! Somebody knows how to make me happy."

The question is ... who got her the gift???

We already know Chris Brown has a California weed card -- so he can buy for HIMSELF in CA -- but it's against the law to buy pot for somebody else.

The police chief who signed off on Chris Brown's alleged community service has resigned.

Bryan Norwood, Chief of the PD in Richmond, Virginia, was intimately involved in certifying Brown's community service hours -- hours the L.A. County D.A. claims were never performed. Norwood was instrumental in removing Brown's case from the Richmond Probation Dept. and placing it squarely in his hands. Norwood also wrote a letter to the court vouching for Chris ... claiming all of his community service had been performed.

The Mayor of Richmond says his office and the Chief reached a "mutual agreement" for his resignation.

There had been speculation for weeks the Chief might have resigned to get a similar job in Raleigh, North Carolina, but the buzz in Richmond is that the Brown scandal accelerated his decision.

The judge in Brown's Rihanna beating case wants Brown to verify his hours. If he can't, he's in big trouble and his probation could be violated.

Chris Brown had another Grammy weekend filled with drama -- but at least no one was arrested this time ... or beaten. Baby steps.

Rihanna and Chris Brown's new romance has already gone to pot -- the couple celebrated CB's zero Grammy wins by hitting up a Hollywood nightclub last night ... and lighting up what appears to be a joint.

Chris and Rihanna -- who won her 7th Gram last night for her "We Found Love" music video -- dropped by Supperclub for a private party ... and according to sources inside the venue, the whole place was filled with pot smoke.

It's the first time the couple's been together on Grammy day since 2009 ... and we all know what happened then.

And there's this -- Chris was shot driving away from the club with Rihanna in the passenger seat at around 3:20 AM ... which would be a big issue if he's driving under the influence of pot -- a big issue because he's on probation for beating his passenger to a pulp.

Chris Brown and Rihanna got nice and close during Sunday night's Grammy Awards.

Fresh from wrecking his car yesterday, Chris Brown showed up the Grammys -- without Rihanna at his side -- and proved he's got a lot of nerve ... to wear an all white suit.

Chris Brown is on the hot seat after the L.A. County D.A. filed legal docs claiming he phonied most of the community service he was required to perform in the Rihanna beating case. So we gotta ask ...

The man who could have been the key to Chris Brown's demise is not entirely backing the District Attorney ... saying it's possible Chris waxed the floors at a Virginia Children's Center as part of his probation even though he never saw it happen.

TMZ spoke with Neil Cobb -- who says his statements to the media were taken out of context when he was quoted as saying, "Chris never helped me do floors at the Tappahannock Children’s Center."

Cobb says Chris never cleaned the floors IN COBB'S PRESENCE ... but it doesn't mean he couldn't have done it some other time.

"He mighta did floors ... but he didn't do it with me," Cobb said ... adding, "I never said the guy didn't do his community service."

Chris Brown's attorney is firing back at the District Attorney's allegation Chris, and others, lied about the completion of his 180 hours of community service ... and he's filed legal docs to prove it.

Mark Geragos filed his response to the D.A.'s scathing motion ... and claims prosecutors omitted some key facts.

In his docs, Geragos refutes the D.A.'s claim that "no human being ever witnessed" Chris performing community labor -- claiming Richmond's deputy police chief "observed Brown working very hard at cleaning the brush at the [police] stables."

Geragos' filing also includes invoices and checks indicating Chris paid $31,534.70 to the Richmond PD for providing security during his labor details -- which the D.A. claimed Chris didn't pay ... according to Geragos.

According to the documents ... Richmond PD's general counsel also sent the D.A. documents showing Chris did some of his required community service -- back in 2009 and 2010 -- at various police precincts.

Nowhere in the filing does Geragos refer to the Tappahannock Children's Center ... where Chris says he frequently performed odd jobs. The D.A. has questioned the bookkeeping of Chris' hours there because Chris' mom filled out his paperwork, and was once the director of the center.

Chris Brown's lawyer just went nuclear at the L.A. County D.A. ... claiming, "I have never had a client who has been tortured like Chris Brown has."

Mark Geragos was livid at a news conference at his office after today's court hearing, vowing to seek not only sanctions against prosecutors but also claiming he wants them held in contempt of court for filing false documents, accusing Chris of phonying his community service hours.

Geragos said of the D.A.'s motivation, "The D.A. is paralyzed with the thought his probation will be terminated. If that happens they won't be able to jock him around like they've been jocking him around."

The most shocking development yet in the Chris Brown probation saga ... HE SHOWED UP TO COURT TODAY WITH RIHANNA!!!!

Brown -- and the woman he was convicted of beating in 2009 -- arrived to the L.A. Courthouse together Wednesday afternoon where Chris faced allegations that he lied about completing his community service.

Rihanna sat quietly in the gallery with Chris' mom as Brown and his lawyer Mark Geragos told the judge the singer did nothing wrong.

As we first reported, prosecutors believe Chris participated in a scheme to DUPE the court by getting Virginia officials to say he completed service at a day care center that he never actually performed.

But today in court, the judge said he needed more time to review all of the evidence presented by the D.A..-- and ordered Brown to meet with his probation officer within 48 hours to discuss the situation.

The judge says he wants to hear from the P.O. after the meeting -- and scheduled the next court hearing for April 5.

Brown and Rihanna left the courtroom arm-in-arm -- and one person on the scene tell us she smiled at the singer and tried to cheer him up as they left the building.

Apparently, it worked ... 'cause Brown was all smiles as he was driven out of the courthouse.