'Real Housewife' Kelly Bensimon IN A BIKINI IS TOO Hot To Handle!

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Remember Kelly Killoren Bensimon -- former "Real Housewife of New York City"?

Three years away from TV have done a body good.

Seriously -- look at that body.

Did your mom look like that at 46?

We didn't think so.

Look away if it's too much.

Do you need a cold shower yet?

How about now?

You definitely do now.

Please come back to TV, Kelly.

... And don't forget the bikini!

Anastasia Ashley Nearly Nude Footage Stolen!

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Topless photos and videos of Anastasia Ashley are out there somewhere ... after a crook made off with a laptop containing all the revealing footage ... TMZ Sports has learned.

Sources tell us the laptop was snatched from a camera crew that had recently done a photoshoot with Ashley in Palm Beach, FL for Cheeki underwear. We're told someone broke into their van ... and stole a ton of photo equipment, including the laptop.

Ashley posed nearly nude (g-string only) at times ... but the edited final product was only supposed to imply she was naked.

Ashley tells TMZ Sports ... "There's video of me posing in compromising positions from all kinds of angles." She says the raw footage was never supposed to be seen ... but now she's worried about where it will end up.

We're told the crew filed a report with Miami Beach PD.

Ashley says the theft is "a big invasion of privacy. I'll be mortified if they get released."

Cristiano Ronaldo My Legs Are Better Than Yours

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Miley Cyrus She's Looking a Little Pasty

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Miley Cyrus donned a silver wig to match her silver pasties when she showed up Wednesday night to perform at Art Basel in Miami ... with BF Patrick Schwarzenegger in tow.

Miley performed mostly covers -- Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Johnny Cash -- and mocked her own music, saying, "You thought (Art Basel) was a respected place where you could escape me."

One thing's for sure ... the Kennedys are having fun conversations today.

Zoe Kravitz Hot American Woman

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Actress/singer Zoe Kravitz donned what barely qualifies as a bikini as she frolicked in the ocean ... Wednesday in Miami.

With a body like that, everyone is gonna go her way.

Blake Lively Total M.I.T. ... MILF-in-Training

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Blake Lively doesn't need a sexy black dress for slimming effect -- 'cause even with a big ole bun in her oven ... she's a total smoke show.

The ex "Gossip Girl" flaunted her belly at a L'Oreal event in NYC last night ... creating a dilemma for all those fans who drooled over her bod long before Ryan Reynolds knocked her up about 5-6 months ago.

The issue? You want to respect the miracle of motherhood and childbirth and blah, blah, blah -- but then this happens. Damn.

Kourtney Kardashian Breaking the Internet Is Hard When You're Pregnant

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Kourtney Kardashian had the stomach to pose naked for Dujuor magazine.

Kourtney -- who is ready to pop with her third kid -- tried to one up Kim. When you break it down limb by limb ... she really looks amazing ... shades of Demi Moore.

Your move, Khloe.

Cara Delevingne There's Enough of Me to Go Around ... And Around ...

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Cara Delevingne got something way better than a trophy at the British Fashion Awards ... she got a ton of action.

Nearly every photo of Cara -- now officially the World's Greatest Party Guest -- shows her all over a bunch of celebs. We won't spoil all of her encounters, but it seems Rihanna and Kendall Jenner were her favorite targets.

Oh, Cara won an actual trophy too -- but nobody cares ... just check out CD's celebration.

Tara Reid I May Be Wasted But I'm Not Wasting Away

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Tara Reid appears to be on a liquid diet, but she also eats a lot, and thinks all the talk that she's got an eating disorder is ridiculous.

Tara is taking a lot of flack after posting a pic of her looking uber thin. But on her way out of Craig's, Tara tried describing what she says is her healthy appetite for grub.

Problem is ... Tara can barely string her sentences together.

Craig's has good salmon ... and vodka.

Khloe Kardashian On Kim's Ass For Title of Hottest Kardashian Ass

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Watch your back, Kim ... Khloe is coming for you.

Khloe Kardashian continued her all out assault on her sister's claim to the most colossal culo in Calabasas ... as she was spotted leaving a private gym Tuesday afternoon.

The spandex-clad profile is oddly similar to the one Kim showed off just a few months back.

The question is ...

Robin Thicke's 19-Year-Old GF Couldn't Wait to Get Naked

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Robin Thicke's nude girlfriend likes being ... nude.

April Love Geary is only 19 ... she couldn't even do this legally until a year ago. Butt clearly she couldn't wait to bare arms, and legs and ...

We got our hands on modeling pics April took with famed photographer Neave Bozorgi, who has an eye for very hot young women.

It's unclear whether Robin saw the pics before he began dating April, but if he did, it's kinda like test driving a Porsche ... once you get behind the wheel, you just gotta have it.

Soccer Star James Rodriguez Declares Underwear War On Cristiano Ronaldo

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First Beckham, then Ronaldo ... now ANOTHER soccer star is getting into the men's underwear game - James Rodriguez.

The Colombian superstar who plays for Real Madrid stripped down to his man panties to model his new line of undies, J10 ... made by a Colombian underwear company Bronzini.

Seems to be a total ripoff of Cristiano Ronaldo's undie-brand CR7 ... which started as an underwear line and was so successful, it's already expanded into socks and shirts.

BTW, James and Ronaldo both play for the same team -- so, it's kinda like the Oklahoma City Thunder situation ... where teammates Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook also have competing underwear lines.

Underwear war is hell.

Jennifer Lopez Enjoy the View

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Jennifer Lopez showed off her gymnast-level flexibility as she performed on stage at Sunday night's American Music Awards ... sending a message to other pop stars -- bow down to this booty.

The 45 year-old singer performed Sunday with Iggy Azalea ... and even though Beyonce and Nicki Minaj have reached for the ass queen throne -- this ankle-grabbing move solidifies J.Lo's position.

She's still Jenny from the block ... from all angles.

Robin Thicke Who's Been Sleeping in My Bed? A Young, Hot Model!

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Robin Thicke is banging a hot model who's either 19 or 20 ... and the reason we know is that she took pics of herself in a bed ... that we found out belongs to Robin!

April Love Geary has been seen with Robin over the last few months. The model -- who said in a June interview she was 19 -- has posted photos over the past few months of rooms that match up perfectly with Robin's house.

We got pics of Robin's house from the real estate company that listed Robin and Paula Patton's home after she filed for divorce.

April posted a selfie on October 2 of her laying in bed, drinking coffee. The headboard and photo above the bed are an exact match to the ones in Thicke's bedroom.

A few weeks later, she posted a sweet shot of a bunch of roses with the caption "Look what I got." The table, the chairs, the mirror ... match, match, match.

Then on November 1, April posted another selfie ... with matches all over the place from his bathroom.

If you still have doubts, Thicke bought her this skimpy costume during a Halloween hottie shopping spree.

Where there's smoke ...

Beyonce Debuts Music Video Suck It Iggy, J.Lo and Kim!

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Brace yourselves ... Beyonce just released a new music video -- and she makes it clear ... she will NOT be outdone by Iggy, J.Lo or Kim or Nicki.

The video is for her new song 7/11 -- from the platinum edition of her self-titled album set to drop next week.

As for why she released it now ... well, the AMAs are on Sunday and she's about to get some stiff ass competition.

Are you REALLY still reading this? Watch the friggin' video!

Neymar's GF The Topless Beach Romp

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Here's proof Brazilian that superstar Neymar is winning at everything (besides the World Cup) ... his (reported) GF Serbian model Soraja Vucelic topless on the beach in Montenegro.

Soraja, who was Playmate of the year Serbia in 2011 (hey, it still counts) and Neymar have apparently gone public with there relationship recently posing for pictures together on social media.

In fact, Neymar is rumored to be so hooked on Soraja that he recently sent a private jet to scoop her up and deliver her to Barcelona before his team played in a huge soccer game against rival Real Madrid.

Judging by what we're seeing in these pictures, we can't say we blame the guy.

BONUS: Soraja bounciness on a segway below ... you're welcome.

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