Hot Mamas

With the help of her cell phone, her Majesty Kris Jenner announced her new royal title in NYC on Monday.

As queen of the Kardashian empire, the 57-year-old HBIC doesn't like to mince words.

If pregnant women were capable of jealousy, one would say Kim Kardashian and Jessica Simpson might be a little covetous of Kate Middleton's physique -- 'cause they're all due around the same time, and well, one of these things is not like the other.

The Duchess of Cambridge visited the Willows Primary School in Manchester, England yesterday ... and you could BARELY tell she was with fetus.

Kate's due to give birth to Prince William's baby in July ... the same time Kim K's due ... and Jessica is also expected to deliver kid #2 sometime around then.

Bethenny Frankel can definitely stomach a messy divorce.

While in the middle of a contentious breakup from her estranged husband Jason Hoppy, the 42-year-old former "Real Housewives of NYC" star showed off her fit rockin' bod in a blue bikini while vacationing in Miami with her daughter Bryn.

Skinnygirl for life.

The Pope's only been on the job a month ... and already he's getting touchy-feely.

Former Miss USA Ali Landry -- roughly six months pregnant with a baby boy -- visited the Vatican last week and got physical with Supreme Pontiff Pope Francis ... right in front of her husband!

OK, to be fair ... the Pope's hands-on tactics were a special blessing for Ali's unborn baby, and Vatican sources confirmed that.

Tanning Mom Patricia Krentcil wants more than a sun kiss ... she wants to get plowed in a full-on porno -- for a hefty price.

TMZ has obtained an email sent to Vivid Entertainment's Prez Steve Hirsch, in which the 45-year-old leatherette says, "I see you are trying to buy this sex tape from this Teen Mom. Well, if you REALLY want to make more MONIES, then I would agree to let you film me and all my hotness."

Krentcil, oblivious to shame, goes on: "I am far MORE popular and WAY HOTTER than Farrah!" And there's more ... "Men want a cougar and a real woman, not a teenybopper."

But sex -- and Krentcil -- do not come cheap. She makes it clear to the Vivid honcho, "Contact me back if you're ready to talk serious cash and rock the world."

Sad ending. Hirsch sent a return email, telling T.M., "Unfortunately we don't have a granny porn section on Vivid.com, but we feel your look would be perfect for radio. You could talk about everything you've ever done on a tanning bed."

It's hard for a nice piece of leather to find work.

The environmental effects wreaked on the ecosystem are still unknown after a somewhat pale Tanning Mom aka Patricia Krentcil attempted to bronze her luscious droopy topless flesh, balloon knot belly button and tatted up vadge in an unfortunate silver bikini on a quarantined New Jersey beach yesterday.

Since getting off the hook for allegedly bringing her 5-year-old into a tanning booth, Patty -- who says she's 45 years old -- is now choosing to shrivel up like a raisin with the help of the natural sun.

Either Kim Kardashian has werewolf blood or her pregnancy has triggered a serious regrowth of body hair ... TMZ has learned.

Kim -- the Armenian poster child for laser body hair removal -- has famously zapped virtually every follicle from the neck down -- but sources close to the reality star tell TMZ, her pregnancy hormones have reawakened the slumbering beast.

We're told Kim has recently been forced to wax -- something she hasn't done in years -- and she's already made appointments to get the new hair growth re-lasered after she gives birth.

FYI, increased hair growth is extremely common during pregnancy ... Drew Barrymore even admitted she grew a small goatee while she was knocked up. It happens.

But in Kim's case ... they might want to break out the lawn mower.

Just two months after suffering a heart attack, Sylvester Stallone's unbelievable mother Jackie Stallone resurfaced on her two feet ... shopping for discount groceries at a 99 Cent store in L.A. on Monday.

Taking a cue from her buff "Rocky" star son, the on the mend 91-year-old celebrity astrologer proved to be a true fighter as she stocked her cart with cheap, healthy fruits and vegetables just weeks after her health scare.

Absolutely nothing can keep Jackie away from a good bargain.

Heather Locklear has loads of advice on how to look young ... no, it's not Botox, but it does involve a shot to the face.

It's unclear if Heather is talking about a cream product ... or just an ingredient. It's also unclear if she practices what she preaches and if it works.

The latest version of Snooki was unveiled at the MTV Movie Awards in L.A. on Sunday.

While you may only have about a month to get ready for bikini season, some of Hollywood's hottest babes are always ready to go two pieces.

How did Halle Berry's pregnant belly go from baby bump to bustin' out in just a few days? It's simple -- popcorn! Umm ... we'll let the little guy who knows zero about birthing babies explain that one.

Just like a batch of gorgeous Jiffy Pop popcorn, mom-to-be Halle Berry's baby bump is blowin' up.

While barely showing any overt signs during the last few weeks, the beautiful three-plus months preggers 46-year-old heated up the premiere of her latest bomb, "The Call", in Rio on Thursday ... and showed off her suddenly huge Halle belly.

Farrah Abraham is finally copping to shooting a full-on porn -- with A-list porn star James Deen -- but says even though it was intended for her personal scrapbook ... she's willing to sell it for $2 million.

The ex-"Teen Mom" star's reason for shooting the XXX video is simply the best ... telling TMZ she wanted to immortalize her smokin' hot 21-year-old body -- for her personal collection -- so she could look back on it when she's old.

Guess Olan Mills was booked?

Farrah, who initially denied a sex tape existed, says she's pissed at her penis-for-hire -- because Deen let the cat out of the bag ... telling our camera guy the whole staged shoot was Farrah's idea.

Farrah says she wants nothing to do with Deen now (we suspect that's mutual) and took a parting shot, telling us -- "If my ex-boyfriend Derek were alive, I would've rather it had been him with me."

Farrah's baby daddy Derek Underwood died in a car accident in 2008.

As for the sex vid going public ... Farrah says her lawyer is dealing with a porn company, and she "will not be settling for anything less than a couple million" bucks.

Kim Kardashian gets almost as many headlines as that other Kim -- so, we're thinking Kim Jong Un should just get knocked up by a rapper. Beats launching World War III ... just sayin'.

Bogus sex tape peddler Farrah Abraham just can't hide it anymore ... her breasts that is.

Abraham went frolicking on an L.A. beach earlier today in a barely-there bikini, where she celebrated the imminent release of her totally-staged "sex tape" with porn star James Deen.

TMZ broke the story ... Deen blew the lid off Farrah's sex tape plot yesterday ... telling us he was approached by a porn company to stage the sex tape over the weekend ... and that Farrah was behind the whole thing.

And we're not complaining ... at all.