Humor

Show me the trophy!!!!

That's Cuba Gooding Jr. in the Pittsburgh Penguins locker room Sunday night ... leading the victory celebration after the team clinched the Stanley Cup!

Question is ... what the hell was Cuba doing there???

No one seemed to mind -- in fact, it looked like the players got a kick out of Cuba belting out a shouting rendition of "We Are The Champions."

Seriously, we have no idea why he was there -- but who cares ... CUBA!!!!

Kevin Hart has some sound and effective advice for Justin Bieber and all other vertically challenged males who find themselves on the receiving end of a punch.

We got the 5'4" actor in NYC Thursday and he has 2 surefire ways to thwart an attack by large men.

J.J. Watt threatening to fight Carrie Underwood's hockey player husband??? That happened ... sorta.

It was all part of Watt's big comedy bit at the CMT Music Awards Wednesday night -- when Watt jokingly hit on a bunch of hot married famous chicks ... including Carrie. It culminated in a funny standoff with Mike Fisher.

82-year-old John Hetlinger just got an offer he can't refuse ... to go onstage with the wildly popular metal group Drowning Pool for an encore performance of "Bodies."

John rocked the audience of "America's Got Talent" with his rendition, and now Pool guitarist C.J. Pierce is trying to track down the grandpa.

The goal is to get John to Chicago for the Open Air Festival in July. C.J. says they'll cover John's travel and beer expenses ... and whatever else it takes.

A Georgia woman has her t** in a ringer over a joke Ellen DeGeneres told on her show ... in fact she's so upset she's suing the talk show's producers for allegedly besmirching her good name.

In a segment called "What's Wrong with These Signs?" Ellen showed a real estate sign advertising a broker named Titi Pierce. Ellen assumed -- as we would -- it was pronounced "titty," but Titi says, "as grammar dictates," it's pronounced "Tee Tee."

Pierce says in her lawsuit ... no one has ever made such an error in her 35 years on planet Earth. As such, she's suing for defamation and invasion of privacy.

The realtor says, to add insult to injury ... she was on her way to a funeral when the segment aired and she got lots of mocking calls on her cellphone. She also says "The name-calling led to immediate ridicule and raucous laughter from the show's live and television audiences."

Pierce says she's suffered emotional distress, embarrassment and anger.

Josh Mankiewicz has been a "Dateline" correspondent for a hundred years, so who better to ask for the definitive playbook on offing your spouse?

We got Josh and his wife, Tee, Monday night leaving Bouchon in Bev Hills, and for some reason our photog wanted to know a foolproof way to do in the one you love(d).

BTW ... Josh and Tee got hitched 3 weeks ago.

Miss California's famous father -- singer-turned-pageant-dad Gerardo Mejia -- thinks the Miss USA judges gave his little girl the short end of the stick with the hardest question of the night.

Yeah, Gerardo, who you definitely know from the '90s hit "Rico Suave" -- is now the personal valet for his daughter, Nadia ... carrying her luggage, getting her coffee and prepping her for competitions. He tells us he helped her brush up for Sunday's Q&A by covering topics like immigration and Nadia's Latina heritage.

But he thinks the judges unfairly tossed her a major curveball about economic inequality -- and her stumbling response has gone viral. He notes they asked the military woman a military question, and another contestant about who had her vote.

Nadia shook it off and still finished in the top 5 ... so, Gerardo's more proud than pissed. He says she plans to milk her moment for all it's worth. It's worked for others.

And now, because we know you've been humming it in your head ...

Jason Derulo is having no problems as a single man ... because at least one woman was almost clawing at him to get his attention ... and she did.

Jason was at Members Only Day Party in Hollywood Sunday night, when our photog asked him about the spate of recent breakups. He says he feels everyone's pain, but that pain was quickly abated when 2 women jumped in his whip.

You're about to witness the sheer majesty of a 6'8", 355 pound man straight GETTIN' IT.

The man is former NFL stud Bryant McKinnie ... who joined the Miami-Dade Police department for a Running Man Challenge vid that proves size doesn't matter when it comes to turning up.

McKinnie steals the show wearing his U of Miami colors and DWARFING every other cop in the shot ... but we still gotta give major kudos to the MDPD ... who have some mighty fine dancers.

NeNe Leakes' recent stand-up gig was interrupted by a guy who decided to bust out a seriously raw marriage proposal ... for his gf, not NeNe.

The 'RHOA' star was performing at The Comedy House in Columbia, SC when the smooth audience member handed NeNe a note asking if he could borrow the stage to pop the question.

Luke Rockhold is a perfectionist ... especially when it comes to sculpting male genitalia.

The UFC superstar says he's mad at himself for the makeshift dong he created for a prank he pulled on his friend during training camp. And if you haven't seen it yet ... it's pretty hilarious.

Long story short ... Luke decided to mess with a friend who passed out while suntanning -- and cut out a silhouette of a penis to put on his back ... to create a penis-shaped sunburn. Hilarious.

Problem is ... Luke says he coulda done better.

This is pretty funny ... unless you're Jose Bautista.

MLB star Rougned Odor hit up the Dallas Mavericks practice facility ... and completely mocked the instantly-legendary K.O. moment with Bautista -- using Dirk Nowitzki as his punching bag.

Clearly, the fight is the most memorable thing Odor has ever done ... but it's interesting that he's already making light of it while STILL SERVING HIS SUSPENSION for the May 15th fight!

Chandler Parsons also joined in on the Odor fun ... posting a pic and captioning it, "Our new team security."

Spanish Math Question: What's Ocho minus Cinco?

Answer: The size (in inches) of Chad Ochocinco's member ... so says Chad Ochocinco.

Here's further proof Shaq will do just about anything to put a smile on your face ... donning a curly wig and doing some serious gettin' it for this week's episode of "Lip Sync Battle."

Shaq is taking on Aisha Tyler for the crown this Thursday -- and decided to recreate Jennifer Beals' iconic "Flashdance" scene for the win.

Check out the clip -- Shaq's moves are MVP worthy ... but the star of the show has to be the wig, which works as both a throwback to Beals' locks ... and a completely ridiculous piece of comedy.

So, this might be the weirdest and most random trolling ever ... courtesy of The Divine Miss M.

For some reason, Bette Midler decided to roast Derek Jeter over the weekend, posting this on Twitter:

"Derek Jeter is finally settling down & getting married. That’s probably gonna cut back on his dating, though."

Uncalled for, right?

We get it, Bette likes to post zingers on Twitter. But based on some quick Google searching, it doesn't appear the two are friends ... so, it seems like it's kind of an out of the blue crack.

So far, no response from Jeter -- unlike Kim Kardashian who took Bette to task when she was in Midler's Twitter crosshairs earlier this year.

Ravens rookie Kenneth Dixon isn't gonna let being in the NFL stop him from being a fan of the NFL ... saying his first order of business in the league is to get autographs from EVERY ONE of his teammates.

That's over 55 guys.

The running back from Louisiana Tech revealed this to us at LAX recently ... saying he loves the NFL so much he's gonna get every John Hancock he can while he's a part of it.

Kenneth also revealed his one rule for brand new roommate Keenan Reynolds ... and it's one we don't think the West Point grad is gonna have trouble living up to.