Jersey Shore

For the first time in 14 years, a brand new episode of "Beavis and Butt-head" premiered on MTV last night ... and the boys wasted no time crapping all over the dumbasses on "Jersey Shore."

Snooki's legal team just smoosh smoosh'd all over the website that published a false story about her -- that she was arrested in a marijuana mega-bust yesterday -- because the site has issued an embarrassing apology for the mix-up.

TMZ obtained a copy of the mea culpa -- sent to Snooki's reps earlier today -- in which the website admits, "It has come to our attention that the story we released regarding your alleged arrest yesterday was false."

The site continues, "Our actions were wrongful and reckless ... What we did was wrong. We are sorry we did it. We are sorry for the attention it brought you."

And the coup de grace -- "We would also like to inform you that upon your request we will no longer use nor refer to you, your name, your likeness, nor your image."

Mike Sorrentino has officially launched his brand new "Situation Nation" clothing line ... but it looks a lot less fist pump and way more "Cheeseburger in Paradise."

It seems Sitch has abandoned his bedazzled, Ed Hardy-inspired "Jersey Shore" style we've all grown to hate ... and replaced it with stuff that's obviously inspired by Jimmy Buffett's Key West leisure wear line called Margaritaville clothing.

Sitch is selling everything from lip balm ... to laundry bags ... and even $78 track jackets.

Snooki is furious with a website that posted a false story today claiming she was arrested in NJ with a TON of marijuana ... and now she's threatening to sue.

The site reported that Snooks was pulled over on a routine traffic violation ... and during the bust, cops uncovered 12 ounces of the sticky icky. Problem is, Snooki wasn't in Jersey today ... she wasn't even in the tri-state area.

Snooki was not amused ... and now her lawyers have fired off a letter to the site, demanding they remove the story, or she's gonna crush their asses in court.

Snooki's rep tells us, "The report is 100% false. As Ms. Polizzi's legal counsel is currently investigating this matter, we cannot comment any further except to assure the public and Ms. Polizzi's fans that this story is a complete fabrication."

So far, the story is still on the website.

Stay tuned.

The Situation's word is his bond -- weeks after the "Jersey Shore" star threatened to sue some guido-themed lifestyle company for ripping off his "GTL" trademark ... his lawyer filed a seething lawsuit to put the company out of business.

TMZ broke the story last weekend ... Sitch fired off a cease and desist letter to a website called MyGTLFuel.com -- which sells everything from energy shots to tanning lotion -- claiming they better quit exploiting his trademark ... or they'd face legal action.

Well, MyGTLFuel hasn't gone anywhere ... so Situation filed suit earlier this week -- asking a judge to force the site to cease all GTL-related operations and destroy any infringing merchandise.

Dana Valentino -- who owns GTL Fuel -- tells TMZ, The Situation has no case -- insisting the "Jersey" star has applied for the "GTL" trademark, but doesn't outright own it ... yet.

The Situation had himself a situation -- someone was using his trademarked GTL phrase without permission -- so he had his lawyers make the copycat web site disappear.

The site in question was called MyGTLFuel.com -- which claims to "manufacture products to energize and enhance your lifestyle."

The Sitch and his brother/business partner, Marc Sorrentino, felt it came too close to their GTL trademarks -- so they had their lawyers draw up a cease and desist letter.

The letter worked and the site is down -- though a Facebook page still remains. The Sorrentino boys still want the bogus site to fork over any profits they made off the GTL trademark and are currently working towards a resolution.

Yes, she's still alive -- and to prove it, disgraced "Jersey Shore" star Angelina Pivarnick is suing the girl who allegedly attacked her at some mall in Staten Island last year.

Angelina's lawyer Stephanie Ovadia filed the lawsuit last week in New York -- claiming some 20-year-old girl named Kelsey Balzafiore beat the crap out of Angie at the Hot Topic inside the shopping center.

TMZ broke the story ... Kelsey was arrested for misdemeanor battery after the incident -- for allegedly punching Angelina's friend -- but now, Angelina says she was also the victim of Kelsey's fists of fury.

According to the suit, Kelsey "assaulted, battered and harassed" Angelina -- and as a result, the former "Jersey" girl "was wounded, bruised, and injured and sustained severe shock to her nervous system."

Angelina is also suing Hot Topic for having crappy security. She wants unspecified damages.

Calls to Hot Topic were not returned.

The "Jersey Shore" virus is spreading ... and no country is immune -- because Israel has a Snooki of their very own ... but she's adamant about one thing -- she's no "f**king whore!!"

Her name is Lihi Griner -- she came in second on "Big Brother: Israel" -- and she's an aspiring reality train show wreck ... who's hoping she can one day out-trash The Snook.

In case you forgot why she's on "Jersey Shore" ... Deena Cortese launched into an all-out verbal onslaught last weekend in Connecticut -- ripping apart a nightclub bouncer for booting her out of the VIP -- and TMZ has obtained the footage.

Deena was at The Alchemy in New Haven for a paid appearance -- but once her scheduled 2-hour hosting gig ended, sources tell us a bouncer asked her to make room for paying guests.

We're told the bouncer tried to physically guide Deena out of the VIP section -- and the "Jersey" star flipped ... unleashing foulmouthed mayhem.

According to sources, Deena eventually calmed down and hung out in the non-VIP with the riffraff. Calls to the club were not returned.

Having a hard time achieving that special shade of orange that Pauly D rocks every week on "The Jersey Shore"? Well the guido himself is lending a hand ... with his own line of tanning products.

Pauly is partnering with Devoted Creations Inc. for his own exclusive line of tanning lotions and sunless products -- which will be sold in high-end professional salons throughout Seaside Heights the world.

According to our sources, Pauly D is a 50/50 partner in the deal ... so he stands to make a boatload of cash ... if all goes to plan.

The products are expected to be released in the next two months.

Despite being her usual lovely shade of orange, Snooki looks a lot lighter.

The 23-year-old "Jersey Shore" star appeared slimmer at an event in Atlantic City this weekend (left) than she was just over a year ago (right).

Gym, tan, cardio!

Snooki swears she's NOT an Obscene person ... but she claims the Obscene Jeans company used her name to promote the brand anyway ... and now the MTV star is calling them out.

It's all over a press release Obscene sent out Monday -- announcing a new product placement deal with Celeb Branding, LLC to "outfit the female cast members of 'Jersey Shore' in its hottest new fashions." The statement mentions Snooki, Jwoww, Deena and Sammi by name.

But Snooki's rep claims Snooki has NOTHING to do with the company and it had no right to use her name.

The rep tells us, "The inclusion of Ms. Polizzi's name in the announcement was unauthorized. Ms. Polizzi has never been approached by the company."

The Situation is expressing some serious remorse for parking his Ferrari in a handicapped spot in NJ yesterday ... telling his inner circle he was simply in a rush to get to the bank before it closed.

TMZ spoke with sources extremely close to the "Jersey Shore" star who tell us Sitch is "very sorry" for taking the spot ... especially after learning about the TMZ video which shows a handicapped person who was forced to park further away from the bank.

One source tells us, "Sitch was in a rush to get to the bank before closing time because he is only in town for a few days -- and in his haste he did a sloppy parking job."

The source adds, "He understands that's not an excuse."

So, we gotta ask ...

So a handicapped person drives up to a bank in New Jersey yesterday, hoping to park in the handicapped spot -- only he can't because THE SITUATION'S FRICKIN' FERRARI IS IN IT!!!!

TMZ has obtained footage ... showing the displaced handicapped guy using his cane to navigate around Sitch's expensive sports car.

The Situation is returning fire in his war with Abercrombie & Fitch -- claiming the clothing company has repeatedly tried to exploit his good name -- and now, he's demanding they BACK THE HELL OFF.

You'll recall ... the conflict began last month, when A&F publicly offered to pay The Situation NOT to wear their clothing. Days later, Sitch claimed he never received such an offer.

What's ironic ... A&F has previously marketed t-shirts clearly inspired by "Jersey Shore" -- including one that reads "GTL Fitch" and another that reads "The Fitchuation" -- and Sitch believes last month's offer was nothing more than an elaborate publicity stunt to trade off his good name.

Now, Sitch's lawyers are saying enough is enough ... firing off a cease and desist letter to A&F on Wednesday -- demanding the clothing company yank the t-shirts from their shelves.

Sitch also wants all the profits A&F made off the shirts -- insisting his company MPS Entertainment owns the trademarks ... and the clothing co. is infringing on them.

According to the cease and desist, A&F has until Tuesday to respond -- or else.

Another big breakup on the "Jersey Shore" ... this time Snooki has kicked her BMW to the curb in exchange for a much BIGGER ride.

TMZ has learned Snooki just drove off the lot of a Long Island Cadillac dealership in a brand new Escalade.

One source close to the Snook tells us Snooki's new ride came with some pretty sick black alloy rims (pictured above).

After the deal, Snooki went to her Twitter and wrote, "Bye beamer, my poor frankie, love you always!"

No word on how much she paid for the car -- but it probably doesn't matter much ... those kids are frickin' loaded.