Kim Kardashian Pregnant

Stop what you're doing ... put down the Cheetos ... and listen to the magic that is Ray J as he sings about banging Kim Kardashian ... 'cause TMZ has the first clip.

Ladies and gentleman ... we give you 30 seconds of "I Hit It First." You're welcome.

Now that you've listened -- and let's be honest it's pretty catchy -- remember why we've gathered here today ... so Ray J can remind Kanye West he's getting nothing but sloppy seconds​.

Kim Kardashian's NOT a food-shoveling, 200-pound, fatso -- and Kim is telling friends the proof isn't in the pudding ... it's in the yogurt.

We're told Kim went to the doctor last week for a checkup, and she weighed in at 151 lbs ... way less that the 200 lbs the tabloids claim.

And there's even less. We're told she's gained a grand total of 23 pounds from the time Kanye West impregnated her.

Although there's an epic headline from one of the tabs -- "I Can't Stop Eating!" -- we're told a lot of this is just plain made up. Por ejemplo ... "In Touch" ran a cover pic showing Kim shoving ice cream in her mouth. Fact is ... the pic was taken in Monaco in 2009, when she was relatively tiny.

And our Monegasque (Google it) spies tell us ... the cone is not topped with the fat stuff ... it's dairy free, sugar free yogurt with fresh strawberries. Sounds disgusting.

Perhaps as a proverbial, pudgy middle finger to the tabloids who have mocked her pregnancy weight gain, Kim Kardashian put her baby bump on full display on Instagram today.

Ray J wants Kanye West to know ... when it comes to Kim Kardashian, Kanye's getting sloppy seconds ... because he hit it first.

As you know, Ray J famously had his way with Kim in the epic sex tape, "Kim K Superstar."

TMZ has obtained some of the hysterical lyrics to Ray J's new song, "I Hit It First," which will be released next week ... and they're awesome!

She might move on to rappers and ballplayers
But we all know I hit it first.

I had her head going North and her ass going South
But now baby chose to go West

No matter where she goes or who she knows
She still belongs in my bed.

We're told Ray J is making a music video featuring a Kim look-alike -- pre-pregnancy, we presume.

Kim Kardashian won't let anything get between her and a delicious plate of Mexican food -- just ask the cops who were called in to help her satisfy a pregnancy craving ... safely.

Kim Kardashian was faced with a choice the likes of which haven't been faced since Sophie -- papas or paparazzi.

Kim joined her sisters for what was supposed to be a delicious lunch at Casa Vega in the Valley Thursday ... but the pesky pappers were blocking her entrance and wouldn't follow instructions to "MAKE A HOLE!"

As the smells of the fried burritos and chimichangas wafted to her waiting SUV, Kim made the hardest decision since agreeing to let Ray J really have his way ... She left.

Kim Kardashian is a 200 lb monster who's shoveling down so much junk food ... she got dumped by Kanye West -- according to some ridiculously creative magazines, anyway.

See, pregnancy can be entertaining! Unless you're Kim.

Kim Kardashian is not going to attend the first day of her divorce trial ... but it turns out she's not needed.

Kim has a commitment for an appearance in New York City for her perfume line on May 6, the opening day of her courtroom face-off with Kris Humphries.

Kim's lawyer filed legal docs asking the judge to move the trial up to May 3 so she could attend, but the judge wouldn't allow it because of a schedule conflict.

But sources say the solution is simple. Kris has the burden of proving fraud in his annulment request, so he's first up in calling witnesses, and Kim won't have to take the stand until day 2 or 3.

It was a battle of the baby bulge on Wednesday, as maternity fashionista Kim Kardashian bedazzled on the streets of NYC -- while Jessica Simpson shopped in her comfy sweats in Los Angeles.

So we gotta ask ...

Kim Kardashian says, even with pregnancy, she's only up to 140 pounds -- which very few people believe. So, step right up and play the game that's not sweeping the nation! (Prizes not included)

Mom jeans and stretch pants be damned, because Kim Kardashian isn't letting a little thing like carrying an unborn child to term stop her from wearing skin tight uncomfortable leather maternity dresses.

By the grace of God, the 32-year-old mom-to-be somehow managed to stay upright in a pair of sky high stiletto heels and successfully wedge all of her childbearing hips, ass and thighs into a form fitting mustard yellow sheath while maneuvering through the streets of NYC on Tuesday.

Kris Humphries is true to the adage, Hoops before Hoes ... and that's precisely why he was a no-show at Kim Kardashian's deposition.

You'll recall ... Kris' lawyer, Lee Hutton, talked about Kris' constitutional right to look Kim in the eyes as she testified under oath about their short-lived marriage.

So why, you ask, did Kris miss that golden opportunity? Sources close to the BBaller tell TMZ ... Kris had practice and travel obligations Tuesday, as Kim sat for her marathon, 9-hour depo. He had just finished a game Monday night in Michigan, had practice Tuesday and was traveling later that day to Dallas for a Wednesday game.

We're told Kris is adamant about one thing -- attending the May 6 trial, even if it conflicts with the playoffs. So hoes don't always come in second.

Kim Kardashian secretly sat for her deposition Tuesday in L.A. ... and she testified under oath that when she accepted Kris Humphries' proposal of marriage and when she said "I do," she really did love him.

TMZ has learned ... the deposition was taken at the offices of Kim's lawyer ... disso queen Laura Wasser (the pic was taken on their way in). It lasted 9 hours.

Kris Humphries' lawyer probed for evidence that Kim defrauded Kris and only married him to goose ratings for her reality show, but we're told Kris didn't make any headway. He's shooting for an annulment based on fraud, but sources say the depo didn't help his case.

Get this ... Kris did NOT show up for the depo. His lawyer made a big stink in court that Kris had a right to be there. He didn't even have a game on Tuesday.

As for the reality show ... we're told Kim testified it played no part in her decision to tie the knot. Other than that, we've learned Kris' lawyer, Lee Hutton, did not ask much at all about the reality show and whether it was staged. Hutton has made numerous threats that he would blow the lid off the reality show during the trial, so it's surprising he virtually ignored it in Kim's depo.

Kim has been gunning for a divorce for almost a year-and-a-half. The trial is set for May 6.

Jumping on the Michelle Obama hair trend, Kim Kardashian temporarily diverted attention from her growing baby bump -- and signature badonkadonk -- and let her newly chopped sexy bangs take center stage as she crossed a street in Beverly Hills this weekend.

A deposition has surfaced in the Kim Kardashian/Kris Humphries divorce in which the producer of Kim's reality show confesses Kim re-shot her reaction to Kris' marriage proposal ... problem for Kris -- it kills his fraud case.

According to the depo transcript -- obtained by Life & Style -- when Kris proposed to Kim on "Keeping Up with the Kardashians," a producer says Kim was "completely surprised" and didn't give a good reaction, so she asked that it be re-shot.

2 big problems for Kris:

1. Kris is alleging Kim fraudulently induced him to marry her. Since he proposed and she was surprised, it means it positively wasn't a grand scheme to dupe him.

2. Kris clearly knew she re-shot her reaction, so no matter what, he was in on everything.

Short story ... give it up Kris.

Kim Kardashian likes her windows like she likes her men ... the darker the better ... but moments ago, her tinted windows got her in trouble with the cops ... TMZ has learned.

KK was pulled over in Calabasas earlier today while on her way to the Kardashian family compound.

But this story has a happy ending for Kim -- we're told the cops only gave her a warning ... NO TICKET.

Kanye West had similar luck in January, when cops pulled over Kanye for speeding and tinted windows ... but let him go with a warning.