Kim & Kanye Bougiest Pre-Wedding Fete Ever Thanks, Valentino!

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Kim Kardashian and Kanye West prepped for their wedding by lunching in the French countryside ... AT VALENTINO'S FREAKIN' PALACE!

Say what you want ... that's pretty baller.

The legendary designer hosted a luncheon for the bride, groom, and family members ... at his Chateau de Wideville -- and of course, the meal was accompanied by a full photo shoot.

FYI ... Valentino's crib is only about 27 minutes from Kim and Kanye's next stop -- Versailles.

Khloe Kardashian Shows Up at OTHER Palace Prepping for Kim's Wedding

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Khloe Kardashian high-styled it outside Paris Friday ... hours before her sister Kim ties the knot with Kanye West.

Khloe -- who by the way looks great -- was at Château de Wideville posing in the gardens.

She was there with Kim, Kris, Kendall AND ... Valentino.

As we reported ... after the ceremony there will be a reception, but the big bash is Saturday in Florence at Fort Belvedere. There will be a second event in Florence, but Kanye is keeping details top secret.

Brody Jenner Sorry Kim, I Gotta Work This Weekend

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While the rest of the Kardashian Klan is keeping up in Paris for Kim and Kanye West's wedding ... stepbro Brody Jenner isn't going, and he finally revealed why.

Brody and his gf Kaitlynn Carter were doing lunch in Malibu today when he shot down reports he's bailing on Kim because Kaitlynn wasn't invited -- instead he says it's just because he's gotta make some cash.

Brody's got a DJ gig in Chicago.
But you gotta see how he answers -- 'cause we want to believe him, but it's hard to buy he needs the money so bad ... that he'd skip a party as big as Kim's wedding.

Then again ... it is her THIRD time.

Kendall Jenner to Fans Watch My Ass It's Saying Thank You

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Kendall Jenner definitely knows how to celebrate milestones on social media. Right after ringing up 10 million fools followers on Instagram -- she posted a video that would make R. Kelly proud.

What? We mean she did a little bump and grind. Sickos.

Jonathan Cheban Bodyguard Punches Knife-Wielding Guy ... Over Sushi [VIDEO]

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TMZ has obtained video of reality star Jonathan Cheban's bodyguard socking an aggressive stranger in the face.

Cheban ... a fixture on "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" ... was grabbing a late dinner with his bodyguard and 3 friends at Sushi Couture in Brooklyn Sunday night when a random stranger started heckling Jonathan.

We're told Jonathan Instagrammed he was at the restaurant ... then a preppy-looking dude with a knife hanging off his belt approached his table, but was blocked by bodyguard "Sal the Contractor." The guy even followed Jonathan to the bathroom.

Sources in the restaurant tell us the instigator waited until the end of the night, to lunge at Jonathan as his entourage got up to leave. That's when Sal slammed a punch into the dude's face, as our video shows.

We're told the guy backed down and left after the punch. Smart.

Bruce Jenner I'm Off to Give Kim Away ... Again

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Kim Kardashian's wedding is so important to Bruce Jenner ... he's taking a golf hiatus so he can fly to Paris and give her away.

Bruce just arrived at LAX to take an Air France flight that will get him to the City of Lights 2 days before Kim tests the third time theory. Apparently no one's superstitious ... Bruce walked Kim down the aisle the last time around.

Bruce and Kris are living solidly separate lives, but they're still tight and he's still the patriarch.

As for Bruce's son Brody ... we're told he's not following dad to Paree.

Kanye West Rage Flare Up with Photog Don't Talk Lingerie with Kim!

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Kanye West almost let a French photographer ruin his wedding week ... because he nearly blew up when the guy made a crack about lingerie to the bride-to-be, Kim Kardashian.

Kim and Kanye were swarmed by fans and paparazzi while window shopping in Paris Monday ... and as they walked past a lingerie shop one photog blurted out, "Underwears, very beautiful!"

That's when Kanye flashed THAT look. But watch the vid ... this time he holds back from a full eruption.

But the best moment was when Kanye actually cracked a smile and agreed to autograph a pair of Air Yeezy sneakers for a fan -- only to burst the guy's bubble by telling him his kicks are fake!

Quel dommage.

Rob Kardashian I Know I'm Fat, Stupid

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Rob Kardashian says he's a fully grown man and doesn't need blogs to tell him he's fat.

Rob is scoffing at reports that he checked into fat camp and rehab to lose the lbs. He tweeted, "Then why am i still fat u fools??"

This photo of Rob leaving LAX for Kim's wedding in Paris Sunday triggered all the hubbub. He says, "I don't believe in rehab or therapy or anything of that sort."

As for losing the weight, he says, "I'm a grown man and will work on myself when i choose," adding, "I'm aware that I'm fat that def aint a surprise to me lol and my only therapy will be in the gym ..."

You got it, dumbbells?

Kardashian Girls File Criminal Battery Report Over Confetti Attack!

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Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian have basket balls ... they've actually filed a battery report claiming some clown dared to make it rain all over them -- with confetti.

The "attack" occurred last month. Richie the Barber -- who by the way gives an awesome haircut -- was riding his unicycle on Melrose when he spotted the chicks. Richie, who often juggles bowling pins while riding his contraption -- made a beeline for the girls and dumped confetti over their heads.

Khloe and Kourtney didn't see the humor, and immediately filed a police report. Our law enforcement sources privately scoffed at the complaint and we're told they did nothing to pursue it because it was so frivolous.

But fast forward to 3 days ago. Khloe and Kourtney followed up and told cops they wanted to pursue criminal charges.

So we're told detectives then called Richie and asked him one question: "Were you trying to harm them by throwing confetti." Richie said he meant no harm and only threw the confetti bomb to "congratulate them on their success."

We're guessing the case will now take a fast train to nowhere. Richie didn't sound too concerned yesterday when he told us about the run-in with K&K.

Kim Kardashian Ray J's Porn Profits ... The Wedding Gift That Keeps Coming

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Ray J is sending Kim Kardashian and Kanye West a huge check for their wedding -- even though his invitation was lost in the mail (as in it never existed) -- but the gift is his share of profits from the sex tape with Kim!

We're guessing Yeezy would prefer a blender. Or leather jogging pants.

Rob Kardashian I'm Flying My Trainer to Paris

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We busted Rob Kardashian's chops for packing on the pounds -- but the guy IS trying to streamline before Kim's big day ... so we're now told.

Celebrity trainer Gunnar Peterson is flying to Paris to train Rob and Khloe Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, he tells TMZ. Gunnar says Rob was training 5 times a week, but then slowed to twice a week 2 weeks ago because of other commitments.

As Peterson says, [I'm} the gatekeeper of Rob's workouts, not the gatekeeper of his life."

Ray J Wedding Gift for Kim PORN PROFITS!

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It may be the most awesome wedding gift of all time ... Ray J is giving Kim Kardashian and Kanye West a $47K check ... representing 4 months of his 2014 profits from the epic porn tape with Kim.

It's breathtaking on 2 levels -- that Ray J has such humongous cajones, and that the tape is still raking in a fortune after 7 years.

Here's the breakdown of the wedding gift. Mind you, this is just Ray J's cut:

-- January $6,135.60
-- February $20,097.31
-- March $9,674.76
-- April $10,931.52
-- TOTAL: $46,840.13

Now get this ... sources from Vivid Entertainment tell us the tape has grossed $50 MILLION!

Remember, we're told Kim gets AT LEAST as much as Ray J, though we don't know exactly how much.

We've reached out to Kim to see if she'll accept Ray's gift, but so far no word back. We're told ... if she doesn't want it he'll donate the money to her favorite charity.

Ray J -- yes, that's his wallet AND he's happy to see you.

Kendall Jenner Billboard Awards Disaster I Can't Read Good

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Kendall Jenner was doing just fine during her introduction of 5 Seconds of Summer during last night's Billboard Music Awards ... when suddenly words became her enemy and the whole thing went to hell.

Jenner got through the first part without a hiccup, but suddenly got thrown off track ... which led to her blurting out, "Guys, I'm the worst reader!"

Jenner took to Twitter afterwards and seemed to blame her eyesight for the debacle, writing, "Anndddd as if I wasn't nervous already!!!! #NeverLeavinMyContactsAtHomeAgain! #LOL #LessonLearned"

Better luck next time.

Kim and Kanye's Wedding Surrounded By Famous Bushes

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Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's wedding has everyone at the Palace of Versaille in hush-hush mode ... but after some digging, we got to the bottom of what's going down at Louis XIV's crib.

The Palace of Versailles has 5 spaces available for events ... but our sources say Kim's tying the knot in a place only a few others have occupied -- which we believe is the palace's Orangerie.

The Orangerie has been the backdrop for a few huge nuptials ... including one of the most expensive ever. Steel magnate Lakshmi Mittal rented the space for his daughter's ridiculously lavish wedding at a cost of $141,000.

It's around 350 years old, with two huge staircases -- famously named the "One Hundred Steps. The world-famous garden is filled during the summer with more than 1,200 exotic trees. Louis XIV said the garden was as important to him as the castle itself.

Coincidentally, the Orangerie opens for events on May 20th ... just days before the couple will tie the knot.

Kendall Jenner Has a Pimple

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Kendall Jenner's perfect life hit a speed bump -- in the form of a zit.

KJ's slight imperfection was on display Friday at LAX ... proving she's just like every other 18-year-old.

And then she most likely hopped in her luxury SUV and drove to her mansion to nap on a bed of money.

#fml

Kim & Kanye We're Marrying at Versailles Let Them Eat Cake!

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Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have zeroed in on one of the most opulent places in the world to tie the knot -- the Palace of Versailles outside Paris.

There are reports that the couple will tie the knot in Florence, Italy ... in fact the Mayor's office even went on record confirming that.

But sources familiar with the wedding plans say it will absolutely take place at Versailles, following nearly a week of parties all around France.

A total of 3 French kings lived there and the palace and gardens are world famous to this day.

Versailles is where Louis XIV famously lived in the 1600s. It's also where Marie Antoinette lived with her hubby Louis the XVI and was trashed for her lavish lifestyle. She famously said "Qu'ils mangent de la brioche" -- translated, "Let them eat cake," referring to the common folk who bitched at her.

We gotta say ... it would be slightly awesome if Kim said it during the reception.