TMZ TV

TWO MILLION butt aficionados can't be wrong ... which is why fitness model person Jen Selter has become the Internet's reigning QUEEN OF ASS!

And she'll have no trouble holding the title -- if she avoids dairy and spicy foods.

There was one easy way Justin Bieber could have avoided getting busted in Miami -- and we mean besides skipping a night of alleged drinking, drugging, and racing.

No, the real trouble with JB started 3 years ago ... during a helicopter showdown.

Paris Hilton flaunted her latest super expensive luxury ride -- a sweet red Ferrari -- and that got us thinking: Just how many cars have parked in Paris' garage?

Might be a classier way to word that ... but you get the point.

John Legend got to perform at Michelle Obama's birthday bash -- while his wife Chrissy Teigen got to take home a grotesque bruise she blamed on dancing. Thing is ... no one's buying that story, and the White House ain't talkin!

We smell coverup.

Justin Bieber was all about the Washingtons when he rolled into a famous Miami strip club -- spraying down the ladies with crazy stacks of one dollar bills ... $75,000 worth to be exact!!

Think of all the nursing school tuition he just covered. What a giver ...

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson should have no problem finding someone to do windows at his house if he keeps handing out new SUVs to housekeepers.

Now, THAT is major boss swag, Rock. Major.

Michelle Obama's 50th birthday party guest list was packed with huge celebrities -- but none bigger than the guest of honor herself ... 'cause everyone knows it's impossible to steal a First Lady's shine!

Actually, it does kinda depend on which one you're talking about.

Seeing the ladies from SWV back together is like a time machine -- shooting you straight back to the early 90s for a little ... "I get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak."

Aww yeah ... they're still awesome! And we still can't sing.

Kate Gosselin won't be dragging her 13-year-old daughters out on TV anytime soon -- not after the twins logged on to zipit.com just as she needed them to start blabbing.

Revenge. A dish also served quietly.

Andi Dorfman isn't just another bimbo fighting for a rose on "The Bachelor" -- she's a bimbo with a law degree! Ok, maybe she's not a bimbo, but she definitely doesn't mind acting like one.

Exhibit A ...

Justin Bieber learned a hard (boiled) lesson -- cracking eggs on a neighbor's house ... makes cops scramble ... and gets your friends busted. For drugs.

But if ya love puns ... egg raids can be fun! For everyone but Lil Za.

Han Solo's hairy sidekick Chewbacca was extremely tight with Princess Leia during filming of the "Star Wars" flicks -- at least that's how some new behind the scenes pics make it seem.

Sure, it's damn near bestiality ... but it beats kissing your sister. Right, Luke?

Jennifer Lopez agreed to give an up and coming singer a shot in the biz as long as he sent her multiple pics of his penis -- at least that's what the guy is claiming in an hysterical new lawsuit.

Yeah, it all smells a little catfishy to us too.

Sean Penn and Robin Wright both flaunted their post-divorce lovers all over Hollywood over the weekend -- giving us the perfect chance to play everyone's fave game: Who'd You Rather?

Special rebound edition!

Justin Bieber's egg bombing of a neighbor's house might seem like an innocent teenage prank -- except for the fact Bieber is a 20-YEAR-OLD MAN.

Which means Justin's now on the path to becoming a hardcore thug! Maybe. Probably. Okay, definitely.

Cameron Diaz is not down with hair loss of the vagina -- at least not permanently -- and she wants women everywhere to be ready when the big bush era returns.

Apparently men don't get a vote on this issue.