With her buxom non-biodegradable body parts spilling out onto the sand, bikini-clad reality star of yore Heidi Montag backed her thang up to a photographer's camera on the beach in L.A. on Thursday.

Keeping our shores clean really needs to be a priority.

Former reality trainwreck Heidi Montag took a break from living in obscurity to wash up on the beach with all her augmented fake body parts in a skimpy red bikini in Santa Monica on Wednesday.

The 26-year-old former "The Hills" star -- who infamously had 10 plastic surgery procedures in one single day back in 2009 -- did some of her best acting while hamming it up for the cameras on the sand.

Who needs a lifeguard when you have built-in triple D floatation devices at all times?

Coming up on the main stage ... Heeeeeeeidiiiiiiii Montag!!

TMZ has learned ... The former MTV reality star has struck a $25,000 deal to appear at the Crazy Horse III strip club in Vegas on October 19 ... but there's a pretty big catch.

Montag -- and her G-cup boobs -- will not be getting naked. So, patrons will only get a chance to throw money at giant unfamous boobs that night. 

Montag was only hired to host the club's 3rd Year Anniversary Party.

Sources at the club tell us ... Spencer will accompany Heidi to the gentlemen's establishment.

Fun Fact -- the club will be serving sushi that night.

Former "Hills" villain and half of one-time reality TV D-list supercouple Speidi ('memba them?), Spencer Pratt proved he's even larger now (left) than in his 2009 heyday (right) as he left a gas station in L.A. on Tuesday.

Look out K-Fed, because this is how Spencer rolls.

Now this is painful -- TMZ has learned, "Relationship Rehab" producers approached Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt to work out their issues on the show ... and the couple flat-out rejected their offer.

Speidi's reasoning -- they're actually on great terms ... and don't have any issues to work out.

Sources close to Speidi tell us, the couple was initially intrigued -- thinking the show was actually about working out together ... as in yoga, or something like it. They had no idea it was for couples with real issues.

We're told the couple felt the money wasn't great either, so they passed on the show. Spencer and Heidi turning down a chance at spotlight ... we're speechless.

For a second it seemed to be 2009 all over again, as once famous famewhores Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt (Speidi, anyone?) pretended to not know they were being photographed as they did something -- in this case, act all lovey dovey while skiing down a mountain -- on Thursday.

Seeing "The Hills" dynamic duo again makes one feel really thankful for the "Jersey Shore."

Spencer Pratt is telling friends he DOES NOT owe hundreds of thousands of dollars to his former agent, despite reports to the contrary ... because he's NEVER had an agent!!!

TMZ spoke with sources close to Pratt ... who tell us the couple worked with a lawyer when they were negotiating their deals for "The Hills" back in the day ... but they never involved an agency. We're told Spencer insists the lawyer was paid IN FULL.

We're told Spencer is now studying political science at USC ... and at the moment, he isn't actively pursuing work in Hollywood.

As for Heidi, one source told us she DOES have an agent -- whom she pays -- and she currently has "a couple of projects in the works."

Everyone's favorite loveable d-bag Spencer Pratt is getting rid of one of his biggest assets -- and it isn't his buxom wife Heidi Montag ... it's his tricked out monster truck.


Pratt's 1990 Chevrolet C/K Pickup 2500 truck is currently on sale on eBay for $5K and has 177,000 miles on it.

While Mr. Montag recently spent $11K to rebuild the engine, he says he's selling it "because it gets too much attention driving a monster truck around L.A."

Without his truck and "The HIlls" off the air, Spencer should have no problem going unnoticed.

Spencer Pratt is persona non grata on set at Heidi Montag's new show "Famous Food" ... TMZ has learned -- in fact, we're told producers are so serious ... they issued an all out ban on the reality star.


Sources connected with the restaurant-themed VH1 reality show tell TMZ, Spencer's been banned from the set since day one -- and Heidi herself AGREED to the injunction.

We're told producers were adamant ... Spencer wasn't allowed on the set, near the set, or to be involved in any way whatsoever -- and not wanting bad blood ... Heidi agreed to keep her man at bay.

We're told Spencer has behaved himself so far -- but we're not getting our hopes up.

As if there weren't enough problems in the Middle East ... TMZ has learned Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are about to get on a plane bound for Abu Dhabi.


Spencer tells TMZ, their bad ass friend -- MMA fighter "King" Kevin Casey -- will be throwing down at the Abu Dhabi Martial Arts Tournament on April 14 ... and they'll be ringside cheering him on.

Spencer adds, “Heidi and I are both so excited to visit the Middle East and even more thrilled to watch King Kevin Casey smash his opponents.”

No word on when the couple is expected to return ... but please, we insist ... no rush.

Spencer Pratt's chicken wing rap has a leg to stand on after all -- because the honchos at KFC just put a sweet offer on Pratt's table ... involving his song, a music video, and Colonel freakin' Sanders!!!!



TMZ has obtained a letter KFC President Roger Eaton sent to Pratt this week offering the lyrical genius (Pratt?) a sweet partnership with the company.

In the letter, Eaton says, "We heard the song came out before it was fully cooked, and that you were just winging it as a first cut. So on behalf of the entire Kentucky Fried Chicken family, we want to make you an offer so good you can't resist."  Chicken puns ... free of charge.

Eaton continues, "We're willing to help you tune up the track and even turn it into a tasty music video, featuring the Colonel himself. That is, if you're not chicken."

Spencer afraid of a little attention? His response to the letter was, for once, simple -- "My dreams have come true!"

One man's dream ...