Nurse!

Forget Magnums ... Eli Roth's strapping up with extra small rubbers these days ... thanks to a nasty bite from an OCTOPUS in Hawaii.

Eli tells TMZ, he recently overcame his fear of the ocean while on vacation in the Aloha State -- following a terrifying sea urchin attack in 2010 -- and decided to test the waters with a sea scooter expedition.

But curiosity got the best of him when he reached out to touch a baby octopus ... and the 8-legged bastard bit him on the pinky.

Eli -- the man behind the new Netflix series "Hemlock Grove" -- says his finger bled profusely for hours after the bite, and now he's gotta keep the wound covered with little pinky condoms until it heals.

And the best part, if he ever runs out ... he can always ask Justin Bieber for spares.

Paramedics rushed to the White House today -- the TV version -- when actress Jackée Harry took a nasty spill on the set ... TMZ has learned.

Sources on set of the sitcom "The First Family" tell us Jackée was preparing to shoot a scene with a magician when she slipped and fell.

After the fall ... Jackée -- who plays the First Lady's sister-in-law -- had some back pain and went back to her trailer to get off her feet.

We're told producers called paramedics, as a precaution, but when they checked out the actress they found everything was in one piece.

The magician was able to avoid injury, of course.

Kendra Wilkinson was in surprisingly good spirits today in L.A. ... smiling and laughing just days after she totaled her car in a nasty car accident.

As we reported, Kendra was hospitalized following the accident over the weekend -- when her tricked-out Audi collided head-on with another vehicle.

Kendra was bruised and battered after the accident, but thankfully, doctors didn't find any broken bones.

Now she's back on her feet -- venturing outside with her husband Hank Baskett -- and told us, the whole nightmare actually has a silver lining ... watch the video to find out.

Clint Eastwood's wife Dina has checked herself into rehab for help with depression and anxiety ... TMZ has learned.

Dina, who stars in her own reality show with Clint's daughter Francesca -- "Mrs. Eastwood & Company" -- entered an exclusive facility in Arizona ... sources close to the family tell us.

We're told she is NOT being treated for substance abuse.

Clint and Dina have been married since 1996 and have a 16-year-old daughter, Morgan, who also stars in the reality show.

Clint is no stranger to the treatment facility circuit - He's a major donor to a hospital in Monterey, CA ... which named its youth program after him. The program specializes in teen drug, alcohol and mental health issues.

Jerry Ferrara's like the Kobe Bryant of rec league basketball ... and not in a good way ... 'cause once again, dude left the court with a pretty nasty injury.

The former "Entourage" star was limping out of RivaBella in Hollywood last night ... when he explained how he busted his ankle on the hardwood this week.

Ferrara even posted a pic of his black and blue limb so everyone could share in the disgustingness.

But it ain't the first time Jerry's busted himself up on the court -- just last year his face was gashed open when he caught an elbow to the face.

... nothing a couple of shots of Avion can't help.

Former "Baywatch" star Nicole Eggert absolutely destroyed her back on that diving show "Splash" -- but based on the pics of her injuries ... her nearly naked butt came out perfectly fine. Very fine.

THE BAD NEWS: Nicole Eggert suffered gnarly injuries as a result of her failed high-dive on the set of "Splash" -- her entire backside was battered and bruised as the pictures so vividly show.

We broke the story ... the "Baywatch" star was filming the finale and attempted multiple back flips and landed squarely on her backside. EMTs helped her out of the pool and she was taken to the hospital.

The bruising was so severe, Nicole was tested for kidney damage. So far so good.

Kendra Wilkinson is out of the hospital, shaken from a weekend car wreck ... and her tricked-out Audi is in even worse shape ... check out the photos we got.

The former Playmate was hospitalized Sunday after what was described as a nasty head-on crash in the San Fernando Valley. Kendra was bruised and battered but doctors found no broken bones.

Cops tell TMZ ... the person Kendra hit has neck and back injuries.

The initial investigation shows Kendra turned left in front of a car that had the right of way -- in other words, it looks like it's her fault.

The wife of former NFL player Hank Baskett dropped out from the ABC diving show "Splash" ... because she was scared of getting hurt.

Hollywood pin-up legend Angelyne -- known as the original Paris Hilton (famous for being famous) -- has finally hit rock bottom ... tripping and falling HARD in Beverly Hills on Friday.

Don't worry ... she didn't appear to be injured -- and she actually looked pretty good for a person who just face-planted in front of the paparazzi.

And just in case you're thinking to yourself -- "Who the hell is Angelyne?" ... she was a fame-whoring, attention-starved socialite who got sorta famous back in the '80s for putting up a bunch of billboards of herself all over L.A..

Nicole Eggert found comfort on dry land by doing a little shopping with her daughter yesterday in Los Angeles.

As TMZ first reported, Eggert was rushed to the hospital from the set of the reality show "Splash" this week after she attempted a dive that required multiple backflips and she landed ... back first.

Eggert was in good spirits after, tweeting, "The ER is always fun."

Even if Maksim Chmerkovskiy does want to dance with stars again, the Ukrainian pro needs ankle surgery before he can even consider a return to "Dancing with the Stars."

As TMZ first reported, Maksim sat out the most recent season to pursue other entertainment gigs ... so far he's got an appearance on "General Hospital" to show for it.

Sources tell us, producers at "DWTS" desperately want Maksim to return to the show next season. But sources close to Maksim say that won't be possible until he gets surgery on one of his ankles.

We're told the wear and tear of working with untrained dancers each season has taken its toll Maksim (as opposed to dancing with another pro, which is way easier).

ANOTHER celebrity injury on the set of "Splash" -- TMZ has learned Nicole Eggert was hospitalized yesterday after bungling a high-dive and brutally back-flopping into the pool during a taping of the ABC show.

Sources tell us ... the "Baywatch" babe was trying to execute a dive that included multiple backflips ... but something went wrong, and she went crashing into the water back first ... hard.

We're told the impact looked so painful, on-site EMTs rushed in to pull the 41-year-old out of the pool ... and she went to a nearby hospital for treatment.

Sources tell us ... Eggert didn't break any bones, but docs wanted to make sure she didn't suffer internal injuries from the impact -- they're monitoring her kidneys in particular. Eggert was released from the hospital after a few hours.

It ain't the first time a star has fallen on the show -- Chuy Bravo 86'd himself from the competition after fracturing his heel during diving practice ... and Katherine Webb bowed out earlier this week thanks to a back injury.

Rory Bushfield had ruptured his eardrum during a dive gone wrong a few weeks ago ... but refused to quit the show.

A rep for Eggert had no comment.

Something's going on with Lindsay Lohan ... because healthy 26-year-olds don't bruise like this.

The shots were taken Tuesday in Venice, CA, while she was on a pre-rehab shopping spree with lil' sis Ali.

We've seen Lindsay bruised before ... but nothing like this. She had bruises at Coachella and in Brazil but these are definitely worse.

Just two months after suffering a heart attack, Sylvester Stallone's unbelievable mother Jackie Stallone resurfaced on her two feet ... shopping for discount groceries at a 99 Cent store in L.A. on Monday.

Taking a cue from her buff "Rocky" star son, the on the mend 91-year-old celebrity astrologer proved to be a true fighter as she stocked her cart with cheap, healthy fruits and vegetables just weeks after her health scare.

Absolutely nothing can keep Jackie away from a good bargain.

Debbie Rowe and Paris Jackson went to the hospital together this past Sunday ... but the significance is more personal than medical.

Sources connected with the once estranged mother/daughter tell TMZ ... they were "hanging out" at Debbie's ranch when one of Debbie's neighbors was thrown from a horse and injured.

Debbie and Paris took the neighbor to the hospital and waited there to make sure he was ok.

Our sources say the two have been hanging out "a lot recently" and they've gotten very close.

You may recall ... shortly after Michael Jackson died, Debbie was given visitation rights. Our sources say Debbie did not exercise those rights for a long time, because she wanted her contact with the kids to be genuine and not forced.

Preppy Ralph Lauren should stick to yachting ... because his driving sucks ... according to a new lawsuit.

Ralph invited Oprah to his opulent, well-decorated Colorado Double RL Ranch back in 2011. One of them had a bright idea -- doing an interview in his vintage 1948 Jeep ... which we're guessing smelled like perfumed potpourri.

A guy who was outfitting the whip with microphones was working near the back bumper when Ralph took the wheel and suddenly shifted into reverse ... violently striking him -- at least that's what he alleges in a new lawsuit.

The dude -- who worked for Harpo -- says he suffered injuries to his head, body and limbs, muscles, tissues, nerves and blood vessels in his head. He wants more than $50k to cover his troubles and is suing both Ralph and Harpo.