The Kardashians

Kim Kardashian is a serious new author … of a coffee table book filled with 352 selfies -- which might not seem like the most complex piece of literature.

Unless you're the "Rich Kids of Beverly Hills" … who, for some reason, will be first in line for an autographed copy. Why? They explained, but we still don't get it.

Kylie Jenner turned 17 and celebrated in true Kardashian style with a genital-themed cake, much older men, and guys offering her bottles of liquor.

Did we mention the dong cake? KJ's big sisters must be so proud.

Kim Kardashian stepped out of her New York City apartment Monday afternoon with a slew of fans waiting to catch a glimpse of her ... including Officer Staresalot over here.

But really ... he's doing NOTHING wrong. In fact, he's supposed to be watching her ... and he is.

A thief broke into Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick's rented home in the Hamptons -- stealing a briefcase stuffed with CASH -- and sources close to the family tell TMZ they think it's an inside job because this is the third time the family has been hit.

Southampton Town Police say Scott reported a briefcase filled with $4,000 was pilfered from their bedroom ... sometime between July 1st and 4th.

According to cops ... nothing else was reported stolen and there was no indication of forced entry. Our Kardashian sources tell us ... Kourtney suspects the culprit is someone close to them.

The reason for her suspicion ... Kourtney reported a similar theft in February at her home in Calabasas ... after someone snatched $50K in cash.

Kylie Jenner celebrated her 17th birthday this weekend with all sorts of friends, including 34-year-old rapper The Game ... everyone holding full bottles of liquor.

TMZ posted video Sunday of Kylie grabbing a bottle of tequila from 24-year-old Tyga. You don't see Kylie actually drink it ... but what 17-year-old turns down good booze?

Then there's the photo Wackstar posted on Instagram ... showing him, Justin Bieber (who's 20), The Game and Kylie all posing ... with Game and Bieber holding a bottle of liquor.

Bruce Jenner was busted by both the cops and his son Sunday night.

Bruce was driving on PCH in Malibu and doing a little quien es mas macho ... squealing his tires, and cops noticed. The squad cars lit up and Bruce was pulled over.

Turns out Brody Jenner was right behind and aimed his cell phone camera right at dad.

Cops told Bruce he had committed the crime of "Exhibition of Speed" -- aka showing off. They gave him a warning and let him go.

Rapper Tyga jumped the gun by 4 years Saturday night ... offering Kylie Jenner a shot of tequila for her 17th birthday.

You clearly hear Tyga offering booze to the teen. You can also see Justin Bieber and Kendall Jenner.

They're not in the video ... but The Game and Chris Brown were also on hand.

For what it's worth ... you don't see Kylie drinking. But c'moooon!

Someone in the Bradley County Sheriff’s Office in Tennessee has just learned Photoshop ... mocking up a pic of Kim Kardashian as a meth head in a "scared straight" gallery.

The Drug Enforcement page on the Sheriff's website features a photo gallery showing the effects of meth use. Most of the "after" photos look like "Walking Dead" extras.

We rang up the good folks in Bradley County and they claim they had no idea Kim was part of the gallery. They say it was the brainchild of a volunteer who's no longer with them.

12:35 PM PT -- The sheriff's site has now been taken down and replaced with, "Under Construction."

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are buying a baller estate for mega-millions ... TMZ has learned.

Real estate sources tell us ... Kim and Kanye are in escrow for a 3 1/2 acre estate in Hidden Hills ... 5 minutes from Kris Jenner's house in Calabasas where they're currently living.

We're told K & K paid $20 million ... the house was listed for $21 mil.

It has 2 pools (one with a slide for North), 2 vineyards and a 1,050 square foot entertainment pavilion. Real estate people in the area call it "the jewel of Hidden Hills."

We're told Kim has been eyeing the home for months, telling people it's her dream home. And get this ... Kim and Kanye have been going back and forth to check out the house ... on Vespas from Kris' house to keep a low profile.

We're told escrow is set to close at the end of the month.

The estate was once owned by Lisa Marie Presley.

The duo used to be besties. One of the most epic videos TMZ ever shot was when Paris took her new best friend Kim -- whom we had never seen before -- to Hyde back in 2005. They sauntered past Paris' enemy/former BFF Tara Reid ... who defeatedly watched from behind the velvet rope as the duo entered.

But Kim got famous -- even more famous than Paris -- and the relationship went in the dumper. In 2008, Paris bashed Kim during a radio interview saying her butt "looks like cottage cheese stuffed in a trash bag."

Kanye even performed some of his songs -- including "Black Skinhead"

Bloom arrived once Bieber was already inside -- and according to Page Six J.B.'s people put the screws on organizers to keep Orlando out. The actor never got inside.

So sad.

Rob Kardashian's downhill spiral was triggered by Lamar Odom ... but we've learned it had nothing to do with Lamar's drug use ... it was all about fatherly abandonment.

Sources connected with the Kardashian family tell TMZ ... Rob was devastated when his dad -- famed O.J. lawyer Robert Kardashian -- died back in 2003. We're told he took it much harder than his siblings and never really got over it.

When Khloe married Lamar ... the bballer became a father figure to Rob. Sources close to Khloe tell us Rob thrived around Lamar, inspiring him to start a business and get in awesome shape. They became best friends, but Rob idolized him.

Khloe has said on the Kardashian's show, Rob's recent troubles were triggered by the dark things that happened in the house. But we're told it's not about drugs -- Lamar compartmentalized his drug use and mostly kept it out of the family home. We're told Khloe was referring to the arguments and breakdown of the marriage.

Our sources say when Lamar cut off the entire family and went radio silent ... Rob went into a tailspin because he felt abandoned by the only person who measured up to his dad. And that's when Rob got deep into lean and other drugs, which resulted in a dramatic weight gain.

Khloe Kardashian clearly blames Lamar Odom for contributing to her brother's drug problems -- and says she feels guilty for not being able to protect Rob from L.O.'s influences.

As we previously reported, Rob had gotten deep into sizzurp and weed -- and his family was pushing for him to go to rehab.

Now, Khloe is talking about Rob's issues -- and without specifically mentioning the drugs -- says Rob's problems stem from the time he lived with Lamar Odom, who has serious drug problems of his own.

"Rob has said, 'Being in that house it was so dark and it made me do dark things,'" Khloe said on "Keeping Up with the Kardashians."

Khloe added ... "Only Rob and Lamar know what happened in the house and know what's going on."

Kim Kardashian and step-bro Brandon Jenner had an illicit make-out session ... so intimated Brody Jenner, but in reality we've learned there's less here than meets the eye.

Our Kardashian archival sources tell us ... the "kiss" went down when Kim was around 11 and Brandon was 12. Fact is ... Kris and Bruce weren't even married at the time, but they were dating.

The kiss was part of a Truth or Dare game, and it was more like a peck on the lips.

Wow ... Kim learned a lot since she was 11.