Nurse!

Soap star Crystal Hunt destroys faces and dreams according to the woman she attacked this year ... now she's paying out ... but it seems like a drop in the bucket.

The "One Life to Live" actress went to town on Elizabeth Nam during a bar brawl, cracking a bar glass on her face, requiring doctors, plastic surgeons and even a shrink.

You'd think the bills, along with her pain and suffering, would be in the tens of thousands of dollars.

But a criminal court judge just ordered Crystal to pay a measly $3,600 to Elizabeth in restitution. It's unclear why the amount is so low.

Crystal has pled no contest to assault, and has been placed on 3 years probation and ordered to perform 45 days of community labor.

Sounds like Elizabeth got hit ... and then slapped in the face. But Elizabeth can still file a civil suit.

One of the NHL teams hit by the mumps outbreak is north of the border right now ... potentially exposing opponents to the virus -- but Canadian health officials are pretty damn laid back about the risk.

As we previously reported -- players from the Anaheim Ducks, Pittsburgh Penguins, Minnesota Wild, NY Rangers, and NJ Devils ... have come down with mumps in recent weeks. The Ducks played Tuesday night in Toronto ... and are taking on the Montreal Canadiens Wednesday night.

TMZ Sports spoke to the Montreal Dept. of Public Health, and shockingly ... officials say they haven't reached out to their hometown team, or any visiting teams to discuss preventing the spread of the virus.

Health officials in Winnipeg -- where the Jets are getting ready for a road trip to play the Wild -- gave us a similar response.

Mumps -- a painful swelling of the salivary glands -- spreads fairly easily from coughing, sneezing or kissing ... and enters the body through the eyes, nose, or mouth.

The clinic where Joan Rivers' throat procedure turned deadly ... just filed a plan to make a slew of major changes to avoid getting shut down by the feds.

According to docs obtained by TMZ ... Yorkville Endoscopy is responding to flaws found by the Department of Health and Human services ... by making several upgrades to its procedures.

Among the changes:
- Stricter procedures to credential physicians and observers who are admitted into operating rooms
- The clinic has to perform a full assessment of a patient's weight, allergies, and medical history before administering Propofol
- Supplemental oxygen should be routinely used and immediately available for patients sedated with Propofol
- Anesthesiologists must check vital signs at least every 5 minutes for patients sedated with Propofol
- Unscheduled drills to resuscitate patients using defibrillators/crash carts will be run 4 times a year

Most of the changes relate directly to problems the agency found at the clinic while investigating Joan's death. The Dept. of HHS has signed off on Yorkville's plan.

Yorkville officials had been given a January deadline to get this done ... or the feds could have closed down the clinic.

Charlie Sheen could just attach a DVD of Steve Martin in "Little Shop of Horrors" to explain his defense in a lawsuit claiming he assaulted a dental technician ... because the actor blames it all on the gas.

Sheen just filed legal docs responding to a lawsuit filed by Margarita Palestino, who claims Charlie grabbed her boob and came at her with a knife in October as he sat in a dental chair.

She told cops Charlie's bodyguard claims the star was high on rock cocaine at the time ... something Charlie and his team vehemently deny.They say he was on meds for a shoulder injury and had an adverse reaction to the nitrous, causing him to flail around and accidentally knock over a tray of tools.

The new docs don't mention the shoulder meds but do say he had an adverse reaction to the gas.

Charlie's lawyer says the technician is not only making up stories ... she got fired because she violated HIPAA laws by telling her son Charlie was in the office.

Scott Stapp is circling the drain ... it's incredibly sad and extremely evident from 4 recent recordings which show the desperation of the former Creed frontman.

Clip #1 Stapp made a desperate 911 call last month from the side of a Florida highway, telling the dispatcher he's trying to dodge a group of people out to kill him.

Clip #2 In the same conversation, a panicked Stapp tells a dispatcher 15 vehicles are following him and he's been on the run for 36 hours straight.

Clip #3 Stapp placed a call to the dean of his kid’s school last month, warning that ISIS will attack the people of Florida, and he knows that because the terrorists are members of his family.

Clip #4 Stapp accuses his wife Jaclyn of stealing his truck. The singer claims his wife has blackmailed him, saying she will ruin his career if he blows the whistle on her to cops.

As we reported, Stapp's wife claims Stapp is deep into drugs and is trying to get him committed to a psych hospital for 60 days.

According to our sources, Miley had a simple outpatient procedure to remove a cyst that had been giving her problems for sometime. We're told it's a one-time thing and will not require any additional procedures.

Miley Cyrus was hospitalized Friday night for what looks like some kind of weird flesh wound on her wrist ... and she quickly posted pics of the injury -- with a twist.

The 22 year-old singer snapped a photo in an L.A. ER, presumably of the wound -- but just like the rest of her Instagram ... she photoshopped a happy face.

We're told it was a hospital in Tarzana -- the San Fernando Valley -- and she was there Friday afternoon. We don't know what caused the injury.

Miley also posted a pic of herself wearing the gown and noted how hipster it made her look.

"Teen Mom" star Ryan Edwards was involved in a scary car crash Friday in Tennessee that left him bloody on the side of the road -- and despite the gory scene ... he managed to avoid any major injuries.

Chattanooga PD officials tell TMZ ... 2 vehicles crashed into each other head-on last night -- and right now the cause is still under investigation.

However multiple witness tells us they saw Ryan swerve across double yellow lines -- while apparently speeding -- and smash into another woman's vehicle.

The other driver was taken to the hospital by ambulance. Ryan refused ... instead opting to have a friend pick him up at the crash site.

Angelina Jolie's officially a scratch from all her upcoming media events ... because she's come down with a case of chickenpox.

Angelina just posted a video announcing she will be "home itching" instead of walking the red carpet Monday night in Hollywood for "Unbroken" -- which she directed. The 39-year-old says she was diagnosed Thursday night.

As for how Angie caught the pox -- she's not saying, but c'mon ... she's got 6 kids. One of those buggers must've been carrying.

This caps off a real crappy week that included leaked emails -- sent from mega-producer Scott Rudin to Sony honcho Amy Pascal -- blasting Angelina as a "minimally talented spoiled brat."

Angelina had an awkward run-in with Pascal Wednesday morning. We're not saying Angie was out for revenge, but Pascal might want to get a checkup.

Scott Stapp's downward spiral continues ... he has lost custody of his 3 kids.

A Florida judge has ruled ... the former Creed frontman's soon-to-be ex-wife Jaclyn will have sole legal and physical custody of their 3 kids. There's no indication from the ruling that Scott even gets visitation.

The judge also ruled Scott has no right to stay in the family home -- it's exclusively for Jaclyn and the kids.

Scott has been off the rails for a while ... Jaclyn says he's delusional because he's taking a pharmacy of drugs, including coke, weed and meth. She's trying to get him involuntarily committed for 60 days.

"Happy birthday to you ... happy birthday to you ... happy birthday dea ... OH MY GOD YOU HAIR'S ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!"

Ohio State football coach Urban Meyer had a minor emergency at his wife's 50th birthday dinner this week ... when she went to blow out the candles and accidentally set herself on fire.

The moment was captured on camera by her daughter Nicki who wrote, "You know you're 50 when your hair catches on fire. Shelley Meyer girl on fire. Literally. The most beautiful mommy in the world! Never a dull moment. #typical"

Don't feel bad Shelley ... you're not the first person this happened to -- just ask Skrillex ... who set his locks on fire during a bday celebration last year.

[h/t BroBible]

Scott Stapp threatened to assassinate President Obama ... and his alarmed wife and sister-in-law made a desperate 911 call to stop him.

Scott had just gone AWOL from a mental facility late last month, when his sister-in-law told the 911 dispatcher he was cruising around his neighborhood, shirtless on a bicycle. She says the former Creed frontman claimed to be a CIA agent and his mission was to kill Obama.

Stapp claimed in a rambling video the IRS is trying to ruin his life because he's been trashing Obama.

Jaclyn Stapp, Scott's wife, joins the 40-minute 911 call, telling the dispatcher Scott had printed out 400 - 600 pages of CIA documents which he supposedly found online, put them in a book bag and took off on his bike.

The 2 women were pleading with the dispatcher to snare Scott and take him back to the psych ward.

As cops were dispatched, Scott placed his own 911 call, saying his wife had stolen his truck and that's why he was on a bike.

When cops arrived Scott told them Jaclyn had pilfered $6 mil from him, and when he confronted her she decided to get him locked up. In the end, police determined Scott did not show enough signs of mental instability to warrant a psych hold.

TMZ broke the story ... Jaclyn has filed legal docs trying to get Scott on a 60-day psych hold, claiming he was deep into various drugs, including coke, weed, PCP and amphetamines. Scott posted a video claiming he's drug free.

11:13 AM PST -- Roper's motion was denied ... because he waited too long to file docs asking for the case to be delayed.

The truck driver who maimed Tracy Morgan in that horrible car accident is scoffing at Tracy for claiming financial hardship, saying Morgan was certainly rich enough to afford a limo at the time of the crash.

It's pretty incredible. Tracy and the other victims are suing Walmart, claiming driver Kevin Roper caused the accident because he was sleep deprived. Roper has filed new legal docs, asking the judge to include him in the case so his rights are not compromised.

Roper is also asking to put the brakes on the civil case until his criminal case runs its course. Morgan wants to press ahead with the case because he needs the money from a judgment, presumably since he can no longer work.

Roper seems to say in legal docs ... Morgan's financial woes don't hold a candle to his. And his evidence of that is the fact that Morgan was being driven in a fancy limo, and Roper's just a truck driver.

One person died in the crash.

Roper may not have to worry about paying the rent, because if he's convicted of death and assault by auto he could get 30 years in prison.

Ray J's ex-girlfriend who threatened suicide Wednesday was pushed over the edge after she found out Ray was nuzzling up to the modern day Helen of Troy ... Karrueche Tran.

Cops were called after Princess Love called Ray and threatened to shoot herself. A short time later she called him back and said she would not go through with it.

As we reported ... Ray broke up with Princess Love Tuesday night after a big fight. Now we know where he went afterward.

Ray went to a studio to shoot a New Year's Eve special for BET. Karrueche was also on the show and Ray hung out with her until 4 AM. We got a couple of pics which show they were definitely getting along.

Unclear if there's a relationship, but it's definitely a good start.

Looks like Ray J's doing some damage control ... he posted a pic with Princess Love late Wednesday night with a very poor choice of words in the caption.

Ray J frantically called 911 Wednesday and told the dispatcher his girlfriend said she was going to kill herself.

According to our sources, Ray J broke things off with Princess Tuesday night. We're told she was incessantly texting him after he left for work today, and when she didn't hear what she wanted from him she threatened suicide.

We're told Ray J knew there was a gun in the house, so he took the threat seriously. Ray J noted to the dispatcher, their good friend Earl Hayes just committed a murder-suicide ... and that put him on high alert.

TMZ Sports has obtained new pics of Cam Newton's truck -- which show just how bad it was banged up in Tuesday's wreck.

After the collision, which occurred right near Bank of America Stadium in Charlotte, Cam's Dodge Ram 1500 truck was hauled to a nearby tow yard.

Sources tell us the truck sustained so much damage from the rollover crash, it's considered a total loss.

It's fortunate Newton didn't have a passenger in the car -- because as you can see in the photo, the roof on the front passenger side caved in when it rolled over. Witnesses say the car rolled at least 2 times.

The truck was not your average Dodge Ram -- we're told it was pimped out especially for Cam ... with a custom lift job and other cool features.

Of course, Newton walked away with only minor fractures in his back -- but he's gotta be bummed to lose the ride.

Mary Ann Mobley -- one of the first Miss America winners to make it big in show business -- died on Tuesday in Beverly Hills after a long battle with breast cancer.

Mobley won the 1959 Miss America pageant before breaking into Hollywood. She appeared in several big movies in the '60s ... including "Girl Happy" and "Harum Scarum" with Elvis Presley.

In 1967, Mary Ann married actor and TV host Gary Collins ... who passed away in 2012.

She went on to star in tons of TV shows through the '70s and '80s -- among them ... "Love, American Style," "Fantasy Island," "Diff'rent Strokes," and "Hotel."

Mobley was also famous for her humanitarian work with children in Cambodia, Ethiopia, and the Sudan.

Mary Ann's family says she will buried next week in her native Mississippi. She was 75.