Hook Ups

Breathe easy, James Deen ... Farrah Abraham is NOT PREGNANT ... not even a little bit, as far as she knows.

The "Teen Mom"-slash-porn-star pre-taped an episode of upcoming conflict resolution talk show "The Test," where producers convinced her to take one -- and it was NEGATIVE. (Trust us, that's a POSITIVE).

TMZ broke the story ... Abraham said she missed her period after making her porno with Deen. She was photographed while plunking down cash for an EPT at the drug store.

But Farrah told "The Test" host Kirk Fox that she never took that test (her explanation was WAY too convoluted to make any sense ... so we're going with "not enough cameras around").

We're told Farrah reacted indifferently. We can relate.

Rocky's boxing gloves ... Dorothy's ruby slippers ... Indiana Jones' bullwhip ... the bikini Farrah Abraham wore on the cover of her sex tape -- one of these pieces of cinema history CAN BE YOURS!!! --- take a guess which.

Vivid Entertainment -- the porn studio behind the release of "Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom" -- listed Farrah's pink crystal-encrusted two-piece on eBay at midnight ... and bids started at $500.

It's pretty hilarious ... the listing advertises the Poolside Collection bikini as "used" -- we're told that means exactly what you think it means: the bikini wasn't washed since Farrah wore it. Think Monica Lewinsky and The Gap.

In fact, we're told the bikini shows overt signs of wear, including fake tan stains and glitter from Farrah's body lotion.

As the listing goes ... "Farrah's bikini ... straight off Farrah's body and into your hands."

As if your hands won't already be busy enough.

Tiger Woods lost the shirt off his back ... and this time his ex-wife Elin Nordegren had nothing to do with it.

The 37-year-old golf star aired out his man nipples and soaked up the sun by going shirtless on his yacht in Palm Beach on Tuesday.

While his fancy schmancy boat is called Solitude, Tiger spent the afternoon lounging and fishing with his two adorable kids and his sexy bikini-clad girlfriend Lindsey Vonn yesterday.

Newly minted porn star Farrah Abraham is so worried James Deen knocked her up while filming their infamous sex tape ... she peed on a stick.

Sources close to Farrah tell TMZ ... the former "Teen Mom" star hadn't had sex in more than a year before James got her ... and the duo didn't wear condoms while filming ... and Farrah wasn't on birth control. Basically all the makings for an after school special.

We're told Farrah recently missed her period and started freaking out, thinking she was growing a little porn spawn. So she went shopping for a pregnancy test at her local pharmacy.

We're going to go to out on a limb that she's NOT pregnant ... for 2 reasons.

1. We've seen the tape, and you don't get pregnant THAT way.

Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn made their relationship red carpet official ... by holding hands at the Costume Institute Gala in NYC on Monday.

This is the sports super couple's first public display of affection since revealing they were bangin' by posting cheesy pics together on Facebook back in March.

In a glimpse of what may lie in their near future, Lindsey wore a virginal white gown as they walked down an aisle together.

Ironically, Tiger's next gig is competing in The Players Championship ... something he knows all about.

Farrah Abraham clearly has STDs on the brain ... 'cause that's all she wanted to talk about last night.

The "Teen Mom" star was outside Katsuya in Hollywood ... when we asked about her new 6-figure endorsement deal for a weight loss product.

The fun part -- we asked if she was present for lab testing (on the product) ... but Farrah thought we were talkin' about her vagina. She was very forthcoming, as usual.

Please don't squeeze the Neil Patrick Harris.

During a Race to Erase MS charity gala in L.A. this weekend, Elton John's husband David Furnish gave the "Doogie Howser" star a real helping hand ... by copping a sneaky feel of his butt.

As Sir Elton, Neil Patrick and his partner David Burtka posed for pics in a friendly embrace, Furnish tried to get away with pulling the old underhanded ass grab on NPH.

The truth always comes out in the end.

Antoine Dodson tells TMZ ... he's no stranger to the ways of the vagina ... claiming he had real-life sex with women before he switched to guys ... and says, "It was fun."

Dodson -- aka the "Bedroom Intruder" guy from YouTube -- said he's "no longer into homosexuality" ... and vows to live a straight life that falls in line with his new Hebrew Israelite religion.

We shot Dodson a few questions about his decision, here are his responses:

TMZ: "Do you believe homosexuality is a choice?"
Dodson: "I feel like homosexuality is put on people at early ages the things we see and hear and what's exposed to us."

TMZ: "How do you feel about sex with women?"
Dodson: "Sex with women is not new to me. It was fun. I did get enjoyment out of it. I was hurt by a woman as a teen."

TMZ: "Do you think homosexuality can be 'cured?'"
Dodson: "I believe when you get to a certain age, you feel different about things and things change, you begin to want more."

Dodson called into TMZ Live today...

Right before Jason Aldean filed for divorce ... the country star called the "American Idol" hottie he kissed behind his wife's back and warned her about the media firestorm to come ... TMZ has learned.

Sources connected to Brittany Kerr tell us ... Aldean placed the courtesy phone call himself last week ... and politely warned the singer that he was pulling the trigger on his marriage to his high school sweetheart Jessica Ussery.

Translation -- the media's gonna be all over your ass again ... so, govern yourself accordingly.

We're told Kerr appreciated the heads-up ... considering she was Aldean's kissing partner on the night he cheated on his wife back in Sept.

Since the warning, Brittany's been laying low -- shutting down her social media pages and staying out of the public eye.

It's not clear whether Aldean and Kerr have communicated since … or whether their relationship has a future.

There are a lot of things Louisville Cardinals guard Kevin Ware can't do since suffering one of the more gruesome injuries in sports history ... but he told our photog yesterday in DC ... he can still get down with the ladies.

And really ... that's all that matters, right?

Country superstar Jason Aldean is pulling the trigger on his marriage ... filing for divorce from the woman he cheated on at a Hollywood bar just a few months ago.

Aldean filed papers in Tennessee on April 26 -- moving to end his 11 year marriage to high school sweetheart Jessica Ussery ... the mother of his 2 children. In the docs, Aldean blames the split on "irreconcilable differences."

FYI -- the 36-year-old singer filed the divorce papers on the same day he announced he and his wife had separated. At the time, Aldean's rep had said the couple was "having problems," but made no mention of the divorce,

The problems began for Aldean when he was pictured kissing Season 11 "American Idol" contestant Brittany Kerr on the Sunset Strip in September while he was in L.A. for a concert.

Aldean and Ussery initially tried to patch things up -- and they even walked a red carpet side-by-side back in November ... but clearly, that didn't work out.

She's practically old enough to be his mom ... but that didn't stop Rod Stewart's daughter Kimberly from hopping into a car with Harry Styles last night after a romantic dinner in L.A..

There's been a lot of speculation that 19-year-old Harry has been dating the 33-year-old ... fresh off his breakup from Taylor Swift ... and it's clear from the video, something is definitely going on.

Harry and Kimberly joined Rod and his wife Penny for dinner at Dan Tana's -- and sources inside the restaurant tell TMZ, H&K were flirtatiously fooling around throughout the meal.

There are reports Harry was targeting Rod's 25-year-old daughter Ruby ... but our sources insist Kimberly was DEFINITELY the touchy one. FYI, Kimberly recently had a baby with Benicio Del Toro.

10:05 AM PT -- We just spoke to Phil's coach, who told us ... "This is a nasty custody battle, and people are gonna say things that are completely not true ... He's one of the nicest people ... he's a Christian and he's a role model. In fact, he just got back from the Dominican Republic building churches and schools."

And here's a weird one ... Vantris just posted on Facebook that it's all a lie ... saying "Those pictures are not even me ... ." Never mind that she's SAID she filed the same photos ... in court documents.

UFC star Phil Davis has a huge fight Saturday night in New Jersey, but the bigger fight may be May 7 in San Diego, where his baby mama will accuse him of crazy brutality, including violent sex ... and she blames it on martial arts.

According to legal docs -- obtained by TMZ -- Vantris Patterson claims Davis body slammed her on a couch with such force ... when the couch slid into the wall paint came off. She took pictures (below) which she claims show the injuries.

And Patterson says, Davis -- aka Mr. Wonderful -- would often choke her during intercourse, and when she'd plead with him to stop he'd respond, "Shut the f*** up, bitch."

She says Davis has threatened to kill her numerous times if she ever slept with another man.

Now here's the hook -- Patterson claims Davis' alleged propensity for violence has escalated because of his involvement in the UFC. She says, "I am afraid that the numerous fights have negatively impacted his mental stability," and she can't defend herself because of his "increased strength and attacking ability."

Davis makes his own claims ... that Patterson is the violent one who put a pic of a Glock up on Facebook and wrote, "... His day will come." He also says she texted him, "I can't wait until the day you die so I can spit in ur face [painful and slow]."

As for his MMA training, Davis says he's never used his skills outside the Octagon.

When they're in court on May 7, they're both asking for permanent restraining orders and each wants full custody.

11:30 AM PT -- Sources connected with Eva tell us, it's no big deal ... several cast members of her TV show have been crashing at her house because they don't have somewhere to stay in L.A..

Eva Longoria insists she's not dating "Ready for Love" bachelor Ernesto Arguello -- but the two are definitely LIVING TOGETHER ... TMZ has learned.

Sources familiar with the situation tell us ... Ernesto -- a 33-year-old successful civil and architectural engineer -- has been crashing at Eva's L.A. pad recently.

We also know ... Eva and Ernesto have been hitting the town together too -- hitting up Chateau Marmont on the Sunset Strip on Sunday night ... and the exclusive Soho House on Monday.

Despite the connection, Eva is adamant they're just friends -- and just yesterday she tweeted, "Sorry @ernestoarguello is NOT dating me."

But wait, there's MORE -- we also know Ernesto ain't the only dude from her dating show crashing at her house ... Tim Lopez (the singer from Plain White T's) has also moved in.

Prince Jackson stepped up his royal pimp game -- taking his Kuwaiti princess girlfriend out for a fancy Hollywood dinner ... and all signs point to the princess being impressed.

Michael Jackson's 16-year-old son and Remi Alfalah had dinner Friday night at Madeo -- some of the best Italian grub in L.A. -- and judging by the grin on her face ... she gave the date 2 royal thumbs up.

A couple weeks ago Prince and Remi were spotted on another date -- but that was just daytime bowling.

The jump to a high-priced dinner is a clear sign Prince is making, y'know ... progress.