Hot Bodies

Someone needs to tan Joel Osteen's hide ... or at least his chest, because the guy who provides holy inspiration to millions is downright pasty.

Joel was vacationing in Hawaii with his fam ... taking in a little paddle boarding.

The 50-year-old pastor -- who prayed with Nik Wallenda before and after he traversed the Grand Canyon on a highwire last month -- looked pretty fit.

He just needs a little sun to distinguish himself from the Holy Ghost.

Some kayaking lessons wouldn't hurt either, Rev. Just sayin' ...

Here's a video of some chick with a GREAT ASS ... hangin' out with Memphis Grizzlies player Austin Daye in L.A. last week.

In less exciting news, it appears Daye got a parking ticket that day ... so that sucks ... but who cares -- LOOK AT THAT BUTT!

Here she is ... 2012's hottest woman in the KNOWN UNIVERSE -- at least according to the Miss Universe beauty pageant -- and unless there are some really hot aliens out there, we have to agree.

Representing the Third Rock from the Sun in a sexy mixed-pattern bikini, 21-year-old Olivia Culpo stripped down on a beach in Corona del Mar over the weekend.

You ever hit the bars so hard, you can't walk straight, you show everyone your ass, and your boobs fall out of your dress?

Yeah ... that happened to Brandi Glanville last night.

The "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" star was stumbling around West Hollywood after what appeared to be a high-end bar crawl that started at The Abbey ... moved to Dan Tana's ... and ended at the London Hotel.

Good news -- it appears she took cabs everywhere.

Looking like a cross between Coco, Anna Nicole Smith, and two young girls who just got their hair braided on a cheesy summer vacation, Playboy's famous twins Kristina and Karissa Shannon resurfaced in L.A. recently ... or at least their tanned asses did.

Rihanna got a cold dose of reality in Poland -- when a swarm of fans made her feel like a "caged animal" at the beach.

RiRi's tiny, tiny bikini probably definitely didn't help matters.

Nicki Minaj broke all sorts of strip club rules at a gentleman's establishment in NY last night ... when she PUT HER HANDS on the girls ... and it was awesome!!!

Minaj -- along with rappers Meek Mill and Maino -- took her big ass to Perfection Gentleman's Club in Queens last night ... where she got right up to the stage and started grinding with some of the dancers.

Before long, Nicki and the staff were feeling each other down ... with Minaj tweeting, "I love bad b*tches dats my f**kin problem."

Not a terrible problem to have ...

Here's Rihanna in a tiny bikini at a beach in Sopot, Poland this weekend ... where a giant pack of Poles lined up behind a fence to gawk.

Rihanna wasn't thrilled with the attention -- actually, she was pretty pissed ... tweeting, "Tried to have a beach day, that was a fail!!"

RiRi later griped that she felt "caged in like a f**king animal!"

Fun Fact: Sopot is a popular spa town for the rich and famous ... and sports the longest wooden pier in Europe.

Paris Hilton nearly staged her own version of the iconic Coppertone ad of the 1950s this weekend in Malibu, when her adorable little dog tried to yank her cover-up right off.

Nothing we haven't seen before.

Now that the action at the All England Club has finished up, it's time to focus on the important things.

First we have Men's Champion Andy Murray, runner-up Novak Djokovic, and Spaniard Rafael Nadal ...

... followed by Women's runner-up Sabine Lasicki, early-exiter Maria Sharapova, and the ever dominant Serena Williams.

So we gotta ask ...

Proving that age is nothing but a number, 43-year-old Uma Thurman rocked a bikini while hanging with family in France yesterday ... while Paris Hilton did the same while sunbathing in Malibu.

The question is ...

Heidi Klum just posted this on Twitter ... and we have TWO fun facts:

1) Klum was born in Germany but obtained her American citizenship in 2008.
2) Who cares? She's in a bikini.

Wearing daisy dukes up to her armpits, gorgeous Victoria's Secret supermodel Alessandra Ambrosio was in bad need of some self-service yesterday in L.A. -- dropping by a local gas station for a quick refill.

Prince Harry's naked body has a very important message for you -- drinks are only £2.50 before 9PM at MANBAR, a homosexual drinking establishment in London, England.

The mural was commissioned from an artist named Mike Bliss, and was inspired by Harry's topless rugby game in Afghanistan back in 2008 -- and this poster was just erected in Harry's honor (hehe, erected).

NFL stud Eric Decker and country singer Jessie James flaunted their disgustingly perfect bods on their honeymoon ... and staked their (debatable) claim to the title of hottest married celebs.

Seriously ... Ken and Barbie should bury their heads in the sand.

Just days after tying the knot, Denver Broncos star Eric Decker and country singer Jessie James took their talents to Maui ... and DESTROYED everyone else who dared put on a swimsuit.

Seriously, these people are frickin' beautiful.

The couple married back on June 23 in Colorado after a year-long engagement.