Sex

Libraries might be outdated with their ridiculous books made of paper ... but they still make great masturbation stations for the homeless ... this according to rapper Fabolous.

Fab was boarding a flight at LAX this week ... so we obviously had to ask his opinion on America's struggling libraries ... and the rapper made a solid argument for their place in the digital age.

Sure, real books are useless now ... but if we tear down the libraries, Fab says "where else are the homeless gonna get to j**k off at, man?"

Sharon Osbourne runs a tight ship when it comes to her lady parts -- and is proudly admitting getting "excruciating" plastic surgery on her vagina ... all for Ozzy Osbourne.

Sharon copped to all sorts of cosmetic procedures in the past, but on the BBC's "Graham Norton Show" this week she revealed her crotch chop was by far the most the most painful one.

As for the results -- you gotta hear Sharon's explanation as to why it was all worth it ... at least for Ozzy.

Designer vaginas -- by vaginaplasty and labiaplasty -- have become all the rage ... and not just in Beverly Hills.

As we first reported ... Anthony Wiener's sexting buddy Sydney Leathers got snipped and plans to auction off her spare labia bits.

David Beckham claims he was the victim of a bizarre hazing ritual as a young professional soccer player ... in which he had to touch himself sexually in front of his male teammates.

It happened in 1991 -- when Beckham was just 16 -- and he says he had to stare at a photo of a famous Welsh soccer player named Clayton Blackmore and (more or less) masturbate in front of his teammates.

He said, "Everyone had an initiation that you had to go through on the youth team, that was one of the most uncomfortable ones."

He added, "I was embarrassed when I was saying it on camera let alone talking about it more. But it’s something that we all had to go through. It was definitely something I wouldn’t like to go through again!"

Dr. Dre's attack against a big website may have backfired ... the attorney for TheDirty.com fired off a letter to Dre saying what a big fan he is ... and then lumping the legendary rapper in with the likes of OJ Simpson.

It's actually pretty hysterical. A post on TheDirty claimed Dre -- who is married -- has been hooking up with a big booty video vixen.

Dre's lawyer fired off a letter to TheDirty, and we've obtained the response from the website's lawyer, and it's priceless.

David Gingras, Esq., begins by saying, "Back in the '80s I personally destroyed many subwoofers blasting N.W.A.'s 'F**k Tha Police' in my car in the high school parking lot."

Gingras goes on to say what a fan he is ... and then goes on a very sarcastic attack.

First, the lawyer challenges Dre's claim that the story is false: "Bill Clinton and Monica what's-her-name both denied having sexual relations. Of course, they were both lying. Same thing with Lance Armstrong." And then he jokes, "Other than O.J. Simpson, who was clearly framed, history is filled with examples of people who make mistakes and lie about them to cover it up."

The hired gun goes on and on, making jokes about people in Eastern Kentucky -- "cue banjo music," trashing a court decision from that region that makes it seem Dre has a case. The lawyer wrote, "If you believe the Kentucky court's decision [it's compelling] ... I also have a fabulous ocean-front unicorn ranch here in Arizona that you might want to buy."

Bottom line -- TheDirty's lawyer says the posts in question were comments from users, and the website isn't responsible.

Too $hort won't be out hunting for deals on Black Friday ... but he might be out hunting for white girls to bang ... 'cause the rapper tells TMZ, it's all part of his own special holiday tradition.

Too $hort was arriving at Bootsy Bellows ... and he told us the true meaning of Black Friday: the night all the white girls date the black guys.

The Miss Universe Organization is rife with sexual predators and deviants who prey on unsuspecting young women ... so says a pageant hopeful who claims a recruiter tried to dupe her into sex in a parking lot.

Ashleigh Blake filed a suit today against MUO over her run-in with a guy she claims promised to land her modeling jobs and magazine covers. In the lawsuit ... Blake says she met him in his car in a Starbucks parking lot ... where he explained the terms of an "oral" contract (her double entendre, not ours).

Specifically ... Blake claims he wanted oral sex in exchange for fast-tracking her to the top of the modeling world.

In the docs, Blake says she burst into tears and ran from the car. She says she went to the cops ... and was told she couldn't file criminal charges because the recruiter didn't force her to perform the sex act.

So ... she's suing the Miss Universe Organization ... claiming it knowingly hires "scam artists" who lure naive women with false promises of modeling contracts and fame.

Blake's looking for at least $200K in damages.

Darwin Vela -- the man who "disappeared" last week after evidence surfaced that a Charlie Sheen sex tape was stolen -- was mum last night on his way out of jail

Crack-smokin' Toronto Mayor Rob Ford may not look like a sex god ... but at least two adult film companies want to turn the mayor into a porno superstud ... sources in the XXX biz tell TMZ.

We've learned Vivid Radio is making an offer to Ford to star in his very own sex video. Vivid star Brandy Aniston says she came up with the idea ... and wants to co-star in the flick because she thinks "He's kinda cute, in a big, teddy bear kind of way."

Brandy better hurry up, because spoof porns are already being shot.

Adult website woodrocket.com ... has already produced a porn parody of the mayor's binge drinkin', crackalackin' life. It stars a Ford lookalike-- whose porn name is Peter O'Toole -- and porn actress Gaia ... who's starred in such classics as "Slurpy Throatsluts" and "Happy Tugs 4."

Paris Hilton never made ONE CENT off of her sex tape -- which has produced untold millions in profits ... at least that's her story.

It's a shocking statement ... given that "1 Night in Paris" has grossed tens of millions of dollars.

TMZ knows ... Paris signed off on the skin flick in 2004, but sources connected with Hilton tell us ... she claims she gave all the profits to her co-star, Rick Salomon. We know in the first year alone, Salomon reported to the IRS that he made $10 mil, and that was almost all sex tape $$$.

So the question ... why would Paris sign off on the tape if she didn't want to cash in? We can't answer that question.

The man who mysteriously disappeared last week just before he was supposed to testify in a burglary case that may involve a Charlie Sheen sex tape has just been arrested himself for the burglary ... law enforcement sources tell TMZ.

Darwin Vela and his girlfriend, Kelly McLaren, are currently in custody ... charged with breaking into the home of Nic Cage's baby mama, Christina Fulton and stealing 4 computers and other stuff.

Ricardo Orozco, Fulton's handyman, is currently facing trial for the same burglary. Vela was supposed to testify last week at his preliminary hearing, but a day before he was walking his dog and vanished.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ ... they don't believe anyone attacked or kidnapped Vela -- they think he just made himself scarce so he didn't have to testify. Our sources say they believe all 3 of them committed the crime.

Dr. Conrad Murray says he and Michael Jackson were so tight, he would hold his penis for him.

In a bizarre, rambling interview with The Daily Mail, Murray says, "You want to know how close we were? I held his penis every night to fit a catheter because he was incontinent at night."

Murray went on to say, "He wore dark trousers all the time because after he went to the toilet he would drip for hours."

And there's this mystery ... Murray says, "Michael didn't know how to put a condom on, so I had to do it for him."

Murray also discloses some of the things TMZ revealed years ago -- that Murray believes Michael killed himself. Murray claims when he walked out of Michael's bedroom the day he died, "I believe he woke up, got hold of his own stash of Propofol and injected himself. He did it too quickly and went into cardiac arrest."

And, Murray suggests, MJ's kids have 3 different fathers, and Michael isn't one of them. Murray says, "Michael told me he never slept with Debbie Rowe."

And, Murray insists, Michael told him he had been sexually assaulted by one of his doctors while under sedation.

Paris Hilton is going after a Slovenian porn site that's illegally profiting off her good name and legendary sex tape.

The website -- ParisHiltonPornVideos.com -- features clips (yes, with a p) of "1 Night in Paris" ... in order to attract pervs and drive traffic.

Paris has now taken legal action trying to shut the website down. She also wants the domain name transferred to her ... because if anyone's gonna make money off of Paris' naked body it will be her ... and Rick Salomon.

In case you're wondering how to sue a Slovenian porn site ... you can't go to "The People's Court." You have to file with the World Intellectual Property Organization Arbitration and Mediation Center.

Eddie "Piolin" Sotelo -- the biggest star on Spanish radio -- forced his employees to watch him defecate, pee in bottles, and subjected them to endless sexual abuses ... so claim former workers.

We obtained a letter 6 ex-employees sent to Piolin's lawyer, claiming the radio host

-- Forced several employees to watch him defecate
-- Regularly peed into bottles in the studio
-- Grabbed his erect penis through his pants and rubbed it on employees
-- Routinely exposed himself and called male employees "f**gots."
-- Grabbed employees' genitals and insisted they "liked" it
-- Bit people

Anthony Weiner's sexting partner Sydney Leathers is living up to her last name ... in the most disgusting way possible -- TMZ has learned she's slicing off a portion of her hoo-ha ... and auctioning it to the highest bidder.

Sources tell us, Leathers' recent foray into the porn biz made her self-conscious about what she calls "excess skin" down there -- so she's decided to undergo a labiaplasty ... to remove a portion of her outer genitalia for a "cleaner" look.

We're told Sydney's getting trimmed next week in Santa Barbara with a doctor named Neal Handel, and it's gonna cost her $8,400. Those porno profits (yeah, she had some) will come in handy.

The really gross part ... we're told Leathers plans to SELL the surgically-removed skin on an auction website.

The man who disappeared in the case that involves a Charlie Sheen sex tape has been found ... and law enforcement sources tell us, he told cops he was KIDNAPPED. And, we've learned the LAPD has launched a criminal investigation into the kidnapping allegations.

Darwin Vela was located at 2 PM PT today, after vanishing Tuesday as he took his dog for a walk in South L.A. We're told Vela flagged down someone on the street and that person called 911.

As we first reported ... Vela and another man, Ricardo Orozco, went to Sheen's reps a while back and said they had a Charlie Sheen sex tape and wanted to know how much the tape would be worth -- i.e., extortion.

Orozco was arrested for allegedly stealing computers owned by Nic Cage's baby mama and law enforcement sources say they believe one of the computers contained the sex tape. Orozco was arrested and charged with burglary.

Vela was scheduled to testify in Orozco's preliminary hearing Thursday but on Tuesday, he left his house to walk his Chocolate Lab and a short time later the dog came back with human blood on its leash and was freaked out.

We do not know if Vela was injured. One law enforcement source says there were injuries but we can't be more specific. Cops are about to interview him.

A man who was supposed to be a key witness in a major burglary case is missing ... and sources tell TMZ there's a direct link to a Charlie Sheen sex tape that was being secretly shopped.

As TMZ reported ... Ricardo Orozco is currently on trial for allegedly breaking into the home of Christina Fulton -- Nic Cage's baby mama -- and stealing computers and boxes of memorabilia, allegedly including nude photos of Nic Cage.

During the preliminary hearing Thursday, a detective testified that one of the items taken was a Charlie Sheen video that we're told was on one of the stolen computers. Law enforcement sources tell TMZ ... it's a sex tape.

Now here's the link between the sex tape and the missing man. We're told Darwin Vela -- the missing man -- along with Orozco, recently went to meet with Charlie's people, claiming they had a sex tape starring Charlie and wanted to sell it, but Vela and his people never produced the tape.

Vela is a key witness in the Ricardo Orozco burglary case and was supposed to testify in the preliminary hearing as early as today.

Now get this. On Tuesday, Vela took his dog Cocoa for a walk, and the Chocolate Lab returned home without him with human blood on its leash, trembling and whimpering. Vela has not been seen since.