TMZ.com

Bill Maher is back with a vengeance!!! None other than Kellyanne Conway kicked off Bill's first show since the election, and there were some hilarious moments.

Bill reminded Kellyanne she once said Trump didn't hurl personal insults ... well, he then ticked off not 2, not 5, not 10, not 20 ... but 22 Trumpian attacks on the 'Real Time' host, including, "Moron," "Stupid guy," "A low life," "Failing comedian," "Dumb ass," and so on.

Kellyanne's response ... well, watch the video. It's hilarious.

Maybe even more hilarious .... Bill wanted to explain to Trump in the simplest terms that he really did lose the election, so he wrote a children's book called "Pack Your S*** and Go."

It begins like this ...

All the votes have been counted

All the courts said no

You're all out of options

Now pack your s*** and go

Donald Trump apparently missed the class on etiquette, because you know that Thor hammer that was carried out of the White House? Well, it was a gift 4 years ago, and he never said "thank-you."

The hammer, which looks like a movie prop, was one of the many items that have made their exit from 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

We found out ... it was a gift from artists Clay and Teri Williams, who spent 3 months back in 2016 creating the art piece. They say the solid block of aluminum with a hand-cast pewter handle wrapped in high-grade Italian leather is valued at $3,500.

The couple are big Trump supporters ... they engraved the hammer with the battle cry, "Trump Make America Great."

They sent the hammer to Trump Tower in NYC a week before his inauguration but never heard anything from Trump thereafter.

They actually tried to find out what happened to the hammer by contacting the White House, but nada ... nothing.

The way they found out about the hammer's whereabouts ... well, they saw our story Friday with the photo of it being carried out of the West Wing.

As for not getting a simple "thank-you," well, they are letting him off the hook by saying he was busy the last 4 years. Still, you'd think with all the TV he watched, he'd have time to write a thank-you note.

The Williams say they still support Trump's values but don't support what happened at the Capitol.

Donald Trump is no Theodore Roosevelt ... instead of carrying a big stick, Trump wields the hammer of Thor!! Who knew?

Check out what was just carried out of the White House ... a large, silver hammer engraved with the President's last name. We don't know if it's Marvel-issued, but it's a dead ringer for Thor's fave toy.

We all know Trump loves putting his name on buildings, so the engraved movie prop seems par for the course.

Hard to fault him for coveting this memorabilia, though ... even the dude from the National Archives and Records Administration who's hauling it away seems more than happy to be hauling it out.

It's been super interesting to keep an eye on Trump's trinkets being taken away from The White House this week ... like the mini baseball bat in storage containers marked "Presidential Library Gifts," and the bust of Abraham Lincoln.

President Trump's double impeachment isn't altering some big plans he's already making ... to build and fill his Presidential Library.

As Trump prepares to move out of The White House, several boxes and items were hauled out Thursday ... including a few storage containers marked "Presidential Library Gifts."

The bins are clear, but it's still hard to make out most of what's inside them ... although it looks like a mini baseball bat made the cut.

Presidents rack up gifts from all around the country and world during their time in The White House, and Trump's Republican Presidential predecessor ... George W. Bush houses approximately 43,000 such gifts at his Presidential Library and Museum in Dallas, TX.

Based on the labels on the storage bins ... it appears Trump has a similar idea in mind.

However, even though every POTUS since Hoover has had a Presidential Library, it's no easy project ... and the tale of the Barack Obama Presidential Center is a perfect example. There have been major funding and planning challenges because all the money comes from private sources, and construction was suspended in the Fall. They're hoping to restart sometime this year.

Considering Trump's been impeached twice and has suffered major blows to his business lately, he might face similar challenges. But, we know he's all about having his name on buildings ... so ya gotta think he's gonna try.

A D.C. Metro police officer says he went into "survival mode" after Capitol rioters reached for his gun and yelled, "Kill him with his own gun."

Officer Michael Fanone, a narcotics detective who normally works in plain clothes, says he threw on a uniform to help with backup during the Jan. 6 coup attempt. When the angry mob overtook him, he says he was tased several times in the back of the neck, and thought about using deadly force to get free.

He told CNN he ultimately decided not to, realizing he didn't have enough firepower to take on everyone ... and he didn't want to "give them the justification to kill me."

Instead, he says he tried to appeal to their humanity -- "I just remember yelling out that I have kids. And, it seemed to work." The moment some of the Trump supporters and his partner pulled him away to safety was captured on video.

What's more ... Fanone suffered a minor heart attack because of the ordeal and was taken to a Baltimore medical center to stabilize his heart's rhythm.

Airbnb is blocking and canceling reservations in the D.C. area for Inauguration Day, but supporters and protesters looking for a crash pad have a plan B ... they're flocking to Craigslist.

The online classifieds site is fast becoming the place to go for those looking to sleep somewhere other than a hotel for the Inauguration ... with accommodations ranging from apartments to homes, to vacation properties.

TMZ did some digging and here's what the inauguration rental landscape looks like on Craigslist:

One-bedroom apartments a little over a mile from the Capitol are running $250 per night, but there's a catch ... ya gotta book a minimum of 3 nights. That gets ya a fully furnished pad with a full kitchen that could come in handy due to COVID restrictions at restaurants.

A little further out from the Capitol -- 2.2 miles or a 15-minute drive -- 600-square-foot apartments loaded with amenities are running around $90 a night for 2 people.

One reason for low prices -- low demand, or at least that's what the Biden administration is hoping. They're encouraging people to take in the Inauguration from the comfort and safety of their own homes. Remember, the National Mall, where inauguration crowds typically gather, is now closed to the public due to heightened security.

For those who persist, and are traveling in big groups, nearby Arlington, VA has larger accommodations ... for instance, you can get 3 days in a 4-bedroom, 3-bath home for a total of $1,650. Again, that's a deep discount from the usual price of $4,500. There are also 5-bedroom options in Arlington.

Donald Trump appears totally checked out of D.C. with less than a week remaining in his Presidency ... because Vice President Mike Pence is literally assuming Trump's duties.

The VP sat at the head of the table during a Thursday briefing on the upcoming inauguration of President-elect Joe Biden and Vice President-elect Kamala Harris ... with Trump noticeably absent from the board room at FEMA headquarters in Washington.

Earlier in the day, the Veep also looked very Command-in-Chief-ish as he, not Trump, greeted and thanked the National Guard troops who've been stationed at the Capitol since the Jan. 6 riot.

Based on appearances, at least, Pence is running the show ... while Trump's got one foot out the door.

As we reported ... the moving process is full steam ahead at the White House, where a bust of Abraham Lincoln was shuffled out a side door at the West Wing.

President Trump isn't the only one leaving the White House ... honest, Abraham Lincoln's been escorted out of the West Wing, for some reason.

Three people, presumably White House staffers, were seen slipping out a side door Thursday with a bust of our 16th President. The odd sight definitely caught the attention of the U.S. Marine standing guard, as his eyes seemed to say what we're all thinking -- where the hell ya going with Lincoln???

Trump, as you know, loves to bring up Abe's name to pat himself on the back ... often saying he's done more for African-Americans than any Prez since Lincoln. It's possible the sculpture is a personal item Trump brought when he moved into the White House.

Of course, Trump and staffers are prepping to move out of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave to make room for President-elect Joe Biden -- but, as far as we know, ya don't get to take art pieces as souvenirs.

A Florida substitute teacher who was caught on video telling students Antifa was responsible for the Capitol riot has been fired ... TMZ has learned.

Dr. Damien Moses, principal at Bok Academy in Lake Wales, FL., tells TMZ ... the teacher's conduct was immediately dealt with following the incident from earlier this week. Moses said, "We met with her and she has been dismissed not only from our school, but also from the Lake Wales Charter School System."

A student at the academy started recording the substitute teacher's rant during a middle school language arts class in which she falsely claimed 3 Antifa members were paid to storm the Capitol in last week's failed coup, and were solely responsible for the violence.

Remember ... the FBI has said there is no indication Antifa played a role in the mob that stormed the Capitol.

The substitute teacher was referencing a Washington Times story from last week with the headline "Facial Recognition Claims Antifa Infiltrated Trump Protesters who Stormed Capitol." The story has since been retracted ... after the Singapore-based XRVision tech company refuted the report, adding the company was never in contact with the outlet.

You can hear the student recording the video tell the sub rioters were seen wearing MAGA hats and Trump flags ... but the sub fired back saying, "When they're paid to be there and cause a riot they wanna make it look like Trump supporters so they wear Trump hats and carry Trump flags."

You can sense the discomfort in the room ... and one student asked for permission to leave, while another said, "I don't care about your opinions."

Ali Alexander -- the pro-Trump organizer of the "Stop the Steal" movement -- calls himself one of the originators of the D.C. rally that preceded the Capitol riots ... but he claims he got help from 3 Congressmen.

The right-wing activist had been vocal for weeks about holding a huge event on January 6 in order to stop Congress from certifying the election win for Joe Biden, and he stated on video he schemed with 3 GOP Representatives to make it happen -- Andy Biggs and Paul A. Gosar from Arizona and Mo Brooks from Alabama.

All 3 GOP lawmakers are hard-line Trump supporters and have links to Alexander through video and social media posts ... and Ali claims their plan was to put "maximum pressure on Congress while they were voting."

He adds that they wanted to "change the hearts and the minds of Republicans who were in that body, hearing our loud roar from outside."

As you know, the D.C. rally for President Trump was followed by a march to the U.S. Capitol, where an angry mob of his supporters violently stormed in ... resulting in 5 deaths.

Alexander and his "Stop the Steal" group have been banned from Twitter, and though he's denied inciting the riot ... the 3 Republicans are taking heat for aiding him.

Biggs and Brooks have denied involvement with Alexander in organizing the Jan. 6 rally, and Gosar has not responded yet.

As we've reported ... Democratic members of Congress like Rep. Jim Clyburn have suggested the Capitol riots were part of an inside job facilitated by GOP politicians -- though he didn't name names. Similarly, Rep. Mikie Sherrill claimed she saw some of her GOP colleagues leading groups on "reconnaissance" tours of the building the day before the insurrection.

The storming of the U.S. Capitol is taking a serious toll on the undermanned police officers who were on the front lines ... so their mental health is now a top priority.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ ... counseling services provided by the Capitol Police have been in high demand over the past week, as officers are reeling and grieving after the violence that took place on January 6.

As you know, the riots resulted in 5 deaths ... including Officer Brian D. Sicknick, who was killed by rioters, and officer Howard Liebengood died by suicide days later.

We're told Capitol PD brass is periodically encouraging the rank and file to utilize their Employee Assistance Program ... and welcoming administrative leave, if needed.

The program includes on-site, confidential counselors who can help employees cope with a wide range of issues. It's been in place for decades, and was a huge help to officers after 9/11.

Our sources say the counseling is available 24/7 -- usually via phone call -- and a large number of officers have been taking advantage of the program ... and it's likely saving lives.

What a difference a week makes ... President Trump is now very clearly asking his supporters to call off any violent plots around next week's inauguration.

His dramatic change of tune came hours after the House of Representatives voted to impeach him -- for a historic 2nd time -- for inciting the Capitol insurrection. Trump said, "I unequivocally condemn the violence that we saw last week. Violence and vandalism have absolutely no place in our country and no place in our movement."

In the video message, recorded in the Oval Office, he spoke directly to his loyal followers, saying ... "No true supporter of mine could ever endorse political violence. No true supporter of mine could ever disrespect law enforcement or our great American flag."

Of course, just one week ago he told his assembled followers in Washington D.C. to show strength to take back the country, and then directed them to march to the Capitol where Congress was voting to verify Joe Biden's Presidential victory.

In his new message, Trump referenced FBI intelligence about plans for violent protests in all 50 states on and before Inauguration Day. He said the National Guard and law enforcement will ensure the transition to Biden will happen "safely and without incident."

Trump also griped about censorship, a reference to his ban from multiple digital platforms like Twitter. He never mentioned his impeachment, but it certainly seems he's going overboard to distance himself from the Capitol violence.

He'd already released a written statement earlier in the day condemning the riots, and this was his 2nd video message doing the same.

One part of the video that might be hard to swallow was his claim that ... "Like all of you, I was shocked and deeply saddened at the calamity at the Capitol last week."

President Trump just became the first Commander-in-Chief to be impeached twice -- and what happens next may decide whether he can ever run for office again.

The U.S. House of Representatives voted Wednesday on one article of impeachment that was introduced earlier this week -- incitement of insurrection -- and the motion passed with majority ... which included a couple handfuls of Republicans.

The House needed just 217 votes for impeachment, and they greatly exceeded that number. Liz Cheney, Adam Kinzinger, John Katko, Fred Upton and Jaime Herrera Beutler were among the Republicans who voted to impeach.

The impeachment vote comes after Speaker Nancy Pelosi gave VP Mike Pence an ultimatum -- either remove Trump using the 25th Amendment, or we'll do it ourselves with another impeachment. Pence refused Pelosi's proposition, saying it was time to heal and move on.

As such, the House charged 45 with high crimes (again) -- and now, the Senate will have to take the matter up among themselves ... either voting to convict, or acquit. Remember, Trump was cleared of wrongdoing last time ... but it might be different now.

Fact is, several Republicans are said to be fed up with Trump at the helm of their party -- and the Capitol riot was the last straw. Some have proven to be loyal no matter what -- like Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley -- but others have denounced POTUS, publicly or privately.

Here's the deal ... if Trump is impeached and convicted by the Senate, not only would the President be removed, but he couldn't run for federal office again. Sen. Mitch McConnell says the Senate will not take up the trial until after Biden is sworn in as the 46th President.

As for how 45 feels about all this, well ... you've heard it all before. Trump's refused to take responsibility -- denying his words and actions sparked the mob he assembled to storm the Capitol, and insisting his comments beforehand were wholly "appropriate."

And, of course, he's cornered the term "witch hunt," which he's been invoking again.

Nancy Pelosi's lectern is back at the U.S. Capitol ... a week after a Florida man gleefully carried it out during a failed coup.

The House Speaker's lectern was wheeled into the building Wednesday and, as we reported, it did not suffer any damage. Still, pretty sure the lectern was or will be sanitized like hell. No word yet if the gavel was also returned.

As you know by now ... Adam Johnson is the man picked up last week on a federal warrant in Florida for his role in the Capitol riots, which, of course, included him taking the lectern. Images of the 36-year-old were plastered online and on TV during and after the insurrection. Goes without saying, it wasn't hard to ID him.

Johnson, a married man and stay-at-home father of 5, is slated to appear later this month in D.C. but already Johnson's lawyer told reporters earlier this week the case is going to be an uphill battle 'cause, ya know, there are pictures of the guy taking the lectern!

Johnson's attorneys, Dan Eckhart and David Bigney, acknowledged as much during a news conference this week outside a Tampa courthouse. Eckhart said, "You have a photograph of our client in a building, unauthorized to be there, with what appears to be a podium or a lectern."

When a reporter told Eckhart how the photo will be problematic, he said, "Yeah, I don't know how to explain that. But, that would be a problem. I'm not a magician."

President Trump is singing a different, more peaceful, tune now that he's about to be impeached a second time -- he's now urging law and order from his followers.

Banned from Twitter, the Prez instead had to issue a statement Wednesday through the White House in which he urged non-violence among his supporters.

Trump says ... "In light of reports of more demonstrations, I urge that there must be NO violence, NO lawbreaking and NO vandalism of any kind. That is not what I stand for, and it is not what America stands for."

As we've reported ... insurrectionists are vowing to stage protests in all 50 state capitals, including a return to the U.S. Capitol, and the FBI has said many are plotting violence.

Rep. Jim Clyburn says the Republican members of Congress who want to be armed on the House floor are striking fear into colleagues -- and he believes they might have ill intentions.

The Congressman from South Carolina dropped his bombshell Wednesday on "TMZ Live" ... revealing his suspicion of several GOP legislators who refused to go through metal detectors Tuesday night at the Capitol. He says some of them were armed, and that made other Reps nervous.

That's because, according to Clyburn, some of the armed lawmakers might be suspected of helping the pro-Trump insurrectionists ... part of a possible inside job.

Rep. Clyburn says other Congressmen and women are afraid these armed lawmakers might do "crazy things" while on the House floor.

On a less dividing note ... Clyburn told us why he recently introduced legislation to make "Lift Every Voice and Sing" the official national hymn in the U.S.