Heidi Montag How to Spoil a Playboy Shoot...

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The only thing X-rated about Heidi Montag's upcoming Playboy spread is the X-pletive you're going to scream when you realize she's not naked in any of the SIX PAGES of photos.

Sources close to the barely PG-rated photo shoot tell TMZ, the magazine was under strict instructions when shooting Montag -- "No nipples, no vagina, no ass."

Due to the third part of the agreement, Spencer will not be appearing in any of the pictures.

Pharmacy in Jackson Case Had Money Problems

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The pharmacy that was raided in Las Vegas Tuesday has something in common with Dr. Conrad Murray -- both apparently have had money problems.

We've pulled documents showing Applied Pharmacy Services, LLC was sued by the owners of the building it occupied in Pasadena, CA. for non-payment of rent. The landlord got a judgment of $143,267.73 -- that includes around $40,000 in back rent plus the amount that would have paid through the balance of the lease, which ended in September, 2011. The pharmacy abandoned the lease in September, 2008.

Dr. Murray was also dogged by money problems -- the bank has been trying to foreclose on his Las Vegas home, and he was ordered to jail for non-payment of child support (he never went).

Law enforcement sources told us when they searched Applied Pharmacy Services they were on the hunt for documents that might show the company sold Propofol to Dr. Murray. There are reports the DEA scored during the search.

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Alleged G'N'R Stalker Goes Postal, Gets Arrested

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The woman who's allegedly stalking Slash and Steven Adler found a clever way of recycling her restraining order -- cops say she wrote a bunch of crazy stuff on the back of the documents and mailed them to Adler's lawyer!

Lisa Jill-Martin Cahn was arrested on Monday by Oregon police for violating the order, after she allegedly scribbled a bunch of disturbing stuff of seven pages of the documents and mailed them off as separate letters to Attorney Eric Greenspan -- hoping they would land in Adler's lap.

In one of the letters, Cahn says she believes the restraining order is the musicians' way of communicating with her. In another, she refers to herself as Adler's "runaway kitty kat."

The letters can easily be translated as a call for help, because she asks Adler's private investigator -- David Mancini -- to "come and get me ... I'm scared and sick ... I can't do this on my own and I'm really, really, really, really, really, really scared!"

Cahn is currently behind bars at the Washington County jail and could face up to eight charges.

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Usher & Whitney 'Will Be There' for Jacko

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No need to call a doctor -- Michael Jackson is about to be remade again ... but this time by John Mayer*, Lionel Richie and Whitney Houston.

Larry King's wife Shawn tells us Usher, Dionne Warwick, Wyclef and Jermaine Jackson are joining Mayer, Richie and Houston in recording a remake of Jacko's "Will You Be There." Shawn, who is spearheading the tribute and sings on it as well, tells us she's not sure if Jennifer Hudson -- who sang the song at Michael's over-the-top memorial last month -- will be involved with the project, as she just gave birth.

The proceeds from the song will be split 50/50 between The Larry King Cardiac Foundation and LaToya Jackson an unspecified charity close to MJ.

*UPDATE:
Mayer's rep denies he's a part of the project, saying, "John is currently in the studio working on his upcoming album, this report is false."

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Britney -- Shopped 'Til She Dropped $3,000!

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Further proof Britney Spears was completely sane during her frantic shopping spree Tuesday afternoon: She spent nearly $3,000 in 15 minutes!!!!

We're told some of the items Brit Brit bought at the Vionnet Boutique in Beverly Hills were...

-- $175 silk lace camisole
-- $345 tourmaline ring
-- $520 total on two lace trim slip dresses
-- $200 aqua & lavender ring
-- $195 tank with lace

One of the outfits (left) she even wore right out of the store.

Unfortunately, one of her purchases was not a new weave.

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Suge's Former Vegas Hideaway Up for Grabs

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The former Las Vegas home of Suge Knight is on the market, and if the sick dig's amenities aren't enough of a selling point, check out these other random facts:

- It was Robert DeNiro's temporary home while filming "Casino."
- It has a poolside BBQ and a guest house.
- It was once raided by the police.
- It has four bedrooms, seven baths.
- Knight lived there when Tupac was shot and killed next to him in a car in 1996.
- It's walking distance to Wayne Newton's pad.

This historic Vegas landmark doesn't come cheap.

Price tag: $1,495,000.

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Mike Vick in Chicago -- For Da Dogs, Not Da Bears

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We now know why we spotted Michael Vick trolling around the Chicago airport -- he's there to howl about the unethical treatment of canines at an event for the Humane Society of the United States.

A rep for the H.S. tells us Vick just spoke at an anti-dog fighting event in the Englewood section of the city -- which will help raise awareness about his efforts to clean up his own image.

If you're sad you missed Vick's speech, don't worry, the H.S. rep tells us it's all a part of his probation and he'll be doing this for "months and years" to come.

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Dwight Howard Nude Pic -- 'Falsified & Doctored'

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An X-rated photo circulating on the web -- which appears to show an exposed Dwight Howard -- is fake, his agency tells TMZ.

In a statement released moments ago, Dwight's people said, "We have been working with our attorneys with mediatakeout.com all morning to get the photos taken down because they are falsified and doctored."

Dwight's people also say they're unsure if the Orlando Magic star has seen the pictures yet since he's filming a movie right now in New Jersey.

Michael Vick Bearing Down in Chicago

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UPDATE: Jim Christman, the media services manager for the Bears, tells us Vick is not in town to meet with the Bears and he is definitely not joining the team.

Attention Fantasy Football Nerds
: TMZ shot footage of Michael Vick in Chicago last night -- which begs the million dollar question ... is Vick destined for Da Bears!?

Dude wasn't in the mood to talk when we spotted him at O'Hare Airport in Chi-Town -- but with rumors swirling that he's close to a deal with a mystery NFL team, this footage could be a HUGE clue.

The message here: If your commissioner is stupid enough to hold an early draft, don't select Jay Cutler just yet...

Chris Brown Can't Escape Rihanna

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A crime against Rihanna was committed during karaoke at the Saddle Ranch last night -- some wannabes absolutely butchered one of her songs -- and this time, Chris Brown was a witness.

Though a group of girls totally assaulted RiRi's song "Umbrella," Brown appeared unfazed and continued talking with a group of chicks at the Sunset Strip bar.

We apologize in advance to your ear drums.

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NBA Star Accused of Pizza Joint Beatdown

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He was hungry for some pizza -- but a man who happened to be dining at the same restaurant as NBA star Zach Randolph last year says the basketball star dished out an asskicking! But wait! According to Zach, it could be a shake down. Or a Shakey Down.

A guy named Gary Ferguson has filed a lawsuit against Randolph, claiming the former Los Angeles Clipper beat the crap out of him on a night when the Clips got beat down on the court.

It all went down inside Berri's Pizza Cafe in L..A. -- where Randolph allegedly "verbally and physically threatened" Gary before "attacking" the guy.

Gary's lawyer claims his client walked away with damaged teeth, a messed up neck and back, a knee injury that will require surgery, and scars on his face.

As for Zach -- his lawyer, Raymond Brothers, tells us he met with Gary's lawyer who first demanded $250,000, then $200,000 and finally $25,000.

Brothers says Gary's own lawyer said Gary was "out of control" and just wanted a quick payout. Brothers says it was a shake down and he walked out, only to get a call from Gary's star witness, who said the case would go away quick if he coughed up some dough. Brothers told her to pound sand.

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New 'DWTS' Competitor Accused of Canine Attack

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Remember that dude who married Shannen Doherty back in 1993? Yeah, we didn't either until actor Ashley Hamilton's dog allegedly mauled somebody in Los Angeles.

A guy named Michael Cohen is suing the upcoming "Dancing with the Stars" contestant for acting "negligently, carelessly and recklessly" when Hamilton's American Staffordshire Terrier (similar to a "Pit Bull") allegedly bit Cohen's dog "Sabra" in L.A.'s Runyon Canyon a few months ago.

Cohen says he cradled his wounded pooch in his arms when Hamilton's dog -- who was allegedly "roaming freely" at the time -- bit Cohen on his hand and wrist.

According to the docs, Cohen tried to make a run for it, but tripped over a rock in the process, injuring himself further ... not that we find that kinda/sorta funny or anything.

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Kirsten Dunst Trips Silent Alarm, Cops Called

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TMZ has learned cops showed up at Kirsten Dunst's Hollywood Hills home last night -- after the house's silent alarm went off.

Though she has had a stalker show up on her property in the past, this time it was Dunst herself who accidentally tripped the alarm.

We're told she was happy to see the officers -- but they left without incident.

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Dispute Over Billy Mays Autopsy Results

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The medical examiner who performed the Billy Mays autopsy is under fire for allegedly screwing up the report -- and the man pointing the finger is one of the most famous forensic experts on the planet.

Famed medical examiner Cyril Wecht tells TMZ the people who performed Mays' autopsy were wrong to almost immediately list "heart disease" as Billy's official cause of death.

According to Wecht -- who personally reviewed the autopsy and toxicology report -- the Hillsborough County Medical Examiner should have pointed to "acute combined drug toxicity" as the cause of death.

Wecht claims the M.E. jumped the gun when they published the report and "chose to ignore the combined cumulative effects of the drugs in his system as the cause of death ... this was bad toxicology work".

The lingering question: With Billy's authorized prescription drug use, why would the M.E. be so quick to pin the cause of death on heart disease, before receiving the toxicology results?

In the end, the M.E. concluded cocaine was a contributing factor in Mays' death. There were also traces of several prescription drugs in his system, including Xanax and Vicodin.

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Ruben Studdard -- I'd Give Paula $10 Million!

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Someone affiliated with "American Idol" finally thinks Paula Abdul deserves $10 million. Slight problem: It's only Ruben Studdard.

Studdard, who won season two, thinks Paula is "probably" worth it -- but as TMZ first reported, Abdul has been taking meetings with ABC head honcho Steve McPherson and could end up on "Ugly Betty" and a show with her name on it instead.

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Zac Efron's Checkered Past!

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In case you didn't notice, Zac Efron's movie, "17 Again" is out on DVD. And he's being sued for allegedly ramming a cab.

According to a lawsuit filed in Beverly Hills Small Claims Court, Zac is being sued by Katie Porter, who claims she was rear ended by a Checker Cab, that pushed into her car after being struck by Efron's vehicle.

We're told Katie did not recognize Zac at the time, but that he was very polite after the accident.

As for why Katie hasn't gotten paid -- her mom tells us the insurance companies for Zac and the cab company have been bickering ... each claiming the other is responsible for the repair costs.

The accident occurred in June, 2006. Porter claims she's out $3,319.76 and here's how its broken down -- $1,200 for repair costs and $400 for a rental car. As for the remaining damages, Katie's dad is also a plaintiff and lives in Oklahoma. He's suing for plane and motel costs for making the trek to small claims court.

No comment so far from Zac's camp.

And note to Katie's dad -- don't make the trip. You can't get travel money even if you're legally in the right. You're welcome.

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