Humor

Simon Cowell's dignity has a price -- $1 million -- because that's how much someone paid to get him to sing the "Power Rangers" theme song ... in front of a giant crowd of rich people ... and TMZ has the hilarious video.

Here's what happened: Simon was attending a fundraiser for Friends of the Israel Defense Forces in Beverly Hills last night, and billionaire "Power Rangers" creator Haim Saban offered to donate $1 million if Simon sang the show's theme song.

And Simon actually did it. It's epic.

There's a pretty great twist at the end as well, resulting in Simon paying $250,000 of his own money. Watch the video to see what happens.

D.L. Hughley has a simple piece of advice for Katharine McPhee or anybody else who wants to screw around outside of their marriage ... " just don't get f**king caught."

Or ... don't get caught f**king.

We saw D.L. in NY and asked him to educate us in the art of infidelity ... and even though he told us he won't be needing his own advice ... he was happy to share the golden rule of cheating.

In the clip .... he also says it's important that everybody keep a few deep, dark secrets to themselves. And then he spills a secret he's keeping from his wife.

A seemingly drunk Chrissy Teigen just used the Internet for the greater good of humanity -- introducing the world to something she calls the "vagina raspberry."

In Chrissy's instructional video she places her face over the crotch of another S.I. swimsuit hottie ... Brooklyn Decker -- and the person shooting announces, "This is the video called vagina raspberry."

And then, Chrissy buries her face in Brooklyn's crotch and blows hard ... on Brooklyn's vagina.

Whatcha' gonna do, brother -- when Hulk Hogan puts his 60-year old ass into a THONG and rides a wrecking ball around like Miley Cyrus?!!

You're probably gonna watch the video. We did.

Now for the back story: Hulk's a partner in a new web hosting company called Hostamania (which is trying to compete with Go Daddy) ... and he wanted to do something big to draw attention to the biz.

Naturally, the wrestler decided the only logical move was to strip down to a G string and wiggle around his evenly-tanned butt cheeks on video.

George Lopez has a brilliant way to save the U.S. Government during this shutdown nonsense -- and his plan could spare us from another Monica Lewinsky situation too!

Only catch -- brush up on your Español .

Arizona beware ... George Lopez has a plan ... and if he gets his way during the impending government shut down -- THE MEXICANS WILL BE TAKING OVER!!

George was fired up about the idea while strolling through NYC today ... telling us the time is right for a Latino takeover.

In case you haven't heard -- it's ok, we forgive you -- Republicans and Dems are battling over defunding Obama-care, and since neither side is budging ... the government could essentially shut down.

George does give one race a pardon -- but only under one condition.

Didn't take long for Aaron Paul to get back on the job hunt ... 'cause just hours after "Breaking Bad" aired its final episode, Jesse Pinkman was already pounding the pavement looking for work.

Paul and his super hot wife Lauren Parsekian took a stroll on the Sunset Strip today ... and couldn't have been nicer -- talking to fans, waving at tour buses and just being their generally awesome selves.

In fact, when asked if he was relieved about not having to answer the constant barrage of "What's gonna happen to Walt?" questions, AP seemed genuinely bummed out ... before joking about his employment status.

Don't worry too much about Aaron -- he's got a couple of things in the pipeline, including the upcoming blockbuster "Need for Speed."

And if that doesn't work out ... hey, he could always sell meth.

Jesse Pinkman made a heartfelt pitch last night about Obamacare, and how his former friend in New Mexico could have benefited -- as could the people he slaughtered.

It's pretty hilarious ... Aaron Paul made a surprise appearance in the opening skit for the Fall premiere of "SNL." People went nuts.

Aaron's got to beat a hasty retreat. He needs to be in L.A. tonight for the big screening at Hollywood Forever cemetery in Hollywood.

BREAKING NEWS: Kanye West can't take a joke ... and he's ripping Jimmy Kimmel a new one online right now in an epic rant to end all rants.

In case you didn't see it last night, Kimmel mocked Kanye's BBC Radio 1 interview with a reenactment sketch that replaced Kanye with a whiny child ... and Ye did NOT take kindly to the insult.

The rapper is currently going all-caps meltdown mode on Twitter, ripping Kimmel for the jab, saying things like, "JIMMY KIMMEL PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES ... OH NO THAT MEANS YOU WOULD HAVE GOTTEN TOO MUCH GOOD P**** IN YOUR LIFE..."

"YOU CAN'T PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES. YOUR FACE LOOKS CRAZY ... IS THAT FUNNY? ... OR IF I HAD A KID SAY IT WOULD IT BE FUNNY???"

And our personal favorite ... "SHOULD I DO A SPOOF ABOUT YOUR FACE OR YOU F***ING BEN AFFLECK...#NODISRESPECTTOBENAFFLECK #ALLDISRESPECTTOJIMMYKIMMEL!!!!"

Kanye then dragged Kimmel's ex Sarah Silverman into it, saying she's WAY funnier than Kimmel, and even posted a meme calling Kimmel a "no good p****."

For what it's worth -- Kimmel has already tweeted saying this is not a prank.

The irony ... Kimmel's entire point was that Kanye acts childish.

Robert Kennedy, Jr. is on the hunt for someone to date his cousin, Maria Shriver.

We got Robert in Hollywood last night ... and he said Maria's on the hunt for a man -- especially since Arnold now has a GF.

The environmentalist advises potential suitors to write Ms. Shriver a letter.

Yes, we're saying there's a chance -- in fact, more than a chance ... Jim Carrey just gave the world hardcore proof the "Dumb and Dumber" sequel is really, finally filming.

Jim posted a WhoSay pic of himself and Jeff Daniels -- aka Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne -- attempting to read Jim's new children's book called, "How Roland Rolls."

It looks like they're standing in between their trailers on the movie set ... which is a good sign cameras are already rolling on the long-anticipated (almost 20 years now) "Dumb and Dumber To."

And the Emmy for Outstanding Use of Sexual Innuendo goes to ... Michael Douglas ... who whipped out a penis joke, and a gay sex reference during his acceptance speech.

Douglas won the trophy for his role as Liberace in "Behind the Candelabra" ... which co-starred Matt Damon as Lib's lover, Scott Thorson.

As he held up the Emmy statue, Douglas motioned to Matt, and said ... "You really deserve half of this. So, do you want the bottom or the top?"

The crowd loved it. Check the clip for Michael's meaty double entendre ... about his penis size.

Rebel Wilson's watermelons versus Ashley Tisdale's coconuts -- photo proof life (and Hollywood) ain't always fair.

Reb and Ash were sporting their custom made bras in L.A. while shooting a scene for their new sitcom, "Super Fun Night" -- which we're sure it was.

Unless, of course, you're more into grapefruit. Or bananas.

Jennifer Lopez -- who knows a thing or 2 about bombs -- looked as pained as someone who sat through more than 10 minutes of "Gigli" when some random dude photobombed her Tuesday on the streets of Bev Hills.

JLo was hoofing it with boy-friend Casper Smart when Mr. Jazzy Hands auditioned for a back-up role.

Pretty sneaky maneuver -- the kind of sneakiness that would even impress Mr. Deeds' right hand man.

Kiefer Sutherland has nothing but respect for his "Young Guns" co-star Charlie Sheen ... who finally got his high school diploma this week ... because it's something Kiefer doesn't have.

Kiefer -- dapperly dressed in a suit and fedora -- was outside Madeo in LA last night ... and may have been reliving his own high school memories when he told us it was "fantastic" that Charlie got his diploma -- 30 years after the rest of his class.

Compared to Kiefer, Charlie's something of an overachiever. Kiefer himself attended several different high schools as a kid ... but revealed in interviews, he never got his diploma.

Soo ... Rick Ross hijacked one of our camera guys on the streets of NYC this week -- telling him he no longer works for TMZ, he's property of RR. And then he gave Harvey a new name ... "Hervis."

The whole thing was pretty hilarious -- and our camera guy was initially stoked to be in Rick's employ, until the rapper broke some pretty terrible news ... NO CHRISTMAS PARTIES.

Turns out, Harvey actually embraced the re-naming ... and celebrated by getting in touch with his urban side.

Hervis, out.