Jersey Shore

Jwoww isn't just gonna squeeze out a kid in July, she's also gonna push out a big ol' steaming dump ... so says her "Jersey Shore" BFF Snooki.

Jwoww made the baby announcement on Christmas Day ... and hours later, Snooki (who already has a kid) posted a screen grab of a recent text convo they had, in which Snooks eloquently describes the miracle of child birth.

As for JWoww -- real name Jenny Farley -- she posted a picture of her growing fetus on Instagram ... along with a note from herself and fiance/baby daddy Roger.

Parenthood has clearly not cramped Pauly D's style .... he happily strolled out of Bootsy Bellows nightclub in West Hollywood late last night ... but there's no doubt -- being a father is front and center in his brain.

Check out the video ... it's not so much what Pauly says -- we know he's fighting for full custody and it's nasty -- but you can see and hear how much he loves his kid.

It's pretty rare when celebs come off so real and unfiltered.

Pauly D better learn to duck and cover ... 'cause his baby mama had no qualms about beating the crap out of another guy who knocked her up ... according to police records obtained by TMZ.

We've learned ... Amanda Markert was arrested in July 2009 for opening a can of whoopass on her first baby daddy -- Lance Gerbino -- leaving him with bloody lips, a nasty gash above his eye and injuries inside his mouth.

Gerbino tells TMZ ... Amanda had been out drinking with friends ... and was pissed because she had to come home to help take care of their infant son.

He claims Markert just started "going crazy" ... wailing on his face with her fists while she was holding their son. Gerbino felt the baby was in danger ... and that's why he called police.

According to police records, Markert turned herself in to cops --booked under her legal name, Amareda Markert -- but the assault charge was eventually dismissed after she completed an anger management course.

As we've reported, Markert and Pauly D are involved in an ugly custody fight over their 6-month old daughter, Amabella ... and they've both been very clear about how much they hate each other.

We contacted Amanda for comment on the domestic violence case ... she hung up on us.

The Situation is on the wrong end of a massive Federal criminal investigation -- which is currently focusing on the "Jersey Shore" star's cash flow ... TMZ has learned.

Sources tell us, Mike Sorrentino and his companies -- MPS Entertainment, Situation Productions, GTL Management, and his clothing line Situation Nation -- are at the center of the investigation.

The exact nature of the crime is unclear, but we know it's a felony, and appears to be finance related. We're told subpoenas have already been issued to Sitch's business associates, asking for copies of payments issued to him, copies of canceled checks, correspondence, and more.

We reached out to Situation's rep for comment. So far, no word back.

Fist pump has a whole different meaning in prison.

Pauly D's baby mama Amanda Markert doesn't deserve ANY custody of their child -- so says the father of her first kid, who thinks Pauly couldn't possibly be a worse parent than Amanda already is.

Lance Gerbino is obviously biased, but he's still got a lot to say -- telling TMZ, Amanda has done nothing but spew huge, wretched lies ever since they met.

Get this ... Lance claims a month before he knocked up Amanda she told him she had cancer and couldn't get pregnant. Further, Lance says when she did get pregnant ... Amanda left him in the dark about whether he was the daddy.

Lance says Amanda's now doing to Pauly what she did to him -- lying and playing games -- and that's why he believes Pauly should get full custody of Amabella.

Amanda declined to comment ... but we spoke with a close relative of hers who told us Lance is full of BS and called him "a freaking, druggie liar."

Pauly D has his own reservations about Gerbino ... one reason Pauly wants full custody of Amabella is because there's a felony drug arrest warrant out for Gerbino, and he doesn't want his baby anywhere near the guy.

Pauly D will meet his 5-month-old baby for the first time today ... TMZ has learned.

We've learned the MTV star and his baby mama Amanda Markert have hammered out a temporary truce in their ongoing custody battle -- and Amanda has agreed to let Pauly meet their daughter Amabella.

Sources close to Amanda tell TMZ ... the meeting will take place at a neutral location somewhere near Amanda's home in New Jersey sometime in the next few hours.

It's a huge step for the parents -- who've hated each other's guts ever since the baby was conceived during a drunken night in Vegas back in 2012. Amabella was born back in May.

Pauly is fighting Markert for full custody of the little girl ... accusing Amanda of being a horrible mom who's using the baby as leverage for fame and to get money from him.

Markert says Pauly's interest in his daughter is all for show and is not real.

A rep for Pauly D had no comment.

Good to see they've put their differences aside ... at least for now.

Pauly D has just been REJECTED by his baby mama ... who says she will NOT let him visit his 5-month old daughter unsupervised.

Pauly's lawyer sent a letter to Amanda Markert's attorney, requesting that Pauly get visitation of the little girl, Amabella, for 2 weeks beginning today.

TMZ has learned ... Markert's lawyer told Pauly's mouthpiece to pound sand, saying Pauly cannot take the baby unsupervised for that period of time. So it seems she might be open to visitation if she or someone else she chooses is present.

Our sources say Pauly D's lawyer has agreed to supervised visitation but now all they're getting is radio silence.

Pauly's rep tells us, "Paul and his entire family are eager to meet and spend time with Paul’s daughter. Paul has been requesting visitation for quite some time now, but his requests have either gone unresponded to or denied. He and his family are committed to being a significant part of his daughter’s life and are excited to make that a reality. "

Pauly D strolled through a New Orleans airport this weekend, but his ego stretched to Texas ... because his adoration for his 5-month-old baby is partly that she looks like him.

Pauly still hasn't met his kid ... it seems there's some jockeying going on. Although he's clearly the dad, he hasn't gotten a judge to sign off on visitation rights, and the baby mama seems to have cash -- not visitation -- on her mind.

Pauly says he's looking forward to playdates witth Snooki's baby son. Let's hope down the road the playdates don't end up in a drunken Vegas liaison.

Pauly D's got his work cut out for him with his new baby mama -- so claims the daddy of her 1st child ... who has some serious words of warning for the "Jersey Shore" star.

Meet 33-year-old Lance Gerbino, the father of Amanda Markert's 5-year-old son. His friend just posted this video on Instagram, where Lance calls Amanda a crazy "drug addict stripper" -- something she strenuously denies.

Lance is no angel himself -- as we reported, one reason Pauly wants full custody is because there's a felony drug arrest warrant out for him, and he thinks there's a danger if Lance comes in contact with the baby.

As for Amanda, her lawyer tells us, "Amanda is an extremely wholesome young lady who is goal oriented." He adds she's never been a stripper and has absolutely no drug issues.

BTW ... Lance's friend has taken the video off Instagram.

Pauly D says his baby mama is a shameless fame whore who's treating their daughter like a winning lottery ticket ... and he won't let her keep him from seeing his little girl.

Pauly was rollin' through the airport in North Carolina this morning when he was asked how he felt about becoming a dad.

"I want to give the baby the best life she ever had," Pauly said.

He also joked that D.T.F. no longer means, "Down to F**k," ... it's now, "diapers, tantrums and formula."

But that terrible joke aside, Pauly says he's ready to go to war with Amanda Markert because, "I want my baby."

"Jersey Shore" star Vinny Guadagnino says he doesn't wanna knock up any ex-Hooters waitresses like Pauly D ... so he makes sure to wear a jimmy hat -- on top of his condom.

Vinny was strolling through NYC when we asked about co-star Pauly D's baby mama drama ... and he was pretty open about the whole thing.

V.D. says he's not lookin' to knock up ANYONE ... so when he bangs around, he double bags his junk ... just in case. No love child for this Guido.

Fun Fact -- Wearing two condoms actually INCREASES the chance of pregnancy ... 'cause the friction can break the condom (duh, remember 4th grade sex ed?)

The chick Pauly D knocked up claims she's no longer looking for a custody war, and is now willing to accept co-parenting with him -- but TMZ has learned the "Jersey Shore" star has serious concerns about another guy in her life.

Amanda Markert called in to TMZ Live to talk about Pauly's fight to gain full custody of their 5-month old daughter, Amabella -- and said, "I would hope that no one would ever want to take an infant away from her mother, and I'm hoping that she can have 2 parents in her life that can get along together."

That's a huge shift -- as we first told you, Amanda and Pauly basically hate each other -- and she confirmed they've had no relationship whatsoever since their one-night stand in Las Vegas.

Sources close to Pauly tell us one of the reasons he wants full custody is because Amanda's first baby daddy (of her 5-year-old son) is currently a wanted man for felony drug charges.

According to a Florida police report ... he was busted for DUI after a car accident, and police say they found him at the scene with bloody needle marks in his arm, and methadone pills -- commonly used to treat heroin addicts.

He skipped a court hearing, and now there's a bench warrant out for his arrest -- but Amanda explained she's already taken steps to protect herself and her children from the guy.

Amanda may want peace, but ... watch the clip. This is ain't no rom com.

One day Pauly D will tell his daughter the heartwarming story about that time he had a drunken, condom-less one night stand in Las Vegas ... with her mom.

Ok, maybe not so heartwarming.

10:50 A.M. PDT -- Pauly just sent a Tweet that seems to address the situation: "Sometimes in life things aren't planned and they may even scare you at first, but they end up being a blessing."

Pauly D wanted his baby mama to have an abortion ... and here's how we know. His baby mama is trying to sell texts he sent to her urging her to end the pregnancy.

TMZ has learned ... Amanda Markert is trying to hawk the text messages to various media outlets in which Pauly asked her to end the pregnancy and he offered to foot the bill.

Sources tell TMZ ... at the time Pauly felt it was the right thing to do, partly because of the way the baby was conceived. There was no plan to have a child ... and the fact is it was a one-night stand.

As TMZ first reported ... Pauly has come around in a big way, not only trying to see the baby but he's fighting for custody.

By the way, get this -- sources close to Pauly say Amanda actually took the money for the abortion, but then ... obviously ... decided to keep the child.

Hours before Pauly D knocked up Amanda Markert, they were both raging at a crazy pool party in Vegas ... and TMZ has several pics of the boozy scene right before the drunken conception.

The two met at the legendary Rehab pool party at the Hard Rock Hotel in the summer of 2012 ... Pauly was working the DJ booth and Amanda was partying her face off in a smokin' hot bikini.

At one point during the party, Amanda somehow got on stage (probably because she's hot) ... and sprayed down the crowd with a bottle of champagne. Later she was seen double-fisting novelty-sized cocktails.

Soon after that, she got some one-on-one time with Pauly -- and 9 months later she gave birth to his daughter. A true love story ...

But the connection they had in Vegas stayed in Vegas ... 'cause now Pauly and Amanda HATE each other's guts and are at war over custody and child support.

Vegas baby, VEGAS!!!

Pauly D got famous in New Jersey, but he wants to stay as far away from The Garden State as possible when it comes to deciding who gets custody of his kid.

According to legal docs -- obtained by TMZ -- Pauly and his baby mama, Amanda, are in a dogfight over which state should handle their custody case.

Pauly wants Nevada to handle it, but the former Hooters waitress wants a Jersey judge to pass judgment ... and we know why.

Nevada judges are more likely to give the father custodial rights than Jersey jurists. In Nevada, there's a presumption that both parents should get joint custody. There is no such presumption in Jersey. Now as we reported, Pauly wants FULL custody, but having joint custody as a fall back is better than nothing.

There's also an issue of convenience. Pauly lives in Vegas and he doesn't want to have to make the trek to Jersey every time there's a court hearing.

Here's what's ironic: If Pauly gets his way and the case is handled in Nevada and the judge awards joint custody, he'll probably end up paying MORE child support than if the case was handled in Jersey -- that's just the way the law works. But sources tell TMZ ... he knows he'll end up paying more child support but getting custody is way more important to him.