Nurse!

Detroit Lions star Nate Burleson tells TMZ ... the 911 caller was mistaken -- he wasn't woozy, or off-balanced or DRUNK in the moments following his car crash last week ... but he did fumble his pizza.

Nate says he was in shock in the moments following the wreck, in which he suffered a broken arm and cuts on his face after a night at Happy's Pizza and Pub in Detroit -- but the 32-year-old explains, "I was completely coherent. I was trying to grasp what was going on at the moment."

As we previously reported, one of the people who called 911 following the crash last Monday night told the operator Nate "was losing his balance" and "appeared to be intoxicated."

But Nate tells TMZ, "My arm was broken so that may cause you to stumble, but it was not alcohol-related at all."

In fact, Nate says the cops complimented him on how composed he was following the crash -- considering his injuries.

As for the pizza, Nate admits he tried to save the pie as it slid around on the front seat of his GMC Yukon ... but the food slipped through his fingers ... and that's when he lost control of the ride and crashed.

We obtained photos of the pizza carnage following the wreck ... showing the deep dish pepperoni (with mushrooms) all over Nate's whip.

"I get the jokes, 'cause reaching for a pizza isn't the way you wanna crash your car," Nate says ... "But I'm lucky to have walked away."

Amanda Bynes has been moved from the psych ward of a major hospital to a ritzy rehab place in Malibu for her own good ... so say her parents.

Rick and Lynn Bynes are responding to our story that Amanda was moved 3 weeks ago from the UCLA Medical Center to The Canyon rehab facility in Malibu.

Amanda's parents -- through their lawyer Tamar Arminak -- say the move was on the advice of doctors at UCLA, and that she is making "great strides towards recovery."

Sources close to Amanda tell TMZ, "Amanda was stuck with people in much worse condition than her. She was scared, afraid and did not leave her immediate room area." The lawyer adds, at the rehab place, "She is getting specialized psych care, one on one treatment, not drug rehab."

Our source says Amanda is able to walk around the grounds, see the ocean and ride the horses.

This video of Dodgers superstar Matt Kemp -- limping around on crutches -- is gonna make you really sad ... or really pumped up for the baseball playoffs.

Talk about bittersweet ... the Dodgers are heading into the playoffs, but Kemp will be benched due to a swollen bone in his foot.

So, last night when we caught Matt gingerly making his way into a movie theater he confessed ... "I'm sad" -- but then added a prediction about the Dodgers' NLDS against the Atlanta Braves.

In Kemp's words ... "We gonna win."

Question: If you were thiiiiis close to being paralyzed after fracturing your neck in a freak accident in 2011 ... and you had to rehab for months to get back to normal ... would you risk it all for a killer physique??

Answer: ABSOLUTELY ... if you're Jason Derulo.

The "Whatcha Say" singer hit up a park in Sydney, Australia this weekend ... and bent over backwards for some kind of a handstand, pushup thing during a topless workout.

As we previously reported, J.D. screwed himself up bad just 2 years ago ... breaking his neck while doing tumbling and acrobatics during rehearsals for his tour.

Clearly, the guy feels confident his body is fully healed.

Amanda Bynes left the UCLA Medical Center, where she was getting treatment for a serious mental illness, and is now ensconced at a fancy Malibu rehab center that caters to celebs ... TMZ has learned.

It's shocking ... the facility does not have the psychiatric facilities available at UCLA, and we're told she's still in a desperate state. It's all the more shocking because she's under a special hold -- called an LPS -- which doctors got because they were so concerned about her well-being.

Sources familiar with the situation tell TMZ ... Amanda checked in to The Canyon approximately 3 weeks ago. She interacts with people very little and rarely leaves the area where she's living.

Amanda is not wearing her wig and is "paranoid" the paparazzi will find her.

The Canyon got in big trouble in 2011 ... after an employee allegedly sold confidential information about Brooke Mueller during her stay. We're told Brooke settled her lawsuit against the facility for somewhere around $250k.

Amanda Bynes' mom is dropping her bid to get a permanent conservatorship, but not because she's turning her back on her very ill daughter ... it's because she already has the ammo she needs to protect her.

Amanda's mom was slated to go to court Monday to make the temporary conservatorship permanent. But here's the deal. Amanda is currently on an LPS hold -- translation, doctors have a tighter rein on Amanda than her mother would have with a conservatorship.

And there's a twist. Doctors have given Amanda's mom the power to make medical and financial decisions for her daughter under the LPS hold.

The mom has already exercised her power by getting Amanda admitted long term to UCLA Medical Center.

Bottom line. There's no need for a conservatorship anymore, so she's withdrawn her petition.

And finally, and sadly, we're told there has been no real improvement in Amanda's condition.

Here's how bad off Amanda Bynes is ... it looks like she could be in a mental health facility for a year and a half.

Amanda's lawyer was in a NYC court today ... in connection with the case where Amanda allegedly threw a bong out the window of her apartment.

Her lawyer, Gerald Shargel, asked for a postponement for up to 18 months while she got psychiatric treatment.

Sources tell TMZ ... the likelihood is ... the case will be plea bargained ... there are major weaknesses in the prosecution's case. Translation -- the case could possibly be dropped altogether.

Detroit Lions' wide receiver Nate Burleson didn't just break his arm when he crashed -- while reaching for a pizza box -- based on this pic TMZ obtained ... his sweet SUV is dunzo.

Burleson's 2009 GMC Yukon -- or what's left of it -- was hauled by flatbed to a GMC dealership Wednesday in suburban Detroit.

As we told you ... Burleson told police he swerved into a median when he tried to save a pizza from sliding off the front seat.

The SUV is clearly out for the season, but the good news for Detroit is ... its owner is expected to be back on the field before the end of the season.

Next time? Delivery, Nate ... delivery.

Model Vida Guerra -- famous for her backside -- had emergency surgery on her other money-maker yesterday -- replacing a breast implant that was creating a serious health crisis ... TMZ has learned.

Vida posted a pic of her exposed chest Tuesday morning ... showing her right breast covered by a large gauze pad. The problem was scar tissue forming around a gel implant.

Vida tells us back in 2011 she replaced saline implants with fancy new gel ones -- 450cc (or a full C cup). When she recently started having back pain and trouble breathing ... docs told her scar tissue had formed and had to be removed, along with the implant itself.

Vida got a new left implant during her 24 hour hospital stay -- but she's home now, doing something she never gets to do ... PIG OUT!!!

The fitness fanatic confesses she's been eating "everything in sight" ... especially pizza. Docs have cleared her to start working out again in a month.

Boob job lesson of the day: Vida says, "If I could do it over again, I wouldn't have. It's just more problems in the end."

And the front.

Amanda Bynes is mentally unfit to stand trial ... this according to her lawyer in her DUI case ... TMZ has learned.

Amanda was supposed to appear in court today for her DUI arrest in West Hollywood back in April, 2012. Amanda's lawyer, Rich Hutton, told the judge Amanda did not have the mental capacity to understand the nature of the legal proceedings.

The judge apparently had concern ... and transferred the matter to the mental health court. The judge in that court will conduct a hearing to determine Amanda's mental competency.

Meanwhile, Amanda is getting long-term treatment after being placed under a conservatorship.

Here's video ... of a noticeably unstable Amanda climbing into her Range Rover last year.

Unless you're NFL legend Ronnie Lott ... you can't feel Rashad Johnson's pain -- but you can see it ... 'cause now there's a photo of the incredibly gruesome finger injury the NFL safety suffered Sunday.

If you haven't heard ... the Arizona Cardinals player crushed his left middle finger during the game against the New Orleans Saints -- but didn't realize he'd actually lost the tip until he took off his glove ... and partial digit was left behind.

Late Monday ... Johnson tweeted a pic of the photo, saying ... "Blessed to be able to still go out and do what I love this season. #thankful #trulyblessed"

Three Dallas Cowboys stars are personally responsible for a boy nearly drowning at a football camp this summer -- at least according to the kid's parents who are now suing for at least a MILLION BUCKS.

The parents of 13-year-old James Jackson Jr. filed the suit against Miles Austin, Anthony Spencer, and Brandon Carr ... claiming it's their fault James nearly drowned during a football camp held at the University of North Texas, and bearing Spencer's name.

The boy reportedly sank to the bottom of a pool -- while there were roughly 125 other kids in the water -- and had to be pulled out, given CPR, and taken to a nearby hospital.

Now his parents are pointing the finger at the players and the company that organized the camp -- claiming it was their responsibility to hire better lifeguards, and make sure the pool was safe for swimmers.

The lawsuit doesn't specify the boy's injuries, but says he suffered mental anguish, disfigurement, and physical impairment.

Detroit Lions wide receiver Nate Burleson's season could be over after busting his arm in an early morning car accident caused by ... wait for it ... a late night pizza pickup.

Police say the Lions' star was driving on a highway outside Detroit around 2:25 AM when he swerved and wrecked the vehicle ... breaking his arm in two places.

The painful twist here, according to cops, is Burleson was simply reaching for a pizza that had fallen off the seat when he lost control of the SUV.

Better than a DUI ... but still ... dude's season could be over. He also missed most of last season with a broken leg -- but that injury happened on the field.

Baltimore Ravens wide receiver Jacoby Jones was hurt early this morning after a brawl erupted on a party bus filled with his Ravens teammates ... TMZ has learned.

It happened after a night of partying in Washington D.C. celebrating Bryant McKinnie's birthday.

Sources at the scene tell us ... at about 3 AM, as people were leaving Opera Ultra Lounge, people on the bus began fighting. In addition to teammates, we're told at least one stripper was on board.

One eyewitness tells us he saw a bottle being swung at Jacoby Jones -- it connected with his head and hurt him. We're told an ambulance was called "for a bleeding male" but he was not taken to the hospital.

Our sources say a stripper named Sweet Pea is the one who hit Jacoby with a gigantic Ace of Spades bottle and this may have triggered the brawl. We're told the bottle smashed over his head and he was "bleeding everywhere."

We're told Jacoby's friends tried to retaliate against Sweet Pea but Bryant McKinnie tried to stop him, and a fight broke out between the friend and Bryant.

FYI ... Jacoby is currently injured and hasn't played since week 1.

Police responded to the scene but no arrests were made. We're told there was evidence of an assault but no one cooperated with cops.

"Here We Go" rapper Trina was hospitalized early Monday morning -- after passing out in a Florida airport over "dehydration and overexertion."

We're told Trina had been traveling all day while battling some sort of illness -- and hit the deck minutes after stepping off the plane.

The 34-year-old rapper was rushed to a nearby hospital ... where she's recovering.

Jon Jones may have had his face bashed in at UFC 165 last night -- but that didn't stop the light-heavyweight champ from flashing his extremely swollen face for a photo after the fight.

Jones' opponent Alexander Gustafsson posted the gnarly pic this morning online -- showing a beat up moment of respect between the two fighters inside a Toronto hospital after the pay per view.