Ride Me

Chris Brown suffered the ultimate vehicular humiliation Thursday ... as he tried to act super-cool in a classic whip that couldn't get off the dime.

A full crew and huge crowd gathered as Brown prepared to shoot his music video ... the singer cruising down Figueroa in L.A. in a super-sweet '60 Chevy Impala.

The engine repeatedly turned over but there was no ignition, as a clearly embarrassed Brown stoically turned the key ... with rapper Compton Menace riding shotgun.

Eventually ... the whip moved ... but oh so slowly.

A plane carrying Jackson Rathbone -- who played Jasper Hale in "Twilight" -- made an emergency landing in Long Beach Thursday ... after one of the engines exploded and his cabin filled with smoke.

Rathbone documented the whole thing on his WhoSay account ... after the right engine went kaput on a JetBlue flight heading for Austin, Texas from the LBC.

Jackson claims the oxygen masks didn't deploy when the plane got smoky -- so the flight attendant had to manually release them. According to reports ... one person was hospitalized for shortness of breath once they landed.

Rathbone says things got so scary while they were on the way down ... he grabbed his son/wife tightly and started praying.

Luckily they landed safely -- and when the plane stopped Jackson said screw his personal belongings and jumped down the inflatable slide with his family to exit the plane ASAP.

With a baby on the way and their transportation needs about to change drastically, Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher went shopping in the Valley Wednesday for a new car.

Mila has kept her due date secret thus far, but with Ashton tagging along with a stroller to test out trunk space ... you have to assume they're getting close.

Dwight Howard might be color blind -- 'cause officials in Florida say he ran 10 RED LIGHTS in 2-and-a-half years -- and now his license has been suspended ... TMZ Sports has learned.

According to official records, the NBA superstar was captured by those red light cameras in Orange County, FL over and over again ... starting in 2012, when he was busted 9 times in 10 months.

Then, after a year-and-a-half without a violation, Howard struck again in 2014 -- blowing through another red light on July 1st ... his 10th overall infraction.

Officials from the Orange County Clerk of Courts tell us ... Howard's license can be reinstated if he pays a $285 fine.

We're guessing he can afford it.

Hip hop producer Mally Mall is pimping his sick ride -- not for style, but for safety -- bulletproofing his Maybach because he tells us there's way too much shooting in the biz these days.

The new "Love & Hip Hop: Hollywood" cast member says he sent his custom whip to Richie Rich at West Coast Customs for what you might call the POTUS treatment -- full bulletproofing AND bombproofing.

Mall says the windows all have double-pane glass (with the holes to return fire if needed) -- and the frame is layered with steel plates. He says the vehicle virtually indestructible now ... though we'd love to see who was dumb brave enough to test it.

As we first told you ... Mally helped squash the Drake-Chris Brown beef -- but he says recent shootings involving Suge Knight and Chris Brown, and backstage at Wiz Khalifa's show ... made him think it's time for security upgrades.

Carpooling with African wild cats doesn't hurt either.

Bravo reality star Geneva S. Thomas got nailed in an alleged ride 'n dash ... after cops say she skipped out on an $18 cab fare in NYC.

According to the police report ... the "Blood, Sweat & Heels" cast member was booked Tuesday after a taxi company claimed she took off before paying the driver, and now she faces theft charges.

Law enforcement tells us ... they were able to track down Geneva because the driver took note of the address where he dropped her off -- something they tend to do if you don't pay.

Geneva claims the whole thing is BS and says she's planning to sue the NYPD and the taxi company.

Her attorney tells TMZ ...the cabbie became hostile because Thomas told him she didn't have cash and would have to pay by credit card ... and that he purposely took a longer route to increase the fare. Thomas claims she was the one who called the cops -- who arrested her unjustly.

For now, she has a court date in January. She might want to walk.

Lyssa Chapman -- who starred with her dad on "Dog The Bounty Hunter" -- was just involved in a serious car crash in Honolulu where she lives, TMZ has learned.

Her mother, Beth Chapman, tells TMZ ... Baby Lyssa was in an accident and had "all our kids in the car." Lyssa has two daughters.

Emergency crews were called to the scene ... it's unclear if there were any injuries or what caused the crash. But pieces of the car were strewn all over the road and the vehicle's airbags were deployed.

We're contacting Honolulu PD for more info ....

Story developing ...

Sharon Osbourne learned an important lesson Wednesday night -- take your eyes off Ozzy Osbourne for even a second, and he could end up anywhere ... like the wrong car.

Sharon got distracted outside Craig's last night ... talking to our photog about her "Talk" co-star Sara Gilbert's pregnancy -- and that's when Ozzy strayed into someone else's ride.

Officials say they have obtained a brand new "enhanced" video in the Tony Stewart death investigation which could give more clues on what really happened when Tony struck and killed Kevin A. Ward during a race last month ... TMZ Sports has learned.

The Ontario County Sheriff's Department tells us ... the investigation into the August 9th incident is officially complete -- thanks to the help of a "forensic video enhancement recently received from the New York State Police Laboratory in Albany."

It's unclear what the new enhanced video shows ... but officials say the D.A. now has the evidence and will make a decision on whether to charge Stewart in the coming days.

As we previously reported, Ward had stepped out of his car following a collision on the track ... and appeared to be yelling at Stewart ... when Stewart's car struck the young driver, killing him almost instantly.

"Shahs of Sunset" star Mercedes Javid sees nothing wrong with shamelessly washing her car for a photo op ... declaring, "F*** the drought!"

Javid was out Tuesday night at Bootsy Bellows in West Hollywood and she's clearly wasted. When our photog asked about the car wash pics, her reasoning was compelling, we say sarcastically.

Be sure to watch til the very end if you want to see more of MJ than perhaps should be allowed.

Conrad Hilton was driving so out of control moments before he crashed his car near Palm Springs ... at least one alarmed driver was convinced he was going "about 200 miles an hour" ... according to 911 tapes obtained by TMZ.

As we reported ... Paris' youngest brother crashed after clipping the rear of 2 other vehicles, and had to be cut from the wreckage with the jaws of life. Somehow he walked away without major injury.

So many people called 911 after seeing Hilton fly by on the freeway -- sometimes on the shoulder -- the police dispatcher seemed to get annoyed at repeat callers ... and even challenges the 200 MPH report.

Ron Jeremy's night could have been a lot worse -- because it turned out he was NOT driving drunk ... however he was driving without a California license, so he got his car impounded.

The porn legend was pulled over in Hollywood Wednesday night after police spotted him driving erratically. Our photog witnessed police giving Jeremy a breathalyzer test, but he passed just fine. Ron told our photog he doesn't drink at all.

But it turns out Ron only has a New York license (even though he's lived in L.A. for years) so the cops towed his Saturn and Jeremy and his lady friend had to take a cab home.

Screw the Lambo ... forget the Bentley ... NBA legend Pat Riley cruises around L.A. in one of the most GANGSTER vehicles of all-time -- and TMZ Sports has the footage.

The President of the Miami Heat was leaving a car wash in Malibu early Tuesday -- where only the finest detailers were allowed to work on his prized 1950 Mercury coupe.

FYI -- Riley has been OBSESSED with the 1950 Merc for years ... for good reason -- GQ once touted the ride as one of the most gangster cars of all time.

Check out the clip -- we also asked Pat what he got Dwyane Wade for his wedding ... and judging from Pat's reply, he hooked D-Wade up!!!

Justin Bieber got arrested in Canada after crashing his ATV into a minivan driven by paparazzi ... TMZ has learned -- and he now faces charges of dangerous driving and assault.

Bieber was taken into custody Friday afternoon in Perth County, Ontario. Police say there was a physical altercation between Justin and a paparazzo in the minivan ... after they had the collision.

Justin was photographed riding the ATV with Selena Gomez Friday in Ontario near his father's home.

Police say Justin was released and will have to appear in court later this month.

He could have a bigger problem on his hands though -- Justin is on probation for 2 years after the egging case in L.A. So, it's possible this arrest could trigger a violation.

Justin's attorney says Justin and Selena are fully cooperating with the police investigation.

IndyCar champ Tony Kanaan says his car is like his second wife ... and nobody gets to put their hands on it but him ... which is why he refuses to let valets park it at restaurants.

Kanaan -- who took the checkered flag at the MAVTV 500 in Fontana this weekend -- was out at Club Nokia in L.A. and told us why he's so protective of his ride.

However, there is one exception ...

"If it's a RENTAL car, I'll let the guy valet it ... if it's MY car, I will pay him extra then I want it to park and usually I ask to park up front."

50 Cent and his son Sire now have matching rides ... after 50 surprised him on his 2nd birthday with a miniature motorized Mercedes ML450 SUV. Whatever happened to Big Wheels?

According to our sources, 50 surprised his boy in Los Angeles this weekend with the sweet little car ... which 50 picked out himself.

We're told the two spent the weekend together eating lots of birthday cake and 50 footed the bill for his big party on Monday.

Go shorty, it's your birthday!