The Kardashians

With rumors of a Michael Phelps comeback, there's one American who thinks MP should STAY OUT of the pool when the 2016 Olympics roll around -- Bruce Jenner.

Phelps announced he "retired" from swimming after dominating at the 2012 games ... but lately, there have been rumblings that he's considering re-shaving his body hair for a dramatic Olympic comeback.

But not everyone's fired up about the idea ... especially Jenner, who knows a little something about what it takes to compete at the Olympic level -- 'cause before he played second fiddle to the Kardashians, he won gold in the decathlon in 1976.

"He's done," Jenner told us in Calabasas yesterday ... "Quit while you're ahead."

For the record, Phelps is only 28 ... and still in incredible shape.

Lamar Odom has dodged a bullet ... the NBA superstar will not be prosecuted for going berserk on a paparazzi in the middle of an L.A. street last month and breaking some of the guy's gear, TMZ has learned.

The cops had originally sent the case to the L.A. County D.A. for possible felony charges ... and the D.A. referred it to the L.A. City Attorney for possible misdemeanor vandalism charge.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ ... Odom has agreed to pay for breaking the snapper's gear in the July 10 rampage. So we're told the City Attorney will hold an office hearing -- an alternative to a prosecution -- in which Lamar and the photog will have a chit chat with the hearing officer about rights and responsibilities ... and that's about it.

As we previously reported, Lamar blew a gasket that day after the photog (not a TMZ guy) blasted him with questions about rumors he was cheating on Khloe.

So in conclusion, Lamar went from possible felony ... to possible slap on the wrist ... to actual check (that's really just a drop in the bucket for a pro athlete/reality star).

Lamar wins.

Leonardo da Vinci's famed "The Last Supper" has officially been desecrated by the Lord ... Disick, that is ... and the whole Kardashian family.

Question is -- can you crack the code?

Depending on your standards these may or may not be the most awesome pics you see today -- photographic proof Kris Humphries' sloppy seconds Myla Sinanaj shot a hardcore porno.

TMZ broke the story ... Myla believes her sex tape will make her the next Kim Kardashian -- telling us, "I may not like Kim, but she was smart and she's sexy and I look a lot like her so why not make a tape and make millions and get a reality show?"

Myla even screened Kim K's famous sex tape on a TV while she got railed on camera.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are passing up several million smackeroos ... because they've decided not to attach a price to priceless baby pics of North West.

The pics could fetch a cool $3 mil ... but we're told K & K have already rejected such an offer.

Our sources says Kim and Kanye toyed with the idea of selling the pics and donating the money to charity, but decided against it.

They've decided to go one of two routes: Either release the pics to a fancy mag like Vanity Fair, or pull a Bey/Jay Z and release a crude snap on social media.

We're hoping they can still make ends meet.

Forget comparing himself to Jesus -- Scott Disick thinks he's more important than Kris Kardashian and Kanye West ... who BTW really does think he's Jesus.

Scott posted this pic in his Instagram, and The Last Supper comparisons are delicious. Notice Kris Humphries (3rd from left) is present.

You would think Kris H. would be in the spot of Judas, but that was reserved for 17-year-old Kendall.

Here's Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick on their way to break bread together following public accusations KK cheated ... proving to the world they have not broken up for the millionth time.

TMZ broke the story ... a male model is suing Kourt for paternity over 3-year-old Mason (possibly the cutest kid on the planet). He says he had sex with her in '09 and 9 months later she popped out a kid.

7:54 AM PT -- Kourtney's attorney, Todd Wilson, tells TMZ ..."This individual has been selling false and fabricated stories to the tabloids for years about Kourtney Kardashian and her son, Mason. Scott Disick is Mason’s father."

Wilson continues, "We have not seen the reported court filing, but we are informed that this individual has been seeking to get paid to publish his ridiculous pleading. His claims are absurd and this is simply another shameful attempt to gain publicity and profit from fictional stories about my client."

A male model who claims he had unprotected sex with Kourtney Kardashian in 2009 claims 3-year-old Mason is HIS son and he's now filed a paternity lawsuit asking for joint custody ... TMZ has learned.

Michael Girgenti claims in legal docs -- filed Thursday and obtained by TMZ -- he met Kourtney during a photo shoot in August, 2008 (above). Girgenti says they connected and began a texting relationship for 3 months.

Girgenti says in legal doc things heated up by March, 2009, when Kourtney allegedly told him she and then BF Scott Disick were "on the outs" and "she wanted to hang."

Girgenti's suit then describes an alleged sexual encounter in Glendale, where he says they had "unprotected vaginal sex." He adds, "I ejaculated inside [Kourtney's] vagina."

Girgenti says 9 months later Kourtney gave birth to Mason. He says he immediately saw a striking resemblance and tried contacting her, to no avail, so he began a media blitz to get her attention.

Girgenti's docs, filed in L.A. County Superior Court, request joint custody of Mason. He also wants the judge to order DNA tests for Kourtney, Scott, Mason and him. The judge set a hearing for next month.

We also know Girgenti received a letter from Kourtney's lawyer, Shawn Holley, saying his allegations are "false and defamatory."

Kim Kardashian's ex-stepmom Ellen Kardashian has just sued Kris Jenner and the Kardashian sisters for defamation, claiming the K-fam is on a mission to make her look like a bitter gold digger -- when they're the ones who should be ashamed of themselves.

Ellen filed the suit against Kris, Kim, Khloe, Kourtney, Rob, and even Ryan Seacrest Productions -- insisting the girls and "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" producers attempted to ensnare her in a recent plot line on the show, involving a private investigator attempting to hawk damaging information about the Kardashians.

According to the lawsuit, the investigator attempted to sell the information to Ellen -- in order to make her look like some kind of black mailing scumbag -- but Ellen refused to take the bait.

Ellen says the Kardashians trashed her on the show anyway, making up lies about her to fit their anti-Ellen agenda, such as accusing Ellen of marrying Kim's dad Robert Kardashian for his money -- and Ellen's lawsuit gets downright nasty.

Ellen -- who was married to Robert Kardashian before he died -- calls Kris Jenner a "manipulative and devious mother and ex-wife who simply used and exploited her children." She also calls the family's careers meaningless.

FYI, the feud between Ellen and the Kardashians has been raging for years ... it's nothing new.

Ellen is suing for unspecified damages. Calls to the Kardashians weren't returned.

Kim Kardashian conspired with her mother by making it APPEAR the newly-minted mom would reveal her post-pregnant body on Kris Jenner's show today ... but it was all a ruse.

Kim tweeted, "Getting ready to surprise my mom on @krisjennershow today. You ready NYC? Tune in!"

Call us cynical, but it was no surprise to Kris when Kim did indeed appear ... but if you expected to see her body ... sorry suckers.

It was all a ploy to goose ratings ... kind of like when Kris made potential viewers believe she would debut North West.

BTW the best part ... Kris cries when she sees the video. Remember, Kim lives with her.

THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: If you're wondering who was driving the obnoxious yellow Rolls Royce around L.A. Thursday, it was the douche wearing yellow loafers to match ... Scott Disick.

Looks like Kim Kardashian wasn't lying about a photog trespassing onto Kardashian family territory this week -- we found out ... 1 cop car rolled up to their Calabasas mansion Wednesday ... and we're told police were nosing around about the incident.

As we reported, on Monday Kim posted video online, showing her mother Kris Jenner racing into her backyard in hot pursuit of a paparazzo who had trespassed on her grounds.

It smelled like BS at the time -- after all, why would Kris put herself in that kind of danger??? But sources close to the Kardashians say police already have a solid lead on a suspect, and dropped by Kris' house to speak with her about the incident.

Kim Kardashian and Kris Jenner have beefed up security at their Calabasas estate after a paparazzo allegedly trespassed onto their property, TMZ has learned -- but video footage of the incident makes the whole thing smell kinda fishy.

Kim posted the Blair-Witch-style video online yesterday, showing her mom running into their backyard ... in hot pursuit of the rogue photog. They say they even called the cops.

Sources close to the K-Klan tell us, the family has since hired round-the-clock security ... pretty crazy considering they already live in a gated community.

Now the fishy part ... If someone really was creeping around their property, why would a defenseless woman like Kim's mom run out to confront him ... especially a really rich defenseless woman?

Reminding the planet that he "hit it first" wasn't enough ... 'cause Ray J went after Kanye West again last night ... and TMZ has the footage.

Kim Kardashian's sex tape partner was leaving Tru in Hollywood last night when he started mocking K's airport meltdown ... which is interesting considering Ray recently released a song bragging about banging KK way before Kanye came into the picture.

Kanye hasn't really acknowledged Ray J's attempt at a beef yet. Think this will get his attention?

Okay this is creepy ... not only does Myla Sinanaj want to be just like Kim Kardashian ... she had Kim K's sex tape playing during her own XXX romp.

TMZ broke the story ... Myla has gone all single white female and filmed her own version of a Kim K sex tape -- called the "Anti-Kim Kardashian XXX" -- hoping its release will make her millions and land her a reality show.

TMZ obtained a clip of the tape ... it shows how obsessed she is -- you see Myla watching the KK / Ray J video in the background as a Kris Humphries look-a-like bangs her to a fare-thee-well.

Myla does say, "Turn that off ... I can do better than that." But still ...

The one thing that does set Myla apart from KK -- she loses her "backdoor virginity." It's a place Kim never went ... at least on camera.

It's beyond.

Kris Humphries' ex-girlfriend Myla Sinanaj has fully become single white-ish female ... telling TMZ she truly believes her new sex tape will make her the next Kim Kardashian.

Myla tells TMZ, "I may not like Kim, but she was smart and she's sexy and I look a lot like her so why not make a tape and make millions and get a reality show?"

Myla fully admits she shot the skin flick for Vivid porn studio -- which even hired a Kris Humphries look-alike to bang her silly -- saying, " I had a blast that weekend with someone I was attracted to and had chemistry with."

So we gotta ask ...