Weird News

The guy accused of pissing everybody off -- Fat Mike -- put on a solo performance as his alter-ego "Cokie the Clown" at last week's South by Southwest festival in Austin ... covered by punk news website DyingScene.com.

Mike began the show by passing out the shots to fans and even downed a couple himself. But after a bizarre half hour in which Mike described his friend hanging himself, smothering his dying mother to death and milking a fan, Mike decided to show the crowd a very, very disturbing video.

The video appears to begin just moments before Mike took the stage and shows the singer urinating into a bottle of tequila ... and then serving it to the audience. The video did not appear edited.

So far, cops are not investigating the situation, but when we called the Austin Health Department to ask if they had taken any action, they told us they were unaware of the incident ... but would be looking into it.

Before President Barack Obama's health care reform signing today, VP Joe Biden turned to the Commander in Chief -- and with the microphone on -- whispered to his boss, "This is a big f**kin' deal."

Sources close to Michelle McGee -- the woman who allegedly had an affair with Jesse James -- tell TMZ Michelle is adamant ... she's not a white supremacist.

According to our sources, McGee claims she just enjoys fetish modeling and the pics were an attempt to be "provocative." As we first reported, McGee posed for the pics over a year ago and the Nazi outfit was the photog's idea.

McGee's ex-husband begs to differ, claiming she was fond of making the Nazi salute.

McGee told InTouch that the "W" and "P" tattoos on her legs don't stand for "white power" -- but rather "wet p***y."

Kelly was performing in Germany on Friday night when she mysteriously disappeared from the stage during a song. The band covered for her for a bit before she finally returned. She finished the song and then admitted, "I'm really sorry, I had to pee."

It all went down late last night at a Big Easy bar called Lucy's -- Drew took the mic and explained that because the team had won the Super Bowl, he could finally let everyone in on their private ritual.

Looking and quacking like a Wayans outside of club Wonderland in Hollywood last night, Damon Jr. jokingly said the movie helped him put his crack pipe down for good.

The crazy commercial is for a Japanese cell phone company called Softbank -- and get this: you get a free dog-shaped cell phone speaker if you sign up with them.

After somehow getting Affleck's Lexus into the middle of the road, Ben's bud couldn't get the thing to move again -- seriously blocked traffic in both directions.

The Mayor let the unbelievable diss loose at a recent auction in Sin City, after a woman he repeatedly said looked like the Divine, red-haired, Vegas performer entered a bid of $2,750 for the item on the auction block.

In the video -- shot from a distance -- Goodman says he won't accept her money because "she's fat and she's short."

The other auctioneer quickly tried to steer the auction back on track ... but the damage had been done.

As we previously reported, Kirk headed to campus to hand out copies of a "revised" edition of "On The Origin of the Species" -- in which the author attempts to connect Darwin to Hitler.

During the "event," several students asked Kirk about his thoughts on Darwin. Kirk responded, "I believe that Darwin was absolutely ... that the end game was to make God ... was to remove God from the world view of .. I think that that was the end game."

Excellent point.

Here's another of our favorite exchanges:

Still tired from all the one woman action, Tila told us she buckled from all of the pressure related to her lawsuit against Merriman and she "just kind of flipped out a little bit."

The price tag on that lawsuit: $1.5 million, according to Tequila, who says she'll donate it all to charity.

Glenn got a little shuteye during the Bruce Springsteen concert at Madison Square Garden this weekend.

The actor formerly-and-always-known-as Carlton Banks busted out a freestyle rap session at last night's Steel Panther show -- a session that started with the line, "I have been known to f*** some white girls in my lifetime!"