Weird News

Let this sink in ... Michael Lohan is joining the ranks of Shakespeare and Hemingway -- he's signed a deal to become a published author, and TMZ has learned his first book is a tell-all memoir involving ... yep, Lindsay Lohan.

According to publisher Transmedia Group, Michael's book is tentatively, and briefly, entitled "I Am Not Daddy Dearest ... If I Can Turn It All Around, You Can Too!" We're told it will focus on how he became a "Bible-quoting minister, drug interventionist, and successful business man."

But yeah, he'll also be talking about Lindsay.

Michael admits part of the reason he's writing the book is that Dina Lohan is writing her own scathing memoir -- and he wants to tell his side of the story.

Michael says he was also inspired the night "God pulled me from my wrecked car and mangled life before it exploded" -- but c'mon ... this is about Dina.

The building Lindsay Lohan is temporarily calling home is no stranger to crazy behavior ... because TMZ has learned it's the same building Courtney Love once called home.

Sources tell us ... LiLo's temporary rent free home sits in a primo building in SoHo -- which happens to be a celeb magnet, reportedly housing famous mugs like Lenny Kravitz, Nicole Kidman and Ben Stiller. Courtney Love used to call the building home, but sold her apartment back in 2006 (the photos above are of Love's old pad).

As for the swanky digs, it's valued around $6 million and the building features top-of-the-line amenities ... like 24/7 concierge service, wine cellar, tasting room, and an aromatherapy filled lobby.

Everyone has their guilty pleasures and it seems former South African President Nelson Mandela has one of his own ... the TLC show "Toddlers & Tiaras."

Yes, the revolutionary leader has a soft spot for child beauty pageants ... at least that's what his granddaughters say. Zaziwe Dlamini-Manaway and Swati Dlamini, who are promoting a reality show of their own, told the AP, "You'll be interested to know that he loves 'Toddlers & Tiaras'. Because of the kids, he just loves children."

Another grandchild told the Guardian he's never actually seen Mandela watch "Toddlers" and that he's more of a National Geographic kind of guy.

Guns N' Roses partied pretty hard in their heyday, so it makes sense they'd know the craziest drinking games -- case in point, something called "Wear the Lamp Shade" as explained to us by former dummer Matt Sorum.

Sorum -- who banged the buckets in GNR for a better part of the 90s -- was walking his dogs in Studio City Wednesday when our photog got him talking about games the band played on the road ... and one in particular was quite simply ... enlightening?

It involves booze (obviously), a hotel room (of course), naked girls (how could it not) and ... (drum roll) ... a lamp shade -- we'll let the video explain the rest.

Getting shot in the face has its perks, particularly if you're a wrestling fan -- just ask Thomas Dotterer, who's being treated like a champ by the WWE just days after some thugs blasted him while robbing his Syracuse liquor store.

The 77-year-old was in critical condition last week after taking a bullet to the eye ... but instead of complaining, he told the media he was more upset about the outcome of the WWE Royal Rumble because his favorite wrestler had lost!!!

"The Rock beat [CM] Punk. Did you know that?"

Word of the tough-as-nails fan got back to the WWE ... and the org. raced to get in touch with the guy.

In fact, we're told Dotterer already got a phone call from CM Punk and was promised ringside seats and a backstage pass the next time the org. comes to Syracuse.

Mega-rich, ultra-successful record producer Russell Simmons says there's ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY no such thing as the Illuminati ... which is EXACTLY what someone in the Illuminati would say!!!!

Simmons -- if that's even his real name -- is connected to a whole bunch of people rumored to be in the super-secret society that controls the world ... including Jay-Z, Beyonce, Kanye and Oprah.

So when we asked if he could confirm or deny one of the alleged members ... or even acknowledge the group's existence at all ... it's almost like he protested a little too much, saying "Are you kidding me? I'm a grown f*cking man!"

Super Bowl sign language guy tells TMZ, his hands are JUST LIKE Dolly Parton's boobs ... J. Lo's butt ... or Tom Jones' chest hair -- so valuable they need their own freakin' insurance policy ... but there's a lot more to sign language than just hands.

John Maucere -- who signed "America the Beautiful" and the national anthem at the big game -- was out in L.A. yesterday with his interpreter when we asked how important it is to take care of your hands as a professional sign language-er.

John raised his hands, joking, "I have insurance."

He added, "Hands are important, but you should know American Sign Language isn't specific just for hands ... There's a lot happening on my face, with my mouth, with my body, the emotions, everything. That makes the entire language."

John also answers the ultimate question -- if he had to choose ... which finger would he chop off???

Donald Trump has made it clear ... his legal war with Bill Maher isn't just about the money ... it's personal -- telling TMZ the comic CROSSED THE LINE when he suggested Trump's mom banged an orangutan.

Trump just appeared on "TMZ Live" and explained why he's confident he'll emerge victorious in his $5 million lawsuit against Maher ... claiming he doesn't believe Bill was joking when he appeared on Leno earlier this year and challenged Trump to prove he isn't the "spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan."

Donald says he vows to defend his parents' honor -- telling us, "What he said about my father is disgraceful ... and what he said about my mother, who's deceased, was in a certain way, even more disgraceful."

"I've never heard anything like that said about my parents ... who were truly great people."

The 27-year-old son of "Barney & Friends" creator Sheryl Leach has been charged with attempted murder, a rep for the L.A. County D.A. tells TMZ.

Patrick Leach was also arraigned today on assault charges.

As we reported, Patrick was arrested last month after allegedly shooting a 49-year-old man in the chest in Malibu ... and fleeing the scene.

Cops said they recovered evidence on the scene that connects Patrick to the shooting, but so far, no motive has been released. The victim is expected to recover from his wounds.

Donald Trump's mother is no orangutan-banger ... so says the Donald himself in a new, actually-filed lawsuit obtained by TMZ. Seriously, Trump actually filed this.

The Donald just sued Bill Maher for $5 MILLION ... claiming the HBO talk show host is skipping out on his promise to donate $5 mil to charity if Trump could prove he isn't the spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan.

According to Trump, Maher made the offer during an appearance on "Leno" ... after Trump had made a $5 million challenge to President Obama regarding POTUS' birth certificate.

In his suit, filed today in L.A. County Superior Court, Trump says he formally responded to Maher's challenge with a copy of his birth certificate, proving he is, in fact, the "son of Fred Trump" ... who is not a member of the Great Ape family.

Trump claims 5 "worthy charities" have now been deprived of millions of dollars in donations ... and it's all Maher's fault.

Baltimore Ravens stars Joe Flacco and Ed Reed dominated on the field to win the Super Bowl -- but somehow they got upstaged by livestock! In Harvey's mind, anyway.

Christina Aguilera finally figured out a way to get her ex-husband's lingering crap out of her life -- by putting the house up for sale.

Jordan Bratman -- whose marriage with Christina officially ended way back in 2011 -- showed up to Christina's Beverly Hills pad today with moving trucks ... to clear out the rest of his belongings ... now that Xtina listed the place for sale.

It's a glorious day for Christina, because as TMZ previously reported ... when she and Jordan first split he took his sweet time moving out. Fact is ... Christina and her lawyer put the heat on 2 years ago, and Jordan moved most -- but not all -- of his stuff out 2 years ago.

In fact ... months after the couple split Jordan, Xtina and her NEW boyfriend were all living in the family home as one big awkward family.

Know why your Super Bowl party sucked? Because competitive eating champ Takeru Kobayashi wasn't there ... eating an ENTIRE PIZZA in one minute flat.

Kobayashi's rep tells TMZ, some guy on Long Island paid the human garbage disposal to make an appearance at his 40-person Super Bowl party last night ... and perform an eating challenge.

Kobayashi decided to attempt to break his world record for scarfing a 12-inch pizza (1 minute 9.36 seconds). In the clip, Kobay downs the 12-incher in 60 seconds flat ... but it wasn't an official event, so it doesn't count as a new record.

His rep wouldn't comment on how much he was paid -- but Kobay's publicized rate for lunch or dinner appearances is $1,500.

Kobayashi also accepted a beer chugging challenge from a random party goer yesterday ... but we were a little disappointed with TK's performance.

It was a Groundhog Day miracle yesterday when we bumped into "Groundhog Day" star Andie MacDowell ... who just happened to have hung out with another "Groundhog Day" star (of sorts) ... on Groundhog Day!!!

Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today.

Game's over bitches -- TMZ has already found the most beautiful two people attending the Super Bowl this weekend ... and you'll NEVER guess who they are.

Broncos wide receiver Eric Decker and his country singer fiancee Jessie James touched down last night in New Orleans, where they'll be staying to watch the Super Bowl this Sunday.

Decker's not playing -- obviously -- but that won't stop him and his girl from COMPLETELY OVERSHADOWING every other hot couple expected at the big game ... a list that includes tons of other NFL players, Victoria's Secret models, Hollywood actors, actresses, you name it.

Disagree with our expert opinion? Tell us in the comments section, where you'll still be wrong.

Legendary boxing promoter Don King could be done with boxing for good ... because he's now hyping the FOOD INDUSTRY -- promoting a recent "Top Chef" cast-off in the hopes of helping her open her own restaurant.

81-year-old King was in Miami yesterday when he explained he had taken Chef Josie Smith-Malave under his wing ... and is now rallying to get her another shot on the show ... and better yet, her own fried chicken chain.

Chef Josie was recently eliminated from "Top Chef: Seattle" for an overspiced fried chicken recipe -- but King tells us, "I feel she was unjustly relieved [from the show]. What we want to do is put her back. We want to vote her back in through the process."

King -- who spoke to Chef Josie for the first time last week -- says he's not doing this for the money ... he's just a fan of Josie's cooking.