Weird News

Will Ferrell is a Vagina ... Ted Vagina, to be exact ... at least according to the name tag he wore at the Lakers game last night.

Ferrell -- sporting a nicely manicured moustache -- threw on a Staples Center usher uniform (complete with the Vagina name tag) ... and went to work on the court ... keeping the floor safe from basketball hooligans.

At one point, Ted put Shaquille O'Neal in an arm bar -- and escorted the big guy off the court.

Vagina always gets his man.

Steve Martin has fathered his very first child ... at the ripe age of 67-YEARS-OLD ... the actor has confirmed.

The "Pink Panther" star's 41-year-old wife Anne Stringfield gave birth to the kid back in December ... so says the New York Post.

Steve wouldn't be the first celebrity dad to father a kid in his 60s ... Rod Stewart did it (66 years old) ... so did Pablo Picasso (67) and Clint Eastwood (66).

And ... Charlie Chaplin had a kid when he was 73.

Congrats.

Deena from "Jersey Shore" says she's NOT a Mardi Gras booby flasher -- and claims she's getting a bad rap thanks to a sluttier doppelganger who looks just like her.

TMZ obtained video of a girl -- who looks EXACTLY like Deena -- partying her face off, lifting up her shirt and flashing her boobs down in New Orleans this week ... and people who witnessed the event first hand were convinced they were observing authentic MTV tatas.

But the REAL Deena tells TMZ it's not what it seems ... explaining, "I'm in Jersey right now ... plus if I were down in Mardi Gras I would NOT be showing off my boobs or any of my goods."

She continues, "I've been trying to work on changing my image especially since I want to be casted on 'Dancing with the Stars.' I get imitation is a form of flattery but this is definitely not the imitation I can ever hope for."

Fine. No beads for you.

The unusual trio of Kanye West, Kim Kardashian and Will Smith took a walking tour of Brazil together today.

It got us wondering ...

Pro wrestler Kenn Doane knows a lot about being a bully -- he played one as a former WWE star -- and now he's using that experience to write his first book ... about kids and bullying.

Doane -- known as Kenny Dykstra in his WWE days -- tells TMZ, he decided to become an author while rehabbing a knee injury suffered last month ... and wanted to address the topic of bullying.

The former tag team champ must be a badass with the pen ... because he's already lined up a publisher for "Billy's Bully" -- which shows one kid standing up to his tormentor, and teaches kids how to avoid becoming a bully.

According to Doane, his publisher hooked him up with illustrators and another author to put the finishing touches on the book -- and it should be released sometime in June.

Let this sink in ... Michael Lohan is joining the ranks of Shakespeare and Hemingway -- he's signed a deal to become a published author, and TMZ has learned his first book is a tell-all memoir involving ... yep, Lindsay Lohan.

According to publisher Transmedia Group, Michael's book is tentatively, and briefly, entitled "I Am Not Daddy Dearest ... If I Can Turn It All Around, You Can Too!" We're told it will focus on how he became a "Bible-quoting minister, drug interventionist, and successful business man."

But yeah, he'll also be talking about Lindsay.

Michael admits part of the reason he's writing the book is that Dina Lohan is writing her own scathing memoir -- and he wants to tell his side of the story.

Michael says he was also inspired the night "God pulled me from my wrecked car and mangled life before it exploded" -- but c'mon ... this is about Dina.

The building Lindsay Lohan is temporarily calling home is no stranger to crazy behavior ... because TMZ has learned it's the same building Courtney Love once called home.

Sources tell us ... LiLo's temporary rent free home sits in a primo building in SoHo -- which happens to be a celeb magnet, reportedly housing famous mugs like Lenny Kravitz, Nicole Kidman and Ben Stiller. Courtney Love used to call the building home, but sold her apartment back in 2006 (the photos above are of Love's old pad).

As for the swanky digs, it's valued around $6 million and the building features top-of-the-line amenities ... like 24/7 concierge service, wine cellar, tasting room, and an aromatherapy filled lobby.

Everyone has their guilty pleasures and it seems former South African President Nelson Mandela has one of his own ... the TLC show "Toddlers & Tiaras."

Yes, the revolutionary leader has a soft spot for child beauty pageants ... at least that's what his granddaughters say. Zaziwe Dlamini-Manaway and Swati Dlamini, who are promoting a reality show of their own, told the AP, "You'll be interested to know that he loves 'Toddlers & Tiaras'. Because of the kids, he just loves children."

Another grandchild told the Guardian he's never actually seen Mandela watch "Toddlers" and that he's more of a National Geographic kind of guy.

Guns N' Roses partied pretty hard in their heyday, so it makes sense they'd know the craziest drinking games -- case in point, something called "Wear the Lamp Shade" as explained to us by former dummer Matt Sorum.

Sorum -- who banged the buckets in GNR for a better part of the 90s -- was walking his dogs in Studio City Wednesday when our photog got him talking about games the band played on the road ... and one in particular was quite simply ... enlightening?

It involves booze (obviously), a hotel room (of course), naked girls (how could it not) and ... (drum roll) ... a lamp shade -- we'll let the video explain the rest.

Getting shot in the face has its perks, particularly if you're a wrestling fan -- just ask Thomas Dotterer, who's being treated like a champ by the WWE just days after some thugs blasted him while robbing his Syracuse liquor store.

The 77-year-old was in critical condition last week after taking a bullet to the eye ... but instead of complaining, he told the media he was more upset about the outcome of the WWE Royal Rumble because his favorite wrestler had lost!!!

"The Rock beat [CM] Punk. Did you know that?"

Word of the tough-as-nails fan got back to the WWE ... and the org. raced to get in touch with the guy.

In fact, we're told Dotterer already got a phone call from CM Punk and was promised ringside seats and a backstage pass the next time the org. comes to Syracuse.

Mega-rich, ultra-successful record producer Russell Simmons says there's ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY no such thing as the Illuminati ... which is EXACTLY what someone in the Illuminati would say!!!!

Simmons -- if that's even his real name -- is connected to a whole bunch of people rumored to be in the super-secret society that controls the world ... including Jay-Z, Beyonce, Kanye and Oprah.

So when we asked if he could confirm or deny one of the alleged members ... or even acknowledge the group's existence at all ... it's almost like he protested a little too much, saying "Are you kidding me? I'm a grown f*cking man!"

Super Bowl sign language guy tells TMZ, his hands are JUST LIKE Dolly Parton's boobs ... J. Lo's butt ... or Tom Jones' chest hair -- so valuable they need their own freakin' insurance policy ... but there's a lot more to sign language than just hands.

John Maucere -- who signed "America the Beautiful" and the national anthem at the big game -- was out in L.A. yesterday with his interpreter when we asked how important it is to take care of your hands as a professional sign language-er.

John raised his hands, joking, "I have insurance."

He added, "Hands are important, but you should know American Sign Language isn't specific just for hands ... There's a lot happening on my face, with my mouth, with my body, the emotions, everything. That makes the entire language."

John also answers the ultimate question -- if he had to choose ... which finger would he chop off???

Donald Trump has made it clear ... his legal war with Bill Maher isn't just about the money ... it's personal -- telling TMZ the comic CROSSED THE LINE when he suggested Trump's mom banged an orangutan.

Trump just appeared on "TMZ Live" and explained why he's confident he'll emerge victorious in his $5 million lawsuit against Maher ... claiming he doesn't believe Bill was joking when he appeared on Leno earlier this year and challenged Trump to prove he isn't the "spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan."

Donald says he vows to defend his parents' honor -- telling us, "What he said about my father is disgraceful ... and what he said about my mother, who's deceased, was in a certain way, even more disgraceful."

"I've never heard anything like that said about my parents ... who were truly great people."

The 27-year-old son of "Barney & Friends" creator Sheryl Leach has been charged with attempted murder, a rep for the L.A. County D.A. tells TMZ.

Patrick Leach was also arraigned today on assault charges.

As we reported, Patrick was arrested last month after allegedly shooting a 49-year-old man in the chest in Malibu ... and fleeing the scene.

Cops said they recovered evidence on the scene that connects Patrick to the shooting, but so far, no motive has been released. The victim is expected to recover from his wounds.

Donald Trump's mother is no orangutan-banger ... so says the Donald himself in a new, actually-filed lawsuit obtained by TMZ. Seriously, Trump actually filed this.

The Donald just sued Bill Maher for $5 MILLION ... claiming the HBO talk show host is skipping out on his promise to donate $5 mil to charity if Trump could prove he isn't the spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan.

According to Trump, Maher made the offer during an appearance on "Leno" ... after Trump had made a $5 million challenge to President Obama regarding POTUS' birth certificate.

In his suit, filed today in L.A. County Superior Court, Trump says he formally responded to Maher's challenge with a copy of his birth certificate, proving he is, in fact, the "son of Fred Trump" ... who is not a member of the Great Ape family.

Trump claims 5 "worthy charities" have now been deprived of millions of dollars in donations ... and it's all Maher's fault.

Baltimore Ravens stars Joe Flacco and Ed Reed dominated on the field to win the Super Bowl -- but somehow they got upstaged by livestock! In Harvey's mind, anyway.